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Vengeance Is a Syn

Seems Like We Lost it All

During the whole week I tried to avoid Brian at all cost. I couldn’t bear looking at him and thinking he didn’t know the truth about what happened on that afternoon.

Avoiding him made me feel like shit and like a shitty girlfriend. But I couldn’t find the strength and the courage to tell him. Every time I tried to tell him I just felt the urge to cry and get out of that room as soon as possible.

Just imagining the disappointment that he would feel killed me.

Today I had skipped school because I just needed some time alone. I needed to think about a way of telling Brian about the kiss with Zacky. I couldn’t lie to him anymore, or else I would explode.

I pretended I was sick so that Matt would believe me and let me stay home, instead of dragging me out of the house like he did on Monday.

I stayed home all day. I didn’t want to talk to anybody or go out. I just needed silence and a little bit of concentration to find a way of uncovering this secret to Brian.

Later in the afternoon I heard the front door opening and some voices coming from it.

Those voices belonged to Matt and Brian – I could distinguish them in any place.

Brian opened my bedroom’s door and peeked in with a smiley face.

“Hey there,” he said, entering the room.

“Hey,” I faked a smile, lying down on my bed.

“How’re you feeling? You didn’t pick up my calls today…”

“Huh… I think I’m feeling better than I was feeling in the morning…”

“That’s good,” he said, sitting on the border of the bed.

I shifted so that he could lie down next to me, knowing that if I didn’t do that he’d suspect there was something wrong.

There is something wrong, I just can’t find the courage to tell him what it is!

Brian lied down next to me and wrapped his arms around me, pushing me close to him.

He lowered his head and kissed my lips softly. I closed my eyes and savored the moment, which made me feel a thousand times worse because I shouldn’t act like this.

“Will you stay home tomorrow, too?” he asked lowly, once we parted away.

“No…” I answered. “I think I’ll go to school tomorrow.”

Brian nodded and fondled my hair.

“Maybe it was better if you had stayed home on Monday… It would help you getting better and you wouldn’t feel like this during the whole week…”

Oh, you have no idea of how true that is…

“Yeah, I know…” I nodded.

We stayed there in silence for some time until I yawned.

“I think I need some sleep. So that I can return tomorrow.” I lied.

Damn, Hailey. Stop lying.

“Oh, okay.” Brian nodded, kissing my forehead. “I hope you get better, baby.”

“Thank you,” I gave him a small smile.

He stood up and smiled at me, before leaving the room.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I really need to tell him. Soon.

On the next day I went to school, like I’d promised on the previous day.

Having to pretend that everything was okay between Brian and I was extremely hard, like it was during the other four days.

As soon as the bell for the second to last class rang, I got out of the room and headed to the gym’s changing room.

I dressed my tracksuit during the break, while the other classes were changing to their casual clothes. When they left I had finished dressing myself and the people from my class started to appear.

“You’re dressed already?” Val asked, walking in my direction.

I nodded, packing my casual clothes on my bag.

Val sighed and sat on one of the benches next to me.

“Everyone feels you’re distant, Hailey. They feel something is wrong with you.”

“What do you want me to do?” I asked, looking at her. “I can’t, I just can’t keep pretending that nothing happened. And Zacky doesn’t help at all!”

“I know, sweetie, but…”

“No buts, Val.” I said. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

The bell rang again and I got out of the changing room. I waited for everyone to get out of the changing room by the corridor that led to the gym and Jimmy was the first to come out. He approached me and started playing with me, trying to get me a smile.

I frowned and slapped his hands away. He sighed and looked at me with a disapproving face. He grabbed my hand and led me to the room where they stored the balls and equipment to classes.

“Hailey, I know you’re going to kill me because of what I’m going to say…” he said. “But you really need to tell him what happened.”

“I tried,” I said. “I really tried, but every time I open my mouth to say it I lose all my courage! I can’t, Jimmy… I just can’t…”

“Of course you can! You’re just scared of the way he’s going to react. But that’s perfectly normal!”

“No, it’s not!” I cut him. “How would you tell Leana that, if it happened to you?”

“I… I just would…” he said softly.

I sighed and shook my head.

“I know he deserves to know… And I know I’m a horrible person for not telling him that… But try to understand my side!”

“You know… He’s my best friend too… And I can see he’s really worried about you.”

“I know…” I whispered.

“He deserves to know, Hay…”

“What do I deserve to know?” Brian asked, walking in the compartment and crossing his large arms over his chest.

“Huh…” I stuttered.

“What do I deserve to know, Hailey?” he asked again. His voice showed no emotion, and that was scaring me more than I thought it would.

