Waking up in Vegas

I woke up the next morning afternoon with a hangover. It seemed to be a common theme when John was involved. At least he wasn’t in my bed this time. And I remembered everything that had happened the night before.

I groaned when I thought of the karaoke and I was hoping that no one had gotten a video. Although I’m sure all of my friends had. That’s just how they were.

Then I blushed when I remembered what happened after karaoke. John had kissed me right in the middle of the sidewalk and I gave in, reciprocating the kiss. But that wasn’t even the worst thing. We stood there and kissed for a couple minutes but the sidewalk just wasn’t an ideal location for that kind of thing.

So we ended up on his tour bus in some compromising positions with some clothing missing. God, now I was a fucking groupie. At least we didn’t have sex. Even though I was totally intoxicated I was still able to keep my guard up where it counted the most. I honestly didn’t know if I would ever be able to let it down with my dating history.

I took a shower and some pills to try to shake the hangover because I knew that John and I needed to talk. Now that he was back in town we had to get this annulment thing figured out as soon as possible before he had to leave again. I had no idea how long it would be until his band went on tour again.

So this time it was my turn to text him.

We need to talk

Are you breaking up with me?

I laughed at the irony of his text and put a hand to my head. The pills hadn’t kicked in yet.

Yes we need a divorce

You can keep the kids as long as I can keep the house

We’ll see

So where are we doing this?

Just give me your address. I'll come over. Unless you wanna meet in like a public place

No that's fine you can come over

So he gave me his address and I headed over to his house.

“Hi,” he said awkwardly when he opened the door, scratching the back of his head.

“Hey,” I said back and just stood there.

“You can come in if you want,” he said and moved aside so there was room to walk in the doorway.

“Thanks,” I said and walked into the front hallway, looking around. It seemed like a typical bachelor pad. Nice plain furniture and not many decorations. There were records everywhere though: on the floor, on the coffee table, on the table where the record player sat, just everywhere.

“You really like music, huh?” I asked him, just trying to make conversation.

“More than mostly everything else. I don't understand how people could not like music.”

“I know what you mean. Although I don't think I've heard of any of these bands or people.” I looked around at all the records and didn't recognize a single name.

“Oh man! I'm gonna have to give you a lesson in good music.”

“Hey I listen to good music!” I said defensively.

“Oh yeah? What do you listen to?”

“I like post hardcore bands. Of Mice & Men is my favorite.”

“Ok, they're pretty good and Austin is such a rad dude.”

“Wait! You know Austin?”

“Yeah we met on Warped tour.”

“Holy shit! I love Austin.”

He chuckled and I blushed at how much of a fangirl I was being. But I couldn't help it when it came to Austin Carlile. He was just perfect.

“Ok, so I know your music, now you need to get to know mine. Sit down.” He pointed to the couch and I did as he said. “This is my favorite song of all time,” he said before he headed towards the record player and picked up a record with a black bird on a very faded cover.

He was so careful and meticulous when it came to putting the record on the player and it was interesting to see how different he was here than when he was on stage or out drinking. He moved the needle to the correct spot and set it down gently.

Soon music filled the whole room and John stood next to the record player with his eyes closed. He had a small smile on his face as the music played. I could tell how much this song meant to him. He started singing along softly as the lyrics started and I was almost more engrossed in him than the song that was playing.

But I made myself look away and I closed my eyes and concentrated on the song. It was slow and soothing and I could understand why John liked it so much. I noticed after a couple minutes that I was swaying back and forth to the music and I smiled to myself softly.

I opened my eyes and looked to see where John was. He had moved to sit down in the armchair and he just seemed so content with everything. It was amazing what music could do to people. It was also nice to see him looking so vulnerable in a way. He wasn’t all cocky and trying to be a cool guy. He was just being himself and enjoying the music.

When the song was over John walked over to the record player and turned the volume down. The soft music was still playing in the background but I could hear him when he spoke. “So what do you think?” He asked as he made his way back to sit down in his chair.

“That was… I don’t even know how to describe it with words that will do it justice. It’s really lovely and it just made me feel happy.” It showed too because I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

“Good. That song is like what made me want to do music. My dad always played tons of music when I was younger and I loved it all, but when I heard this song… it was like something inside of me just clicked and I was like I need to make music. I need to make people feel like this with my songs. I need to make them feel happy and calm and just, at peace with life. I wanted to affect people with my music. I wanted to make them happy when they were sad and make them even happier when they were already happy.”

“I’m pretty sure you do. I saw the way those people were looking at you and the band during your show. And just like the dedication of everyone waiting in line and dying to get in there to see you guys. I think you’ve achieved your goals.”

“Thanks.” His smile was so genuine then that it was contagious. I couldn’t help but smile too.

“You’re welcome.”

“So what’s your goal? What do you want to achieve in life?”

“Wow, that’s a loaded question.”

“I just totally spilled my guts to you about my music and hopes and dreams and all that. Now it’s your turn.”

“I want to be a writer,” I admitted.

“Wow, that’s so cool! What kind of writer? Like what stuff do you want to write?”

“Well, I’ve written a couple articles here and there and it’s good to practice my writing skills and really it’s just good to write anything. But what I really want to write are children’s books. When I was little my mom used to always read to me and when I got old enough I would read to her and those are some of the best memories I have with her. Well, some of the only memories I have since she died when I was so young. I guess I just want to give kids a chance to have that kind of feeling and those kinds of memories with their parents or anyone that’s important to them.”

By the time I finished my eyes were glazed over and it was getting hard to hold the tears in. I didn’t talk about my mom that much because it was still hard. Even though I lost her when I was only seven, she was still my mom and nothing could ever change that. I loved my dads more than anything but there’s just a special bond between a girl and her mother.

“Wow, I don’t even know what to say. I just want to give you a hug.” And he did. He stood up from his chair, came over to sit next to me on the couch, and wrapped his arms around me, and the tears spilled over. My breath started hitching and John tightened his grip on me, and I tightened mine in turn. We sat like that with our arms wrapped around each other for a few minutes until I was done crying.

When my breathing returned to normal John rubbed my back a few times and then leaned back, still holding onto my arms with his hands.

“I really, really hope that someday soon you’ll write bestselling books and I can tell everyone that I was married to the most famous author in the world.”

“Thanks,” I said with a smile and a giggle. And that kind of reminded me why I was there in the first place. To talk about our marriage and our annulment that needed to happen. But it seemed too heavy a topic to talk about now after the things we had just talked about. So I didn’t say anything.

“Do you want to go get some food?” John asked abruptly.

“I could eat,” I replied honestly.

“How do you feel about In N Out?”

“I love it.”

“Good. Let’s go.”