Running With Lions

"What's wrong, Lavin?"

Lavin turned toward the voice that had spoken. It was Queen Elizabeth wearing a refined, concerned smile but looking smart in a canary yellow tweed suit. Her hat shadowing most of her face.

Lavin realized the expression that she held on her face and quickly changed it into something more pleasant.

"Nothing's wrong, your majesty," she replied, fumbling with her clutch.

The queen tutted, eyeing her playfully. "No need to be so formal, dear. We've known each other for a while now."

Lavin nodded absentmindedly, flashing a small smile in acknowledgment to the queen's joke.

"Now, what's on your mind? I've never seen you look so troubled before," the queen said.

Lavin looked around Buckingham Gardens where Queen Elizabeth was holding Harry an early birthday brunch. People Lavin had known most of her life were here, including her entire family; Harry's entire family; and, of course--although she hoped she wouldn't be--Caroline.

Finally she found Elizabeth's face again, attempting a smile. "Can I ask you something and promise not to tell anyone?"

"Of course. I've been known to keep a few secrets."

"Then," Lavin looked to the left finding Harry and Caroline dancing to a waltz. They both had fantastic smiles on their faces and Lavin had to admit that Caroline was dressed famously in a form-fitting lavender dress that revealed nothing and everything. "What is your opinion on Caroline?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes," Lavin nodded, "honestly."

The queen shifted her feet to get a look at the couple.

"Well, she's definitely refined her wardrobe in the past weeks. Harry says he credits that to you and Kate," Elizabeth's eyes looked up at Lavin curiously. "Her pedigree is not what would be desired but that's changed considerably since my time, hasn't it? Although if Harry decided to take this relationship further I don't think she would be able to continue down her current career path...and she would have to be educated immensely."

The queen's expression never changed. "Why do you ask, Lavin?"

Lavin shrugged, not able to take her eyes off Harry and Caroline. Something in her stomach wasn't settling right and it wasn't the copious amounts of appetizers that her and her brothers ate when they first arrived.

"Just curious," Lavin muttered. She saw Kate waving her over from near the fountain where she stood with William and Peter and she was about to excuse herself when the queen pulled her back into their conversation.

"I think it goes deeper than mild curiosity, darling." The queen gave a knowing look.

Lavin bobbed her head in indecision, bit her lip and shrugged. "Possibly," she said.

"There's still time, Lavin." Elizabeth placed a hand on Lavin's shoulder. "But there's only so much time."

With that she walked away. Towards Phillip, towards whoever but Lavin could only stare at Harry and Caroline who was now off the dance floor and heading her way. They weren't looking at her though; they were looking at each other as they shared a joke and a great laugh.

And despite the love Lavin felt for Harry and the advice from Queen Elizabeth there's was an overwhelming feeling of guilt that had grew in her stomach.

Her efforts to scare Caroline away had not had the desired effect; in fact it had quite the opposite. Harry hadn't called in weeks to see her or even talk, it seemed almost like he was avoiding her. Caroline had been so happy the last few times she and Lavin saw each other. And their relationship seemed to be stronger than before.

If Harry still had feelings for Lavin--as she still did--they were not apparent and, if anything, they were far less greater than his feelings for Caroline.

Maybe they were actually in love. Maybe Caroline had been too drunk that night Ben overheard those things at that bar in Scotland. Maybe Lavin was doing a horrible thing by trying to scare her away from Harry, from this lifestyle.

All at once she felt every horrible feeling a person could feel. Love, loss, and guilt but the loss felt the worst. The ache in her heart caught her breathe and she brought her hand to her chest, gasping for air.

She saw Harry point at her, and then Caroline waved. She couldn't stand here and talk with them as if everything were okay. Lavin knew she wouldn't be able to keep her feelings concealed and her expression regal.

She smiled weakly before turning on her heel, racing towards Kate as fast as her wedges would allow on the grass lawn.

"What's wrong!?" Kate said as Lavin approached, sticking her arms out to stop her.

Lavin shook her head, tears threatening her but Kate took her in her arms.

"What's wrong, Lavin?" she repeated as she gave Lavin a good shake.

Lavin shook her head. "It's over, Kate. I can't do this anymore. I tried taking away the one thing that makes Harry happy." She could feel herself becoming hysterical. "They love each other, Kate and I allowed my feelings to get in the way of that. I allowed myself to be a hateful selfish person."

With that Lavin extracted herself from Kate's arms and rushed towards the palace. Behind her she could her Kate's shouts but she ignored them as she flew through the opened doors and took her phone from her clutch and called the driver that had brought her and her brothers to Harry's birthday brunch.

She promised herself that she would never meddle in someone else's life again. And then she told herself that she would try to love Caroline for Harry, no longer seeing her as an enemy.