Screaming on the Inside

I could feel myself waking up, but I didn't want to open my eyes. In all honesty, I was afraid I would still be on the bathroom floor alone.
When I did, finally, open my eyes, a bright white light was blinding. I brought my arm up to my face to block the light until my eyes could adjust to it.
"He's aliiiive!!!" I heard Johnny say, knowing his arms were probably held out as if he were staked to a cross.
"Johnny! You can't say that! He tried to kill himself!" Lloyd defended, probably pushing Johnny so he'd sit down. His efforts at trying to be sensitive towards me were funny because they failed miserably.
"Guys! Shhhh! The nurse said to be quiet." I was sure Dan was giving Johnny and Lloyd death glares. Yeah. I knew my friends way too well.
I felt someone grasping my hand, I knew it had to be Marley. No one else made me feel as cared about as she could with a simple touch.
I opened my eyes and focused in on Johnny's obnoxious smile. "So are you, or are you not, offended when I say 'he's aliiiiive!!'" Johnny asked. He may have acted kind of stupid sometimes, but he sure did know how to lighten the mood.
"Ugh.. Shut up Johnny.." I said, groggily. I felt the rush of a splitting headache hit me like a ton of bricks. Ouch. I looked over at Marley, who hadn't really moved or made a sound. "Hey."
"Are you okay?" She asked, probably referring to my emotional state.
"Yeah. I'm alright." I said, squeezing her hand. I felt terrible that I put her through this. At the time, I didn't even know what I was thinking.
"So what happened dude?" Lloyd asked. I knew they'd ask sooner or later, so I decided to just lay everything out and tell them.
"I remember taking the antidepressants that my doctor prescribed." I started. I realized that Marley didn't know about any of that, so I explained it to her. "I've been taking antidepressants for about a year, but when things started getting really bad with Samantha, they stopped working. My doctor gave me a different medication, that I'd never taken before, and told me to take more then I was supposed to because of the level of anxiety and depression. I guess he didn't realize that upping the dose on something I hadn't taken before was probably a bad idea.
I took the pills then went into the bathroom to take a shower, but when I was finished, I felt different. I was getting upset over the stupidest things. I went to my room and saw a picture of Samantha and I, back in high school. Yeah, it would normally make me sad, but I got 10x more upset about it then normal. At this point, I didn't expect anything was wrong with me. I just thought I was being dramatic.
"Through the next few minutes, I realized that something was actually wrong with me, because of the things I got upset over. I picked up a bill that I was supposed to pay last month, but haven't yet, and I started fucking crying because I don't have the money to pay it. My stress level went sky high and I felt like the whole world was crashing down on me, and no one was there to catch me when I fell." I knew Marley was upset about that, but it was true. That was how I felt, but it was because of the pills. I knew she'd understand that.
"I started thinking about how terrible of a person I was, and how I'd screwed up my marriage, and even at what a failure I was. I thought I went through life not giving back to anyone, and being a selfish idiot. I felt stupid and ashamed of everything I did, and I wanted it all to stop. I wanted the pain to go away, and I wanted out. That very minute.
"I went back to the bathroom and desperately looked around for something sharp, anything sharp, until I found a razor blade in a drawer. I wanted to cut my throat for then anything, but even drugged up, I knew it was a bad idea, so I guess I just hacked away at my hips." I tried to keep the story light and have it not sound so bad, but that was hard to do.
"I don't remember anything after I started cutting my hips." I looked at Marley to see what her reaction was, and it wasn't great. She looked scared beyond belief and it was my fault. Awesome.. I hope you caught the sarcasm.
"So maybe you should stop taking those pills then, huh?" Johnny said, as if it weren't obvious. I glared at him and he quickly changed the subject. "Where's that hot nurse?" He asked, looking outside of the door.
"Dude, she's got to be, like, 30. Drop it man." Lloyd said, but Johnny didn't seem to care.
He came over to my bed a pressed the nurse call button, and a voice came in shorty after.
"How can I help you?" The nurse asked sweetly.
