Tortured Hearts

I can’t say that seeing Will and Hanna together got any easier. Their appearance together happened frequently and every time it felt like a stab in my heart. They probably didn’t realise they were even doing it. The only thing I could do was to try to ignore them and the pain it caused me; easier said than done.
Mildred saved up her money regularly to visit me, since she insisted that the Uni back home that she went to was boring and had no places to have a good chat. Today was one of the days that she had chosen to visit me, but today she was here under less happy terms.
Her sad eyes were the first thing I saw when I entered Pizza Island as we met up for lunch. She looked tired and sad, like she’d been crying for hours on end. I embraced her in a hug before sitting down and waiting for her to speak, knowing she needed to vent.
“I’m a mess, Alicia,” she started, her fingers fumbling with a napkin that she’d been shredding into pieces whilst waiting for me. “I know I don’t have any right to moan, especially to you since… well, since you have been through far worse recently. But I just can’t help it.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I told her, knowing that I’d done my fair share of crying and complaining recently. “What’s been upsetting you?”
“It’s Charlie,” she sobbed, breaking down hysterically in front of me. It kind of shocked me into silence at first, but I gradually started to comfort her into saying more. “He’s being such a… well, a slut.” My eyes widened as she used the word, since Mildred didn’t usually like to use such language. Her cheeks pinked as she registered what she’d said herself.
“What’s been going on with him?”
“I’ve seen him kissing so many people- so many boys- and I’ve even heard from other people that it’s been going further than just kissing. I don’t have a right to say anything to him, since I was the one who ended things but… I still care about him and he’s acting as though sleeping with two guys on the same night is just fine.”
I’d never known Charlie do things like that and it shocked me as much as it seemed to be shocking Mildred. For Charlie to be acting that way, it seemed he was in a mess himself.
“There isn’t much you could say to him, even if you wanted to,” I assured Mildred. “Mills, he’s probably just got himself into a mess. He’s experimenting and hurting himself more than anyone.”
“He’s hurting me too,” she sniffled.
“I know, honey,” I replied, holding onto her hand as I spoke. “This is hard for you to hear, but it’s time you moved on. Worrying about Charlie is one thing, but getting yourself so worked up and upset about it is another.”
“I just wish I could say something to him to help.”
“We’re in the same boat.” I smiled at her gently, knowing that we were both suffering the same feelings of hurt, heartbreak and rejection. “I’ve got to get over Will and you’ve got to get over Charlie.”
“I’m sorry to load my problems onto you. I feel so silly.”
“Mills, how many times do I call you with my problems?” Although selfish of me, I was glad of someone else having problems rather than having to concentrate on my own for once.

Later on that day, I was sat in the kitchen eating ice-cream from a tub. After Mildred had left to return home, I was left with my own problems to face up to again. My thoughts of distress brought me to my trusty spoon and tub.
“You’re going to get fat,” someone said, making me look up to see who’d entered the room so quietly so as not to disturb me. It was Mark; it had to be, saying something so blunt… but truthful, if I’d admit it.
“Great, another thing I have to worry about. Thanks,” I replied whilst rolling my eyes.
“He isn’t worth a second more of your time,” Mark continued as he sat across from me, watching me spoon ice-cold calories into my mouth.
“That’s funny, since I haven’t spoken to him once since.”
“I meant your thoughts.” Damn me being so dumb. He probably thought I was an idiot, sitting across from him and swallowing my feelings.
“You must think you’re Yoda,” I said eventually, putting the tub down and sighing.
“I’m just trying to help,” he admitted, his blue eyes watching me carefully.
“What do you suggest I do to make myself feel better?” I sat back and crossed my arms, waiting for his suggestion; I doubted it would be any good, if I’m honest.
“Firstly, accept that it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Secondly, forget about him and just enjoy spending time with your friends, people who really care about you.”
I interrupted him to say, “Forgetting would be easier if I didn’t see him all the time.”
“True, but when you do see him you should just remind yourself of all the things that aren’t so great about him.”
“Like what?” I asked, internally weeping dramatically about how perfect Will was and how he was no longer mine.
“Just think about it,” Mark replied. “You know him better than me. Blinded by love, we tend to overlook peoples flaws.”
“So every time I see him, I think of how he was sometimes jealous?” I surprised myself by thinking of at least one flaw; but I was right, he had been jealous on more than one occasion. At Mark’s expression, I explained, “My phone broke when I was on a road trip with my friends and when I got back, he was extremely pissed off that I hadn’t got into contact with him. It was like we had broken up for a little while.”
“Yeah, things like that are good to remember when you see him. It sounds like he wasn’t a very understanding guy.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” I replied, still defending him. “But I guess you’re right, everyone has flaws.”
“Now, for the second part, do you want to come with me and do something fun?”
“With you?” I asked, realising I’d previously thought Mark spent his days sitting and reading and not doing much else.
“No, with your ice-cream tub,” he replied with a sigh.
“Ok, ok, I’m sorry for being so dumb. Where do you plan on taking me?”
“You will have to wait and see,” he replied with a smile.