“Maybe it’s best if I leave…” Jimmy muttered walking to the door.

“No, you stay here,” Brian said, grabbing Jimmy’s arm and stopping him from leaving the room. “I want to know what you’ve been hiding from me,” he looked at me.

I gulped and Jimmy looked at my direction.

“Really, I should leave. This is something that involves you two, not me…”

Jimmy got out of Brian’s hold and went out the room, closing the door behind him. Brian approached me and stood in front of me.

“So… What do I need to know?”

“I… huh… hum…” I stuttered again.

I didn’t know what to say.

“Tell me what the fuck I deserve to know, Hay,” he raised his voice.

I could feel the tears starting to form in the back of my eyes – something that was becoming a regular thing this week – and I tried to speak.

“Maybe we should sit down…”

“No,” he shook his head. “Tell me now.”

“I… It was something that happened.” I said. “But I need you to know that I didn’t want it to happen, Brian!”

Brian just looked at me, not showing a single expression on his features.

“Please, Brian. I need you to trust my words. I didn’t want any of this to happen.”

“I’m still waiting for what that is…” he muttered.

I sighed and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. My heart was beating frantically and it seemed like it was about to come out of my chest.

“That day when I went to Zacky’s house…” I said. “Something… Something happened in there…”

He gritted his teeth and nodded, telling me to go on.

“I didn’t want it to happen, and I want you to know that it wasn’t me the one who started.” I said, in hopes of gaining some more time to convince myself I was going to tell me what happened between me and Zacky. “Hum… Zacky… Zacky kissed me…”

Brian didn’t react for some time. After that time, he sucked his bottom lip in, still processing what I told him and nodded, not even looking at me.

“Brian,” I touched his arms, but he just took them out of my hold. “Please, I didn’t even respond to the kiss. I pulled away immediately! I never wanted it to happen!”

“Who knew about this?” he asked lowly.

“What?”

“Who knew about this?”

“I…”

“Everybody knew, right?” he laughed sarcastically. “Jimmy knew, Matt knew, Val knew… What, you only forgot to tell me that!?”

“No, I-…”

“Oh, right. Maybe Johnny doesn’t know,” he said. “I’ll be surprised if that’s true!”

“Brian!”

“How could you do this, Hailey?” he asked. “How could you…-“ he shook his head. “After all that we’ve been through you do this? All those times when you told me you were scared that I’d do something with any other girl and I promised you I’d never do that because I loved you… And you do this!?”

The tears were now falling down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop them.

“It wasn’t my fault! I didn’t know he was going to do that!”

“But you let him do it!” he shouted angrily. “You let him get too close to you.”

“He’s my friend!”

“He’s your friend that, after all, still likes you!”

“I didn’t know that!”

Brian laughed again and passed his hands on his hair.

“This can’t be happening…” he said, looking up. “No, this isn’t happening!”

“Brian, I’m sorry!” I cried, turning him to me.

“You should have thought about that before kissing him,” he said, walking to the door.

“Brian, where are you going?” I asked, clearing my eyes.

“I don’t know,” he answered.

“Wait, I’ll go with you!” I said.

“No,” he said, looking back. “I think… I think we should give some time to each other… So we can think about what we really feel.”

What? Oh, this is just perfect! I knew I shouldn’t have told him anything. God, you’re such an idiot, Hailey!

“Are… Are you breaking up with me?” I said, my voice nearly reaching a whisper.

Brian bit his bottom lip again and looked down.

“You are… Aren’t you?”

I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my hair, nodding.

“Okay… If that’s what you want.”

I turned my back to him and tried to stop the tears that were running down my cheeks. I never thought I’d be feeling this bad!

Brian stood there, motionless, just looking at me.

He left after awhile, closing the door behind him and leaving me alone.

I started crying even harder and only stopped when I felt there were no more tears left inside of me.

I cleared my eyes and went to the bathroom, where I washed my face.

I looked at myself in the mirror and frowned. I didn’t feel as dirty as before, for hiding things from my boyfriend. Oh, I’m sorry… ex-boyfriend according to what it looks like.

I sighed and closed the water tap. I took out some tissues and cleaned my face.

I got out of the bathroom and walked to the gym, where my teacher looked at me with a frown.

“You’re late,” he said.

“I know, I’m sorry,” I said.

“Come on, run five laps around the field.”

I nodded and started running. There was only one thing running through my mind but the previous events.

Where the fuck was Brian?
♠ ♠ ♠
Uh-oh, things are not pretty on their side :/

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