Tortured Hearts

When I finally went back, to my studies more than anything, I left Charlie feeling satisfied with my trip. I’d only stayed with him for a few days, but already it seemed as though nothing had happened between us in the first place; we were best friends again and it left me feeling more upbeat about life than I had felt in a long while.
I dumped my luggage back into my room and when I opened the door, I found Mark standing there casually.
“Hey,” I said with a bright smile. “You grabbing some lunch or have you already had some?” I started heading towards the kitchen.
“You sorted things out with him?” Mark asked as he followed me into the kitchen.
“Yeah, thank goodness,” I replied before shooting him another smile. He seemed dumbfounded by my almost hyperactive happiness. “Did you want me to make you a sandwich too?”
“No thanks.” He sat down at the table and watched me as I begun to take ingredients from the fridge. “Did he give you a reason for treating you the way he did?” Mark nearly sounded protective of me as he said that. I turned to look at him as I considered his question. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and some dark jeans and I found myself incapable of stringing together a sentence whilst I stared at him.
“Well yes. And he didn’t really treat me all that badly… just not the way a best friend is supposed to treat you,” I said once I’d looked away.
I heard him sigh heavily before he replied, “Alicia, you have to start standing up for yourself. It’s not ok the way your best friend treated you, and it wasn’t ok how Will treated you.” I flinched at the sound of Will’s name.
“I know that,” I murmured, feeling as though my good mood was diminishing.
“Good. Then you can learn how you should be treated in the future.” He had stood up and was stood closer to me as he said that.
I’m not stupid. At that moment my heart leapt and my legs felt like they were hollow as I realised Mark felt attracted to me in the same way that I was towards him. How I reacted to that knowledge is a different matter. I kept my head turned towards making my sandwich as my cheeks flared pink and I thought of a reply. “That’s a fair enough comment.”
Mark let out a laugh at my reply and I turned to shoot him a shy smile before turning back to my lunch. Even if I knew both our feelings matched, I was still trying to ease myself into the thought of a new relationship. Before Will, there had been nobody and now… I just couldn’t quite see myself jumping into another’s arms yet.
When we sat down at the table, I’d composed myself by then, I asked him to tell me what had gone on around there.
“Nothing unusual,” he replied. “Ruth actually cooked something edible yesterday.” We both smiled at that one, knowing how Ruth argued she was the best cook of the lot of us.
“So have you got plans for this afternoon?”
“I’m busy in lectures, but we could go out for dinner afterwards?” I saw the look in his eyes and I knew he meant just the two of us.
I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face before I replied, “Where to? Pizza Island?”
“Please, we can do better than that. I know the perfect place.” His mischievous smile seemed to stem from his sheer joy at being accepted on his date off, though neither of us were actually calling it a date; baby steps still.
“You sure like to keep surprises, don’t you?” I chuckled as my eyes met his playful gaze. In those dark weeks after the deception at Will’s hands, I never thought I’d feel like this again and yet, here was that same feeling; it was exciting, like a sugar-rush that wasn’t quite wearing off yet. “Is it going to be somewhere I need to dress up for?”
“I’m not telling you,” he replied, still smiling.
“What if I’m too underdressed or too overdressed?” He gave me a look that said ‘girls think too much’. “I’ll just wing it then?”
“I’m sure you’ll manage it. But now I have to get out of here before I’m late. I’ll meet you at the bus stop at ten past six, ok?”
“Right,” I replied, a smile threatening to spill onto my face again. It was illegal how much one person could make your whole expression light up.

“Why can’t you come?” Cora practically whined at me as she threw herself on my bed. It was getting on for four already and Cora had come to invite me out to a meal and then some clubbing.
“Believe it or not, I kind of have a date.” Her face lit up then and she started to beg me for details. “Well, neither of us admitted it really was a date. So it’s not serious, right?”
“Wrong! Alicia, if he, whoever he is, has asked you out for a meal between two, it’s serious! Oh my gosh, who is it?” She pleaded with her big puppy-dog eyes but I continued to laugh and shake my head.
“No. I can’t, it’s only early days yet.”
“Please? I promise you I won’t tell anyone. I just want to know.”
“Cora, I don’t know whether it’s going to go anywhere yet.”
“Don’t give me that crap,” she complained, narrowing her eyes. “I can see the look on your face. That look says you’re falling for someone, and I want to know who!”
“But—”
“No buts! Just spill already.”
I sighed and then gave in a little, “If tonight goes well, I will tell you who it is.”
“Hmm… what about if he kisses you, you call me up afterwards and spill! You’ll be so excited if that happens, you’ll probably want to tell me all about it anyway, won’t you?”
“I suppose that’s a good enough deal, especially since I don’t think he’s going to kiss me.”
“He might.” She made goo-goo eyes and kissing faces before we both giggled at her silliness. “I’m really happy for you, anyway. Now pass me some of your fairy dust or whatever you use to catch the boys? I’m having no such luck.”
“What about that boy who used to sit in front of us? He was totally into you.”
