Waking up in Vegas

I didn’t really know where I was heading as I walked angrily away from the venue. I just didn’t want to stop. After what seemed like forever, I started getting tired and I decided I needed to find a place to hide out for a while and try to get my head together. Luckily I was in Las Vegas and there were plenty of bars around that I could lose myself in.

I walked into the first bar I came across and ordered a double shot of whiskey, downing it in seconds before getting another one. After that one was gone I looked around and realized it was the same bar where I had met John. It fucking figured.

I threw some money on the bar and practically ran from that place. I wanted to get away from anything and everything that had any connection with John.

I found another bar that had absolutely no association with that asshole and I walked in, once again heading straight towards the bar. I flagged the bartender down and asked him for a shot of the strongest thing they had. I just needed to get drunk to try and dull some of the pain.

He handed me a glass of an amber liquid with a quiet “Cheers,” and left me to it. I slammed the shot back, ignoring the burning in my throat before slamming the glass back down on the countertop. “Another!” I yelled, catching the bartender’s attention and he just poured me another drink. I was just glad he wasn’t trying to ask what was wrong. I didn’t feel like talking; I felt like drinking.

I downed the shot with a grimace as the alcohol burned my throat, but I just knew that I couldn’t stop. I fiddled with the ring that was still on my finger before deciding to take it off. I set it down on the bar next to my glass.

I decided I’d had enough hard liquor though, and ordered a Bud Light instead. I lost count after my fifth beer, but I kept drinking.

I had no idea what time it was when I heard someone sit down next to me. I was too drunk to deal with anyone so I didn’t even acknowledge them; I just took another sip of my beer.

Unfortunately, they weren’t too drunk to acknowledge me. I felt a hand on my arm and I heard a familiar, yet unwanted, voice say my name.

“Kendall.”

“Go away John.” I didn’t even turn to look at him.

“I’ve been looking for you for five hours. I’m not going away,” he answered persistently.

“Have you actually been looking that long? Or have you been fucking that blonde girl?”

“Kendall—”

“No John. I don’t want an answer. I want you to fuck off.” I downed the rest of my beer and flagged the bartender down for another one. If I wasn’t so drunk I would have gotten up and left. But I knew that I wouldn’t be able to make it far like this, and John would’ve just followed me anyways, I was sure.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough Kendall?” John asked as another beer was sat down in front of me.

“You don’t get to tell me when I’ve had enough John. You don’t get to tell me anything.”

He pulled the beer away from me and chugged it before I could even protest. “I’m not gonna let you drink anymore,” He said. “I’ll drink them all if I have to.”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I whined—it was only from the alcohol, I swear. I just wanted to drink in peace.

“Because I’m not leaving until you’ve listened to everything I’ve had to say. I love you Kendall.”

I just snorted and tried to grab my beer back from him. Of course, he wouldn’t budge.

“Good way of showing it,” I mumbled. He either didn’t hear me or he just didn’t care because he started talking.

“Listen, that girl that you saw, I’ve been friends with her since I was in college.”

“So that makes it okay for you to cheat on me with her?”

“Dammit Kendall I didn’t cheat on you! Can you just listen?”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“Sorry. Just. Please listen.”

He didn’t deserve it, but I was too tired and defeated to argue anymore. And the alcohol was starting to really get to me and I was feeling kind of sluggish.

“Her name is Haley and I met her in college, when I went to ASU. We hooked up a couple times in college, I’m not going to lie about that, but that was years ago, and I haven’t seen her in a long time. But we’ve remained friends, talked on Facebook, texted, all that. She lives in Vegas now and we haven’t seen each other in years so we decided to meet up today and catch up. She’s engaged Kendall, and she has a two year old.”

“Why should I believe you?” I asked, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.

“Because I love you and I know you love me.”

“I thought other people loved me too but they hurt me. What makes you any different?”

“We’re married Kendall. I’m so in love with you it hurts.”

“Love shouldn’t hurt. And it shouldn’t be full of lies,” I argued.

“Dammit I’m not lying. Here, if you don’t believe me. Just look.” He held his phone out to me, which was open to Facebook and there was a picture of the girl he had been with. There was also a picture of her and a tall brunette man and a little blonde kid. He pointed to her relationship status which read engaged.

“Do you believe me now?” John asked, looking at me desperately.

“I don’t know John. I want to, I really do. But…”

“But nothing Kendall. What more do you want from me? I love you, I showed you proof that she’s with someone else, we were just sitting there. It’s not like we kissed or something, I don’t—I know you were hurt before, but I would never do that to you. I swear.”

“John, I’m sorry.” I was crying by then, the alcohol only helping to fuel the tears even more. But they weren’t really tears of sadness. They were more tears of relief, because I did believe John. And I did still love him.

“That night that I met you, I knew you were something special. I didn’t plan on marrying you Kendall but I’m damn glad I did. All the guys could see that I changed after I met you. They helped me realize that it was because of you. They helped me convince myself that I needed to find a way to keep you in my life.”

He reached out and grabbed my hand, capturing it in his. He looked down and saw the ring that was missing, sitting next to an empty forgotten glass. He picked it up and turned to face me fully.

“Kendall, that day when I married you in Vegas has been the best day of my life so far. And I’m hoping the second best day will be when you marry me again, for real, in front of all our family and friends. So Kendall, will you marry me again?”

“John, what—?”

“I love you and I think you still love me and if you forgive me, which I really hope that you can, I want to marry you for real. I need you to know that this is real. And I want everyone else to know that too. Please don’t tell me I’m misreading this Kendall.”

“You’re not,” I said softly, finally getting control of some of my tears. “I love you John. I’m sorry I overreacted. I just—”

“I know. You don’t have to explain it to me. Just say yes.”

“Ok, yes,” I answered simply.

John leaned forward and kissed me and it felt good to have his lips on mine again, after all the time he’d been away on tour, and after the fight we had just had.

He slipped my ring back on my finger and kissed me again.