Status: Ummmmmm... Just got back into writing.
Life Can Be Worth Living?
The day I died... What's to follow?
It was a wonderful, sunny June 9th. My older sister and brother were out along with my parents. I stayed home to wallow in my depression. I decided to take a bath because my parents gave me an earful about growing up and doing something with my life. So I laid in the tub, thinking, crying, regretting. Then I looked up at the shelf and grabbed my razor and without a second thought ran it across my wrist, fast and undoubtfully hard. There was a slight tingle from the ice cold metal on my bare, unblemished skin, other than that, no sensation. No pain. I watched as blood, which was my life, ran oout of me. The blood was a deep red and trickled like a rain drop on a stained glass window. I slowly ran my finger across the deep cut. I then began to write on the wall of the tub, "Happy? I did something with my life."
The bright white wall, like newly fallen snow, which used to be so clean, was now tainted by the blood I shed. Two minutes later I blacked out and thought I was at peace. Next thing I remember is having a bright light flashed in my eyes and being asked if I could feel the pin they shoved ever so violently into my hand.I squeaked, or what I thought sounded like it. Did I mention the unbearable siren sounding like a banshee that lost her prey?I heard an EMT say to a nurse, "She was officially dead for half an hour.Then she somehow started breathing and regained conciousness."
I couldn't see them but they were definitely shocked. I rolled my eyes which they couldn't see since my eyes were closed. They stitched me up and gave me plenty of blood transfusions. Apparently 3/4 of my blood was lost. My parents came in and out. Lake, my older sister, left for a couple of hours. My older brother on the other hand, stayed by my bedside the entire time. The hospital was one of the best in the state but I hated the bed, Oh how I loathed it so. Being hooked up to some machines I didn't know did not help one bit and scared me. I was more of a baby than anything when it came to that. Watching your blood go in and out a tube is... well it feels like part of you is lost. Even though I cut my wrist to die, it's still weird.
I finally decided to talk, only to Trey, my older brother, though. He told me he walked in with Bryce and found me and called 911. He described how I looked in his eyes, white as a sheet. My lifeless body lying there in a pool of red that screamed anyone who came near, this can be your fate too. A message that sent chills through the room and himself. He told me that when he picked me up, because he wouldn't allow the EMT, it reminded him of when I was a child, a small, helpless, defenseless little thing that lost its way. He said out of the corner of his eye he saw the gleam of the razor that was still in my hand and that it made him sick. He told me how worried he was and how stupid I was. Which ended in both of us in tears. He finally asked me why. My answer was life wasn't worth living the way it is now, because hiding the real me... well it shouldn't be hidden. I'm me and I should be able to show it no matter whose family I'm in. Trey, being himself, understood and wanted to help.
"Well Fair (that's what he calls me instead of Farran) you're almost 16, we can get you emancipated if you really feel that strongly. And no, I know what you're thinking. I'll be at your side the entire time after you leave home."
Trey was determined yet greatly sad by what he said. I nodded in agreement then he could tell I was tired so he let me sleep. As I slowly drifted off to dreamland I couldn't help but notice how happy and safe I felt even though I was in a hospital bed.
The next few weeks were better. I didn't cut, I wasn't depressed. They kept me in the hospital to make sure I wasn't suicidal. Every day Trey came in to see me with an attorney. We talked about getting emancipated and it ended up working out so I did get my way. Trey went all the way through court with me. I didn't see Bryce the whole time which was weird cuz Trey told me he constantly came by when I was asleep. I ended up living with Trey till I could get out of school. Over the summer Trey helped me show my true colors and still live happily. Every day we ran two miles and worked on keeping me safe. He taught me how to fight and protect myself, which was part of the court order. Since I was getting emancipated at 15 instead of 16, I had to get a hardship license. Therefore I followed all the court orders.
So I went out one day and bought purple, blue and black hair color.I bought new clothes and makeup. I went to Hot Topic and got all these things, I worked hard for all this. It took forever to get to this point. When I got home I cut my hairin layers with long bangs that cover my face and cut off a good 8 inches so that it's right below my shoulders. I colored my bangs and tipss blue and purple and the rest jet black. I loved it.Trey did too. He even asked if I was trying to give everyone a heart attack on the first day of the new school year. He said it with a smile so his approval was noted. Me, being proud, said yes. I then showed him my outfit that I was going to wear: really tattered black skinny jeans, knee high black Chucks and a purple tank top under a serverely ripped shirt. I loved it and that was without my makeup.