So far we were sat on a bus, making our way out of the University and the surrounding areas. Even though I pestered Mark to tell me where we were going, he wouldn’t say. It was exciting in a way, to be taken on a daytrip. It had gotten to three in the afternoon when we first set out, so I was slightly worried we wouldn’t be able to get to wherever we were going and back within a day.
“How far away are we going?” Mark said nothing in reply, only watching the world fly by past our window. “What if we don’t get back before dark?” again, no reply. I sighed and regarded Mark through narrowed eyes. “You’re a man of very few words, aren’t you?”
“Sometimes it’s better to save your breath until you have something useful to say,” He replied. It was another of his famous statements that made me feel stupid next to him.
“You could at least talk to me,” I replied. “This is going to be a long journey if you won’t talk.”
“If you stop asking about where we’re going, then I’ll talk with you.”
“Ok.” I felt like a naughty child that had been caught stealing from the treat cupboard.
“Your friend was here again today,” he noted, watching me closely as he always did. His eyes always portrayed that he was thinking about something that I couldn’t even dream of knowing.
“Mills,” I replied, wanting to let him into my world outside of the university. “She came to talk to me about Charlie, my best friend. Or, well, used to be best friend.”
“Why, aren’t you friends anymore?” Mark asked, keeping the conversation going.
“He started to reject and ignore my calls recently.” I shrugged. “I don’t know why, though. I thought we were still ok, but obviously not.”
“His loss,” Mark stated, as though it was matter-of-fact.
There were a few silent moments between us before I continued to tell Mark about what Mildred and I had talked about. “Well Mills used to go out with him, but since he started ignoring me she dumped him. Now, according to her, he’s chasing every guy he sees; he’s bi, you see, though has usually tended towards guys than girls.”
“And now he’s putting it about straight after splitting up?” Mark asked and I nodded. “Sounds like he’s not over someone.”
“You think he’s in love with Mildred still?” Mark didn’t answer me, but his eyes continued to watch me. I took that to mean he agreed. “You’re pretty smart, you know?”
This made Mark crack a smile, chuckling at me. “Thanks, I suppose.”
“The only problem is, I told Mildred to move on and get over Charlie.”
“Sounds like good advice,” Mark said as he relaxed back into his seat. He confused me with this answer, since he’d just stated he thought Charlie was still in love with Mildred. But perhaps he meant that it was best that Mildred moved on, since Charlie didn’t seem to be in the right mind for a relationship. I kind of agreed with this.
“I wish I knew what I’ve done wrong,” I sighed heavily, knowing that there had to be a reason for Charlie to ignore me.
“To your friend? Nothing, I should think. If you can’t think of a reason, then it’s his problem and not yours.”
“I must be boring you with all my problems.”
“Not at all,” Mark insisted. “What are friends for?”

Two whole hours later and Mark told me that we were at our stop. We got off and the bus drove away as I looked flabbergasted at the sight in front of me. In front of us was a haze of corn, growing high towards the sky. We were in the countryside, far, far away from the university.
“Come on,” Mark said as he climbed over the wooden fence.
“You’re not a murderer, are you?” I asked fearfully as he held out his hand for me.
Mark laughed at this and shook his head. “No, no I’m not. Now get a move on, or we’ll lose too much time.”
I let Mark help me over the fence, leading me through the tall corn. It was like we were swallowed into the almost dead crops. “How are they still here in January?”
“Perhaps they forgot about these crops,” Mark suggested. “After all, there doesn’t seem to be a farmhouse anywhere around.” Since it had been fairly warm for winter, and since I’d gone to a further south University, I accepted this. “They’ll die on their own soon anyway.”
We continued weaving our way through the corn till we came to the edge of a forest that seemed to be going upwards. “This involves climbing, doesn’t it?” I asked grouchily.
“It’s only a hill,” Mark replied. “It’s just a short ascent and we’ll be there.”
“It’s already six, though,” I stated. “By the time we get up that it’ll have gone dark.”
“Don’t you trust me?”
I shut up and let him take me with him, walking up the ‘hill’ through the trees.

Panting for breath and ready to kill Mark for making me climb up, we reached the summit and it was getting late. The sun would be setting shortly and we were stuck on top of a flipping mound of earth.
Mark sat down, his breath as short as mine as he looked out at the surrounding area. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
I joined him on the ground and looked out at the view. It was true, we’d probably got the best viewpoint for miles; I could see for miles around even with the light beginning to dwindle. The surrounding area was forestland and fields, all giving the air a clean feel that cities missed.
“It is beautiful.” I agreed as I realised the peacefulness of where we were. “But we’ll have to get going now if we want to be back before tomorrow.” I was being practical; if we stayed any longer, we’d end up missing the last bus home.
“Chill, Alicia. We’ve not seen what we came for yet.” His eyes drew upwards to the orange of the setting sun. I decided to trust him as I relaxed to watch the sunset.
It reminded me of the time Will and I had gone to the beach and sat on the pier together. Back then it felt like we’d be together forever, but I suppose that’s how everyone feels until it’s over.
“What are you thinking about?” Mark whispered quietly, his deep voice resting gently on the silence we were in.
“Just how the last time I watched the sunset, it felt as though Will and I would stay together forever.” Mark said nothing in reply and we sat there in a comfortable silence, save for the sounds of nature.
Then once the sunset was over, I went to get up and Mark took hold of my wrist gently, keeping me from moving from where I was.
“Wait, the best bit is yet to come.” I saw through the darkness how his blue eyes held a child-like excitement and I smiled back at him.
Above our heads, stars littered the sky with their lights. It took ten minutes but then I saw it and gasped aloud. A meteor shower was burning across the universe above, bright colours shooting out all around.
“This is the last scheduled one of that for our lifetime,” Mark murmured through the night’s air.
“Is it a meteor shower?” I asked, wondering whether I was right.
“Something like that,” he replied with a smile. “Come on, we can go now.”
On the way back down the hill, I asked Mark how he had known about that place we’d just been.
“I grew up somewhere not too far from here,” he replied. “Pretty lucky, huh?”
“It’s beautiful around here,” I agreed.

Luckily for us, we managed to catch the last bus going our way. I leaned back and enjoyed the journey home, thinking about how someday I’d ease the painful memories of Will with ones of new happiness: now when I saw a sunset, I’d think of seeing the star phenomenon with Mark rather than the time on the pier with Will.