She set her face into a frustrated look before saying, “No, he wanted me to write his essays for him.”
“Really? When did you find that out?”
“When I asked him on a date and he asked me whether I meant a study date. He looked so glad I was offering him some help.”
“But that doesn’t mean—”
“Oh it does. Apparently Evan overheard him saying he’d managed to flirt his way to good grades finally. Utter jerk.”
“Sorry Cor,” I sighed out, sad that she hadn’t had much luck with him; he was cute but I suspected he hadn’t the brains for the course, as Cora found out.
“Enough about that. What are you going to wear for your date?”
“I figured I’d just wear a pair of jeans and a nice top.”
She practically glared at me. “Alicia, that is not date material! You want him to think you’re interested by putting a little effort in. Otherwise, it looks like you’re just wasting his time.” She got up off my bed and went to my clothes, flicking through them until she found a dress that Britt had given me but I’d never worn; I always kept it for the sentimental value.
“It’s perfect. How come you’ve never worn it before?” she asked.
I took the deep blue dress from her hands and looked down at the beautiful piece of clothing; Britt really did have an eye for style.
“Well…” did I really have to get into my sob story right at that moment. “My sister gave it to me.” I smiled tightly and she gave me a curious expression. “She’s… well… she died. It’s sort of how I met Will in the first place.”
“You met Will because you lost your sister?” she looked nearly heartbroken for me. “How?”
Here it comes, all the stuff I wanted to forget about. “It’s complicated, I’m not really meant to say anything about it.” Why was I still being loyal to Will over his secret? I had no idea, but I knew I could tell Cora the whole truth. Hell, I’d kept it to myself for so long, what was the harm? “Well, actually, Britt donated her heart and Will was the person who received it.”
“He had a heart transplant from your sister?” Cora was becoming more and more shocked as I carried on.
“We were twins,” I nodded. Cora’s mouth hung open even more than I felt humanly was possible.
“But how is he even allowed to play on the team?”
“Because it’s all a secret,” I sighed heavily, feeling the need to sit down onto my bed. “And you are one of the only people I have ever told.”
“Do you think that bitch knows?”
“Hanna? Probably. He wouldn’t be able to keep that from her.”
“Is it possible for me to hate him any more now? God, I could just—”
“Cora, you have to keep it a secret.”
“I will, for you, but hell! Jeez, Alicia, this is… wow.”
“It’s a lot to take in, I understand,” I stated. I then felt the need to lighten the mood a little by finding out a picture of Britt and me. “That’s her,” I pointed out as I handed Cora the picture I kept hidden in my bedside drawer.
“Gosh, she really is your twin. Does anyone else here know about her?”
I looked down. “I didn’t want to share something so… well, it’s a mood-killer, isn’t it?”
“You shouldn’t feel the need to keep this a secret. I’m sure people would understand.”
“I know they would, but they shouldn’t have to. I was happy to move here and not be the girl with the dead twin. It sounds heartless when I think of it like that, though.” It felt like I was spitting on Britt’s memory, as though I was ashamed of her, when really I was prouder of her than of anyone else; she’d saved a life, even if it were that of William Stone.
“I can understand that. It’s like getting a fresh start, isn’t it?” I nodded. “Anyway, you should wear that dress with a pair of heels. You’ll look amazing.”
I smiled and then let her go back to her dorm before I showered and started getting ready. After I put the blue dress on, I stood in front of my mirror and admired the way it complimented my hair and eyes. Britt knew what suited us and I always wondered when I’d get the chance, and the courage, to wear the dress she’d given me.

Britt was on the sofa, her hair a little thin-looking from her treatment but it hadn’t completely fallen out yet. She was on her laptop keeping in touch with all her friends from school. She loved emailing and refused to use the Facebook messaging system, even though it was deemed more popular; one of Britt’s many quirks.
I dropped my schoolbag at the bottom of the stairs and started to run up them when I heard her calling me. I stopped and rushed back down, wondering whether she needed anything. She wasn’t as weak as the doctors said she might get with the treatment, and she still wanted to do everything for herself, but my parents wanted the rest of us to help her out as much as possible.
“Open that, Alicia,” she said, pointing to the package that was on the coffee table.
“Did a delivery come when I was at school?” My parents were still at work and I worried about Britt having to answer the door in her condition.
She rolled her eyes, “I’m fine, Licia. Just open the package.” I sighed and opened it, pulling out a deep blue dress.
“Wow, it’s beautiful. Did you buy this for when you get better?” I knew our parents wouldn’t let her go out until then.
“I bought it for you,” she replied with a shrug. “You’re going to a party this weekend, aren’t you?” A party she had been invited to but couldn’t go.
“Yes but—”
“I bought it for you. Now don’t complain, it’ll look beautiful on you.” I smiled and leaned over to give her a loose hug, not holding her too tightly because she ached already.
“Thank you.”

I never got to that party in the end because Britt took a turn for the worse and had to be rushed into hospital for observation. She was out the Tuesday after, but she was always annoyed I’d given up a party to come and sit by her bedside with our parents.
