Polaroid Cancer

I wake up barely able to breathe from all the blood congealed in my nostrils and I slowly move into a sitting position. My brain is throbbing and thrashing around in my head, like it’s going to rip out of my skull and splatter gray-matter all over the walls. I press my hands to the side of my temples, trying to tame the lashing within. My vision is blurred and my body feels empty, but oddly warm.

Where is she? Where is Casey?

I search frantically around me, hands patting the bed in acute fear that is scratching at my guts. That’s when I see that my ring is missing.

No. No. No. No. No. No no no no no no no no no no no. NO!

Leaping to my feet, I lurk down the hallway, adrenaline fueling my aching body.

“WHERE THE FUCK-”

Blue Eyes is staring at me in shock; she’s making breakfast while everyone else has passed out on the floor, couch, chairs or anything they could find to sleep on. Her throat reflexes as she swallows in terror at my menacing figure.

I relax my shoulders and smooth out my features, “where is my ring?”

“It’s right here…” She says calmly, there is a slight tremble in her voice, “I-I uh, yeh were moving around so much in yehr sleep it slid off an’- an’ I was afraid it would get lost.”

I grab the ring as casually as possible without snatching it and coming off even more hostile. “M’sorry for yellin’ at yeh.”

“I-it’s okay, ‘ere is some eggs an’ toast.”

I’m surprised at how hungry I am and the food is gone much quicker then it was made. My stomach hurts even though I hadn’t eaten a whole lot and I wished I had a bowl of peaches. The girl keeps flicking her gaze over at me, worry evident on her face and I realize that I must look right awful. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d looked in a mirror, let alone taken a shower and changed clothes.

Pressing my hands on the ledge of the table, I get up and stumble to where the bathroom is to freshen myself. I didn’t want to take a shower, but I could at least clean off my face. As I turn on the sink, I notice my ring keeps sliding off and it infuriates me to the point that tears start spilling down my cheeks.

I miss Casey so much, but I can’t get myself to go back. No matter how many times my parents came over and pleaded with me to talk to her. To sort things out. No matter how many times Matt called or texted, telling me what a stupid fucking cunt face I am. Nothing could deter me from leaving this place.

Grabbing a random towel laying on the ground, I soak it and wipe my face off, then blow the blood out of my nose. The towel looks like something was massacred in it.

“‘Ey, Oli…”

My head snaps up as I look over at her.

Green eyes stare back at me; long, brown hair swept into a side ponytail.

“Yeah, Vivienne?”

“M’sorry ‘bout being pissy last night.”

“Oh…” I falter, giving a small frown and gently push pass, leaving her standing there and looking after me in puzzlement. She repulsed me, she slept with so many guys in my house and yet, I couldn’t keep myself from fucking her, too. Maybe if I kept pretending Blue Eyes was my fiancée, I could return to some minor normalcy.

“So… uh, m’Sarah.”

My eyes flash over to Blue Eyes.

“I noticed… that yeh have a weddin’ ring or… something like that.”

I peer down at my clenched hand, keeping my ring in place, “… engaged… actually…”

“So… what is she like?” Sarah glances over at Vivienne under her thick, black hair.

Absent-mindedly, I bite my lip and continue staring down at my engagement ring, “M’not engaged t’her. Me fiancée… she’s stunning, ya know. Smells like vanilla… an’ smiles all the time… or she used to. Always dyes her hair this vibrant red an’ I love the way it falls around ‘er shoulders. She has these sky blue eyes, too. Like looking at a clear, fall day.” A smile cascades upon me.

Vivienne is glaring daggers into me; according to her, I’m her boyfriend now, but I don’t feel that way at all. She simply provides me the drugs that I need to forget memories I don’t want. Even if it is only forgetting them for a short while.

“M’going to go out for a bit,” I say, with a shrug of my shoulders. And with that I grab my faux fur-line hooded jacket and head out the door.