But as I said, tomorrow was the 1st day of school so I took a shower and went to bed, Of course I couldnt sleep so I only got 4 hours. Yay me and my nerves.
I woke up at 6 a.m., put my clothes on and added sunglasses, stud earrings and a can cap necklace. My makeup was something I was very proud of,black eyeliner, purple glitter eyeshadow with purple liner in the corners and a slight swish of mascara on my already long eyelashes.
The bright white wall, like newly fallen snow, which used to be so clean, was now tainted by the blood I shed. Two minutes later I blacked out and thought I was at peace. Next thing I remember is having a bright light flashed in my eyes and being asked if I could feel the pin they shoved ever so violently into my hand.I squeaked, or what I thought sounded like it. Did I mention the unbearable siren sounding like a banshee that lost her prey?I heard an EMT say to a nurse, "She was officially dead for half an hour.Then she somehow started breathing and regained conciousness."
I couldn't see them but they were definitely shocked. I rolled my eyes which they couldn't see since my eyes were closed. They stitched me up and gave me plenty of blood transfusions. Apparently 3/4 of my blood was lost. My parents came in and out. Lake, my older sister, left for a couple of hours. My older brother on the other hand, stayed by my bedside the entire time. The hospital was one of the best in the state but I hated the bed, Oh how I loathed it so. Being hooked up to some machines I didn't know did not help one bit and scared me. I was more of a baby than anything when it came to that. Watching your blood go in and out a tube is... well it feels like part of you is lost. Even though I cut my wrist to die, it's still weird.
I finally decided to talk, only to Trey, my older brother, though. He told me he walked in with Bryce and found me and called 911. He described how I looked in his eyes, white as a sheet. My lifeless body lying there in a pool of red that screamed anyone who came near, this can be your fate too. A message that sent chills through the room and himself. He told me that when he picked me up, because he wouldn't allow the EMT, it reminded him of when I was a child, a small, helpless, defenseless little thing that lost its way. He said out of the corner of his eye he saw the gleam of the razor that was still in my hand and that it made him sick. He told me how worried he was and how stupid I was. Which ended in both of us in tears. He finally asked me why. My answer was life wasn't worth living the way it is now, because hiding the real me... well it shouldn't be hidden. I'm me and I should be able to show it no matter whose family I'm in. Trey, being himself, understood and wanted to help.
"Well Fair (that's what he calls me instead of Farran) you're almost 16, we can get you emancipated if you really feel that strongly. And no, I know what you're thinking. I'll be at your side the entire time after you leave home."
Trey was determined yet greatly sad by what he said. I nodded in agreement then he could tell I was tired so he let me sleep. As I slowly drifted off to dreamland I couldn't help but notice how happy and safe I felt even though I was in a hospital bed.
The next few weeks were better. I didn't cut, I wasn't depressed. They kept me in the hospital to make sure I wasn't suicidal. Every day Trey came in to see me with an attorney. We talked about getting emancipated and it ended up working out so I did get my way. Trey went all the way through court with me. I didn't see Bryce the whole time which was weird cuz Trey told me he constantly came by when I was asleep. I ended up living with Trey till I could get out of school. Over the summer Trey helped me show my true colors and still live happily. Every day we ran two miles and worked on keeping me safe. He taught me how to fight and protect myself, which was part of the court order. Since I was getting emancipated at 15 instead of 16, I had to get a hardship license. Therefore I followed all the court orders.
So I went out one day and bought purple, blue and black hair color.I bought new clothes and makeup. I went to Hot Topic and got all these things, I worked hard for all this. It took forever to get to this point. When I got home I cut my hairin layers with long bangs that cover my face and cut off a good 8 inches so that it's right below my shoulders. I colored my bangs and tipss blue and purple and the rest jet black. I loved it.Trey did too. He even asked if I was trying to give everyone a heart attack on the first day of the new school year. He said it with a smile so his approval was noted. Me, being proud, said yes. I then showed him my outfit that I was going to wear: really tattered black skinny jeans, knee high black Chucks and a purple tank top under a serverely ripped shirt. I loved it and that was without my makeup.
But as I said, tomorrow was the 1st day of school so I took a shower and went to bed, Of course I couldnt sleep so I only got 4 hours. Yay me and my nerves.
I woke up at 6 a.m., put my clothes on and added sunglasses, stud earrings and a can cap necklace. My makeup was something I was very proud of,black eyeliner, purple glitter eyeshadow with purple liner in the corners and a slight swish of mascara on my already long eyelashes.