Notes in Constellations

Alex’s body was convulsing in shivers, pearly white teeth chattering behind blue lips and shoulders trembling. His eyelids were shut tight, but he was miles from sleep. It may have been better that way; Jack was afraid that if he fell unconscious, he may not wake up.

The younger boy laid beside his lover, freezing limbs shaking under thin material, his hoodie draped across his body in attempts of a blanket. His breath was coming quick and fast, heat escaping in ghostly fog with each puff for oxygen; with each attempt to hold on.

Jack lifted his head the best he could, leaves clutching to his dark locks from the dirty ground, tired eyes scanning the trees surrounding them. He could barely see a meter in front of him, endless forest swallowed by darkness.

It had been six days. Six days since they had lost their way on the trail, five days since they’d ran out of food and four since they’d run dry of water.

Now all they could do was wait.

Jack let out a shaky breath, resting his head back down beside the log they were huddled against, trying in vain to shelter from the ruthless gusts of icy wind that drained life from their bodies with each blow. He let his eyes glance back over to Alex, watching the way he kept his hands between his thighs for futile attempts at staying warm.

Jack outstretched his trembling hand, wrapping his numb arm around his boyfriend’s waist, pulling their bodies closer together. He watched wordlessly as the boys lungs gasped for air, exhales emitted as shudders, his lack of nourishment and hydration weakening his body, straining its attempts of keeping his body temperature high enough to survive. Despite everything, he still looked beautiful.

Jack hadn’t noticed his eyes had slipped closed until there was a soft, breathless whisper pulling them open again. His eyes met another pair of broken browns, the body beside him shifting to bring their faces closer.

“Jack,” Alex gasped, eyelids drooping, struggling to stay open “w-we’re going to die here, aren’t we?”

So many things told him yes; their lack of water, of warmth and of direction amongst the endless trees, suggested that they had nothing more to wait for than death.

But Jack shook his head, placing a soft kiss on Alex’s forehead.

“No baby, we’ll be fine. We just – we need to stay warm.”

Alex’s icy-cold fingers clutched onto Jack’s shirt, nestling his head in Jack’s chest and heaving short, shallow breaths against his neck.

“B-but I’m so cold.” Alex panted, swallowing thickly “I c-can’t feel my body.”

Jack sighed, eyes trailing from the top of Alex’s head to the sky hanging above them. He was sure it was cold enough to be snowing, but there wasn’t a cloud in sight. The vast, velvet sky was clear and moonless, pricked with hundreds of thousands of starts, each one gleaming and stunning, millions of lightyears away.

They were why they were here – Alex had wanted to see the stars.

“Hey,” Jack whispered, pressing his lips down onto messy blond locks, breathing in the distinct scent of his lover, dismissing that he may not get to again “hop up.”

Slowly, Alex rolled off of him, curling in on himself as he watched with confusion as Jack climbed to his feet, pulling on his hoodie and holding out his hand to the older boy.

“What…” Alex eyed his shaking hand wearily.

“Dance with me.” Jack whispered.

A tiny smile flickered across Alex’s lips, hand reaching out to slip into Jack’s perfectly, the younger helping him to his feet and pulling their bodies close. Alex wrapped his arms around Jack’s neck, closing in far enough so their chests touched as Jack slipped his arms around Alex’s thin waist.

“I love you,” Jack hummed against Alex’s neck as they began to sway, barely having enough energy to move at all “sing to me.”

Alex let out a sharp breath, tears stinging at his eyes as he laid his forehead against Jack’s shoulder and clenched his eyelids shut. He felt as though he could fall asleep standing up, as though all willpower and life was draining from his feet into the Earth below.

An encouraging squeeze to his waist brought his drifting mind back, sniffling as he raised his eyes to gaze up at the endless sky as they rocked slowly, feet barely moving. He sighed, watching his breath rise and drift off into nothingness, before he began to sing.

His voice was strained and weak, but Jack couldn’t ask for anything more beautiful.

“We dance around just like constellations. You keep my body warm.”

Alex could feel the arms around him tighten, holding on for love and nothing more.

“And we dance around just like constellations. You're keeping me awake at night. You make my body warm…”

Alex trailed off, voice weakening and breaking off, but eyes staying put on the endless promises shining above them. There were thousands of them, all out of reach. All something beautiful that no human could ever touch; something they could only dream of becoming.

“That will be us.” Alex muttered, and he could feel Jack look up to follow his line of sight “It’ll be us, and we’ll be together and it’ll be beautiful, and we’ll be fine.”

Jack couldn’t make sense of Alex’s words, and he doubted Alex could himself, but Alex was talking and that was all he needed.

“We’ll be fine.” Jack repeated, whispering a promise into Alex’s ear that he knew he couldn’t keep.