Screaming on the Inside

I came home from a long night of recording with my band, tired as hell. I knew that the second I walked through the door, I'd actually be in hell.
I'd been married to Samantha for 4 years now, and things weren't going as well as they used to. Coming home was always my favorite part of the day because I knew I'd get to see her, now it's my least favorite because I have to see her. I caught her cheating on me a few months before, and since then we haven't been the same. We were constantly fighting, and there was sure no affection. Our marriage went to shit and we both knew it, yet neither of us filed for divorce. I never knew about her, but I still loved her. I married her for a reason, and that reason never went away. My love for her was too strong to give everything up because she got lonely one night, but I would never know if she felt the same.
I walked through the door with zero hopes of finding her standing at the door with that adorable smile on her face, like she used to. And of course, she wasn't.
I made my way to the kitchen to grab something to eat, when she stopped me dead in my tracks. "You're an hour late." She said sternly, as if I had a set time I was usually home.
"Mammfa, you know I'm never home at a certain time.." I said, calling her by the pet name I gave her back when we were dating. She used to smile and get all blushy when I called her that, she loved it. But I guess that feeling went away.
"You said 11, Nick. It's midnight." She seemed really mad.
"I know, but you know how band shit works. It's all kind of random, you can never actually guess what time you'll be home." I stated, trying to defend myself. I knew it wouldn't work. We would end up fighting, like every other night.
"What were you doing that kept you an hour late?" She kept her cool, calm voice, but you could tell her temper was rising.
"Mammfa, we were recording. I told you what we were doing today." I gently held her arms, hoping she'd see that I didn't want to fight, that I still loved her, that there was a chance that we could be the way we used to be.
"Ugh!" She yelled out in frustration. "Don't call me that Nick! And get off." She pushed my hands off of her and kept talking, gradually getting louder, turning her monotone into a yell. "You always fucking do this to me! You're never home, we always fight, and I'm sure you've been cheating!!" She accused.
"Cheating? Seriously Samantha? You know damn well I would never cheat on you! I'm pretty sure your guilty conscience is the only thing telling you otherwise!" I started getting mad, I couldn't believe she would accuse me of something she did herself. What have we come to?
"Or maybe Carrie and Liza!" She yelled. Carried and Liza were Samantha's friends who would say anything to get me in trouble with her. They never had a problem with me until we got married, after that they did everything they could to break us up, including hooking her up with multiple other men. They got what they wanted.
"Carrie and Liza are lying to you, like they have been for the last four years!" I threw my hands up in frustration. There was no winning with her.
"Yeah! Okay! My friends are just going t o come up to me and lie to my face, saying my husband is cheating on me." She said sarcastically. "Don't you think I have a right to be suspicious? My friends are telling me all of this, then you come home late! What am I supposed to think Nick?"
"You're supposed to trust your husband when he tells you he isn't cheating on you! You're supposed to know that I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you! And you're supposed to love me back! Not cheat, then accuse me of doing it!" All I could do at this point was raise my voice, which was very uncommon. I didn't raise my voice at anyone, ever. I didn't like yelling at people. I was just insanely frustrated, I loved Samantha so much, and I know she used to love me too, and now it's gone and she doesn't love me. I'd never get her back, and there was nothing I could do.
She got quiet and very stern. "Well. I do not trust you and I won't. You could be out screwing as many girls as Johnny claims to be for all I know."
I quieted down too, anger growing inside me rapidly. "But I'm not, and have never given you a reason to think so. And leave Johnny out of this, he has nothing to do with you and me." Johnny was my guitarist and best friend, he was just horny all the time, or so he claimed. He was the type who never got tired of sex jokes, and one who was too clever for his own good.
"Well how would I know that? You're always on fucking tour!!!" She yelled the last part.
"Fine!" I said, giving up. "Think what you want! Just know that none of the shit you're 'friends' are slinging around, isn't true. They've wanted us apart since we got married! You should know that!" I paused, quieting down again. "Samantha.. Will you tell me something?"
"What?" She asked, seeming completely insulted that I would ask her that.
"Why did you cheat on me? Don't you care about our relationship?" I was getting upset at this point. I wasn't sure what I'd do if she said she didn't.
"Nick, this is stupid. I'm going to bed." She said, and stormed off to our bedroom, tossing out a pillow and blanket. Looks like I was damned to the couch once more.