"Hey! Uh, my friend just woke up, I think he's got some memory loss, could we get a nurse in here pronto? We'd prefer the nurse he had earlier today." He lied. What a con artist..
"Okay sir. We'll send help right away." She answered, and the little green light when red, indication she'd ended the call.
"Memory loss?" I asked, as if he were dumb.
"It was all I could think of." He admitted. "Now act like you don't know any of us, Lloyd, you start crying, Dan, you go hug Lloyd, and Marley, would it kill you to make your make up run just a tiny bit?" He ordered.
"And how is all of this going to help you hook up with a nurse?" I asked. I was getting annoyed, his loud voice was giving me an even bigger headache then I already had, and I couldn't take him anywhere without him trying to hook up with a girl.
"It just is! If I'm crying all by myself she's going to comfort me, then I'm going to be all 'I"m so sad!' and she's going to feel bad and take me home, where I complete my mission and head on home." In all honesty, I thought he had this way too planned out. None of us even started to move into the positions he told us to be in when the nurse came in. "I'm so relieved you're here!" Johnny exclaimed. What a ham..
"So sir, do remember your name?" She asked. I already knew this drill, Dan watched way too much TV for me to not know what she was going to ask, and being annoyed already didn't help this situation.
"Yes. There's no memory loss. I'm fine." I said.
"Sir, could you just please tell me your name.." I'd had it with this nurse already.
"Damn! Alright, My name is Nick Matthews, my birthday in July 28th, I sing for a living, I live in a house about 20 miles from here, I know every person in this room by name, I'm tired, annoyed, and I need something for a fucking headache." I accidentally went off on her a little, but I couldn't help it. The anger inside of me just continually grew and the only person that hadn't made me mad yet was Marley. Bless her soul.
"Nick, calm down." Marley said, softly while pushing the hair from my face away. She was so patient, I really did admire her tolerance. And she seemed to understand that I was annoyed about everything because I felt like shit, while everyone else there just thought I was being irrational.
"Well, then why was I called in here? You seem perfectly fine, mentally, for the most part." I knew she was referring to the fact that I was there because I tried to kill myself. I guess she hadn't gotten the whole story and still thought I was just a lunatic.
"Our friend just wanted to see you." Dan admitted.
"Uhm, okay?" She was a little confused, she must have been new to the job.
"I actually have a medical question, could you talk with me outside of the room please?" Johnny asked. I wanted to punch him so bad. He was seriously trying to hook up with a nurse while his friend was in a hospital bed. I should've expected it.
Johnny took the nurse out and shut the door behind him, and Marley squeezed my hand to get my attention. "Hm?" I asked.
"I'm going to get food, are you hungry? I can ask the nurse if you're able to eat." Her kind nature was something I found myself attracted to, to me, it made her 10x more beautiful.
I just nodded as she smiled and quietly walked out of the room.
I went to move the hand that she was holding up to move my hair, only then did I realize I had an IV in. It stung when I moved it, so I put it right back down where it was.
"Careful man." Dan said, laughing a little. I just nodded, but Dan continued talking. "Do you have a thing for Miss Marley?" He asked.
"What? No! ..Of course not.. I.. can't.." I said, slower and slower with each passing word. I never really thought about it, or caught myself thinking about it at least. Did I really like Marley like that? Well, of course I did. I wouldn't act the way I acted if I didn't. But I knew Dan was going to go somewhere more serious with this.
"You don't sound so sure." Lloyd intruded.
"I'm not." I admitted.
"Well do you think she likes you like that?" Dan asked.
"Uhm, maybe. But hell, for all I know she could being doing all of this because she's a nice person." I didn't really think that, but I was not willing to set myself up for a heartbreak, not so soon at least.
"Well I think she does." Dan said, I felt like he knew something I didn't.
"Well I think you're full of it." I defended, hoping I could get him to tell me what he knew.
"Well I just know a bit more the you son." I could've smacked him for being so confident, but I put it aside and kept talking.
"Prove it." I said, he knew what I wanted.
"Nope. You'll have to ask her yourself." He said, and like clockwork, Marley came back into the room.