Tortured Hearts

January, a new beginning, I had decided. Christmas had come and gone without much happening. I’d attempted going around to Charlie’s, only to have his exasperated mom tell me that he didn’t want to speak to me (however, she did give me a batch of cookies for a present). I couldn’t understand why Charlie had been ignoring me, but the only person who knew the answer was Charlie himself. My parents were slightly more lively than the last Christmas we had, since Britt had only just died the previous year. My dad attempted asking me about how Will was, causing an awkward moment where I had to explain that we were no longer together.
Yeah, other than that, pretty uneventful.
“You look like hell,” Ruth laughed as I dragged myself into the kitchen. I laughed sarcastically at her and threw a blueberry muffin at her.
“You don’t look so hot yourself.” It wasn’t down to spending my time balling my eyes out (not last night, at least), but due to the fact we’d been out for a New Years party the night before.
“Bet we both look better than Cora, though,” Ruth said, widening her eyes and then laughing.
I agreed with Ruth as I thought about Cora downing all those shots, then dancing, then drinking some more… and then at the end of the night, I found her crawling around the dance floor looking for a lost earing (sounds sensible until you know that she wasn’t wearing any to begin with). Ruth and I staggered her back to her flat and shoved her into her shower, fully clothed underneath the freezing water and shrieking at us to let her sleep.
“The guys aren’t up yet either, are they?” I asked with a laugh.
“Evan went home with some chick last night.” At Ruth’s grimace, I realised that he’d pulled someone he would probably regret.
“Why, she that bad?”
“Clingy Clara,” Ruth giggled. Clara was the nightmare of a lot of the boys at uni, since a kiss to her meant almost the same as marriage .

Cora had her dark shades on as we sat in the café, her whole body slumped forward over the black coffee in front of her. “My God, why do you let me drink?”
“You say that every time,” I chuckled.
“This time I mean it,” she insisted.
I took a sip of mocha and said, “Yes, and you say that every time too.”
“Shut up, Alicia.” I was about to tease her further, when I caught sight of Will entering the café with Hanna holding his hand.
“Kill me now,” I groaned, sinking in my seat.
“Why?” Cora asked, turning to see the cute couple (barf) ordering at the counter. “Motherfucker!” Cora didn’t usually swear, but ever since Will cheated on me… well, she had a few choice words to say about him. “Why does he think he can go around like that?”
“He has as much right to be here as me,” I sighed.
“Don’t try to be nice,” Cora grumbled. “Just for once, stand your ground and say ‘you know what, this is not ok.’”
“I’m just trying to move on.” I lowered my eyes to my coffee as they began turning, trying not to suffer their eye contact. I thought they’d have sat down so I risked a peak and ended up locking eyes with the very man I never wanted to look at ever again.
The worst part was that my heart ached for him. With his sweet smile and chocolate, warm eyes… he could easily sweep me off my feet with just one glance.
Love.
Sucks.
Big time…
I sighed and let my eyes drop as he sat down with Hanna, smiling at her as he used to smile at me.
“We can leave if you want,” Cora suggested, seeing how much I was suffering.
“No,” I stated. Then when I saw her lean over to kiss him, I quickly reconsidered. “Oh God, let’s get out of here.”
“Done and done,” Cora agreed, putting the money down and joining me in walking out the door.
“Ouch,” I heard Hanna squeak as Cora passed her with her bag conveniently sticking out.
“Did you just hit her with your bag?” I chuckled as we got outside.
Cora shrugged, “I don’t know. I can’t control where her head is when I swing my bag onto my shoulder, can I?” Cora made me laugh, if nothing else could. It was just a pity that she couldn’t be around me 24/7, as it was when I was alone that the dark thoughts crept into my mind.