Temptation Is Torture

Alex

When Saturday came around I was really happy. I hadn’t properly seen Austin in a while now, he’s been spending most of his time with Justin for some reason. I know that they’re friends, but I obviously don’t like how close they are. Justin’s a creep, but I’d never go up to Austin and tell him to stay away from him or anything like that. I understand that Austin can talk to whoever he likes, whether I like it or not.

I'm making a big effort for today. Dressing up all smart, doing my hair even better than I do on school days and I'm personally preparing a picnic for the two of us. My dad and Evan are helping out a little as well; they know I want to impress this guy.

Do you think a picnic would be too awkward? I thought it might be. Usually picnics for two people look really romantic and I know that Austin won’t like that. Evan told me that it doesn't have to be like that though. He’s promised me that all of this will work out fine, so I'm just hoping that his word rings true. If it doesn't, I have no idea what would happen. I hate how little Austin’s been talking to me, but if today goes badly, then he might stop talking to me all together. I don’t know how I’d deal with that. I’d miss him so much. I miss him now if I'm honest and I barely even know him; that must say something.

I really like the kid. I really like him.

Once I was pleased with the way I looked I strutted down the stairs to see my dad and Evan in the kitchen. I originally planned to do it all myself, but my dads know a lot better than me when it comes to things like this, so it’s probably for the best that I let them take charge.

“Austin’s a lucky boy,” my dad smiled.

Sure...

“He’s not gay though,” I said quietly. “And he doesn't know I am. If he did he wouldn't be going out with me today; I can guarantee that.”

“No you can’t,” Evan assured me. “He’d accept you. And from the stories I’ve heard, he seems pretty into you yourself.”

“No,” I said bluntly.

Austin’s a religious boy; he doesn't like me like that. Sure, I'm religious and I like him, but I'm different to most people.

“The lunch should be ready soon,” dad told me. “What time are you meeting him?”

“I’m gonna knock for him soonish.”

I really can’t wait to see him again.

When I got to Austin’s house, carrying the picnic basket, I started to feel really nervous. I'm the sort of person who doesn’t feel nerves that often, but right now I feel like my stomachs going to explode.

What if he doesn't like the food?

What if he doesn't like me?

I knocked on the door hesitantly then stood and patiently waited for him to answer. I was praying that it was him that answered and not his mum or dad. This is awkward enough as it is, I'm not ready to face the parents.

“H-hey,” he stuttered as he opened the door, stepping back a second and taking in my appearance.

God he looked good today. His small frame was peeping past the door to look at me and I couldn’t stop the feeling of pride that washed through me when he smiled at me. He must want to see me. He must.

“You look great Aus,” I told him truthfully. I loved his jeans. They were slightly loose fitting but they shaped his little legs perfectly.

“Cheers,” he whispered, staring at the floor as he pulled on his shoes. When he looked up again a grin appeared on his face. “Nice shirt,” he smirked.

I looked to see what I was wearing, even though I already knew what top I had on. I only put it on me a few hours ago, of course I didn't forget. It was florescent pink. Nice choice, right?

“Picked it out myself,” I told him, making him laugh.

“Thought as much,” he chuckled as he left the house.

“Woah, what’s that meant to mean?”

“Pink suits you,” he smiled.

“Thank you? Unless you’re insulting me. If you are I'm deeply offended.”

“You’re seriously wearing pink?” he laughed.

“So you are insulting me then?”

He clapped his hands sarcastically at me.

“Hey! Leave me be,” I laughed. “I’ve got us some awesome food so if you want to eat you’ve gotta be nice to me.”

***

We went into the forest to have our picnic together. It was actually really sweet.

“I haven’t had a picnic since I was a little kid,” Austin told me. “It’s weird doing this again.”

“I know what you mean,” I smiled as I pulled out the picnic blanket and laid it down below a large tree that was blocking the sunlight.

“This is nice,” he told me, making me feel really great inside. He likes this.

We sat down together against the tree and ate. Evan’s a really good cook so I knew all of it would be delicious. Austin appreciated it all too.

“You’ve got some on your nose,” he told me as I tucked into a cream cake.

“Where on my nose?” I smirked.

“Right there,” he said as he leaned over me and wiped it off with his thumb. “All gone.”

I knew I probably shouldn’t have done this, but I felt like doing it and before I could stop myself, it had already happened. I sucked the cream off his thumb. He surprisingly didn't stop me but I knew it made him uncomfortable. Austin went quiet after that and he stopped eating.

I've messed this up. I’ve ruined everything!

“S-sorry,” I stuttered.

I'm never nervous; unless I'm with him.

“Erm...S’okay,” he told me quietly, blushing a little.

Once we were done eating and we were both over that little incident, I moved the blanket into the sun and we both lay down next to each other, with the sun’s rays shining down on us. Due to all of the trees around us, everywhere but this spot was shaded, and part of me was thinking that God had something to do with this. He was shining down on the two of us; telling me that this is alright. Maybe he’s given me permission.

Austin rolled onto his side and looked at me, so I did the same to him. For a few minutes we were lost in each other’s eyes. It was magical. I was taking advantage of this moment by taking in his soft facial features. His eyes were so blue; it was unreal.

As we continued staring, I got slightly carried away in the moment and leaned in closer to him. I was being slow, but he wasn't stopping me. He didn't even flinch.

Just kiss him!

I did.

For a few seconds our lips connected. I closed my eyes and pressed mine against his. It was...Wow.

Suddenly I felt hands roughly pushing against my chest.

I pulled away instantly.

Oh my God.

What have I done?

He stared at me wide eyed with a shocked look on his face.

“Y-you...What?! No!”

“I'm...I’m sorry...”

“You kissed me!” he shouted, sitting up straight.

“I know. I'm so so sorry. Austin!” I called after him as he tried to walk away.

I ran after him, grabbing hold of his arm.

“Let go of me!” he yelled. “You know what Alex? You’re...You’re worse than the devil.”

That really stung. Does he really think that? I should’ve let him go then. I should’ve just moved on, but I couldn’t.

“I'm sorry,” I said once more.

“Alex! LET GO!” he panted. “I know I shouldn’t have come. Justin told me you were gay and... Why am I here? Why am I with you?!”

I looked into his eyes and he slowly started to calm down.

“Something must’ve made you want to be here,” I whispered.

“NO Just shut up!”

“It’s okay to be different,” I told him softly. “Seriously, it doesn't matter. If you like me it’s okay. Please.”

“Like you?” he laughed. “What would people think? What would God think?”

“Not everything in the Bible’s against us, Austin. God doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t hate me. Trust me.”

“I’ve...I’ve got to go,” he stuttered, looking really shaken up as he pulled his arm out of my grip.

He needs to stop worrying about everyone else. It doesn't matter what others think. God loves all of us. He doesn't care if I'm gay. He made me this way.

Austin needs to understand this: Character is what you are; reputation is what people think you are.