At least on my date with Mark I’d be able to finally wear what she’d picked out for me.
I waited for Mark, feeling almost nervous that he wouldn’t turn up, which was ridiculous considering that Mark was one of those people that were always on time. I turned as I heard footsteps coming towards me and I smiled as he finally joined me waiting for the bus into the nearby city. He looked down at my dress before meeting my eyes with a smile. I knew without words that he thought I looked beautiful and it warmed me from the inside out. I noticed he’d managed to change into a fresh t-shirt and from the way his dark hair was slightly wet, he’d showered, but he still wore his jeans.
“I’m not overdressed, am I?” I asked.
“Not at all. I don’t own anything fancier than casual clothes.” I smiled at his honesty and blushed a little when he took my hand into his.
We spoke minimally on the bus ride into the city and I knew that this wasn’t due to us feeling awkward with one another but actually feeling comfortable with one another; Mark was a man of very little words anyway and I respected that.
We eventually came to a little restaurant that had all kinds of people sitting and enjoying the food; some were in suits and dresses whilst others were dressed in casual attire. Either way, it seemed like we fit in well and I smiled as Mark gave his name for a table.
Once we’d ordered, we begun to tease each other lightly. “So you have a natural wave to your hair then,” I noted as I looked to his now dry hair.
He raised an eyebrow and laughed a little before saying, “I didn’t have time to dry it properly. Be thankful I actually showered since I’d been in that lecture hall all afternoon, till half five in the end.”
“You finished early?”
“Thankfully. It was really boring.”
“Anyway, enough about school stuff. How did you find this place?”
“I find all the best places, don’t I?” I laughed loudly at that cocky statement coming from Mark. He smiled at my laughter and then added, “I explored the city a while back and thought this looked a nice place to eat.”
“It is,” I said, looking around me. It was small enough to be romantic, yet large enough to be private. “Now let’s hope the rest of the evening lives up to your expectations.” I was toying with the idea we were on a date, but I wasn’t specifically mentioning it being a date.
“So far it has,” he said quietly with a secret smile playing on his lips.
Cheekily I said, “That’s obviously because of your fine dining partner over here.” He said nothing but just met my eyes and continued to smile as though he agreed. My cheeks pinked and I drunk some of my drink before saying, “You were supposed to dispute that, you know.”
He shrugged and continued to look into my eyes warmly until our food arrived, breaking through our silence.
He was right about the food looking good. It tasted good too. After we’d finished eating, we decided to pay up and see whether there were any movies on we wanted to watch. He pulled out his wallet to pay and I pulled out my cash too, wanting to split the bill.
“I’ll get it,” he said.
“We’re splitting,” I stated, putting my half down and smiling at him with a glimmer of playfulness in my eyes. He smiled, shook his head in disbelief and then accepted my offer of halves.
We left and went to check the listings. “Well that’s disappointing,” I said as I looked at the rubbish that was playing. “Do you want to want to watch one of them anyway?”
“I’ve got a better idea. Come on.” He took my hand and we walked till we came to a DVD rental store. We picked out a movie and he paid for it before we walked back to the bus-stop.
When we arrived back on campus there was a commotion over at one of the nearby club’s entrances. Mark went a little static before he took us back to our building.
“Did you see what was going on over there?”
“Just looked like a scuffle between a couple of guys,” he replied. I ignored his more tense mood and just took it for not liking the violence. He then unlocked his door and we went into his room to watch the DVD together on his bed. His room was clean but the desk was cluttered with schoolwork and what looked like drawing pads. He had a small TV and DVD player across from the bed, where we both sat down on to watch the movie.
I was glad that we’d picked a comedy after the tense mood of before, as by the end of the movie Mark had loosened up again and I kept catching glimpses of his beautiful smile during it. Afterwards, we checked the time and decided to call it a night. I was getting tired anyway, so I didn’t mind.
Mark let me out of my room with a smile and I said goodnight before going to mine along the hallway. When I closed my door, I realised that a sense of disappointment had washed over me. Was I expecting a kiss? Perhaps I was.
I took off my heels and was about to undo my dress when there was a knock at my door. When I opened it, I found my lips meeting Mark’s and I was shocked for a moment before I responded by returning his kiss. It was only at the end of the kiss, after we’d pulled our lips apart, that I realised his hands were gently cupping my face, our faces still only inches apart. His eyes looked into mine as though searching for signs of regret.
“Goodnight,” he whispered, his cool breath hitting my lips and making my heart race.
“Goodnight,” I agreed and he pulled away before walking back down the corridor.
I stood at my door for a few silent moments before I shut it, a huge grin erupting on my face. He kissed me…
He kissed me!
I almost squealed with happiness and then I groaned, laughing slightly when I remembered my promise to Cora. And I’d been so sure it wouldn’t happen. I picked out my phone and called her, hoping she wouldn’t still be in the club at past midnight. There was no answer and I decided she was either probably still partying or was back in her room, sleeping off the worst of her drinking.