Screaming on the Inside

Working that day wasn't the funnest thing ever, or the busiest at that. It started raining again, making most people stay at home. Me and Carly spent most of the day sitting in a booth and talking while eating. Healthy? Probably not. But we sure weren't cooking when we got home.
"So how's the thing with you and Nick going?" She asked at random.
"It's okay I guess. I don't know." I admitted.
"Well what's wrong?"
"Nothing really. It's just.. I want more then what we are, ya know? I want an actual relationship with him." I frowned.
"Well no offense, but what's wrong with what you have? I mean, you guys can cuddle and kiss all you want and you aren't even tied down. Wouldn't most people love that?" I understood what she meant, but I knew she didn't get what I was talking about so I put it into terms where she would.
"It's like you and Jacky living in the same house, doing whatever you wanted with each other, but not being able to call him yours."
"Oh, I see. So it's like one of those cheesy love stories. You guys want to be together, but can't."
"No.. If we wanted to be together we could be. I just don't think he's ready for an actual relationship."
"Well he'll get over that eventually." She said, as if it weren't a big deal.
"And if he finds some other girl he likes by then?" I asked.
"Well. Then you two aren't supposed to be together, right?" I hated it when she made a valid point.
"I guess." I said, sadly. I didn't want that to be the outcome.
"Alright ladies, looks like no one else is coming in today. I saw we close down." Our boss suggested.
"Sounds good to me!" Carly jumped up from her seat and started heading outside. "Coming?" She asked, when I didn't follow her.
"No. I want to walk, I need to think."
"It's raining." Carly said, as if I were dumb.
"Yeah, I know. I'm sure I can find an umbrella." I said, looking to our boss. I knew she had one.
"Yeah you can borrow mine." She said, pointing to the umbrella near the door.
We all parted ways and I started my walk home under the huge umbrella without a jacket. What a bad day to not bring one.
I started thinking about everything that was going on, my dad's illness, the thing that's going on between Nick and me, having to worry about Carly going to work, paying bills.. It just seemed like it never ends.
I eventually managed to get home, dryer then I thought I'd be, and realized Carly's car wasn't there, nor was Jacky's. Just Nick's.
I walked into the house to find it dimly lighted and calm. Most of the light there was from outside, other then that the one light that was on was the kitchen light on it's dimmest setting. I hadn't used that before.
I could hear the rain coming down pretty hard, but not much of anything else. "Nick?" I called out, wondering if he was even there.
"Hey." He smiled, walking up to me from the kitchen and taking my hands.
"Uh, hi." I was a little disoriented as to what was going on.
"You're off early. How was your day?" He asked sweetly, leading me into the kitchen. The way he was acting made me feel like we were in a movie where you see that happily married couple acting perfect to each other. I was unsure of my feelings on this.
"It was good." I smiled. "No one was coming in so we got to come home. Where's Carly?"
"Oh, she and Jacky decided to go out." He sat me down in a kitchen chair and set a plate of spaghetti in front of me. I was pretty shocked at the presentation, and the fact that he cooked for me. I hadn't had a home cooked meal since I moved out of my dad's house.
"You made me spaghetti?" I said in a happy tone.
"Yeah."
"Why?" Carly never made food, nor did I for that matter. And even though we were munching on fries all day, I was still hungry for real food.
"I don't know. I was bored, figured you'd be hungry, thought it'd be a nice thing to do." He smiled, but had no plate in front of him like always.
"Do you ever eat?" I teased.
"Of course! As a matter of fact, I ate while making your food."
"Oh really?" I said sarcastically.
"Yeah, actually."
"And what was that?"
"Candy of course." His childlike smile and giggle mixture was adorable.
"What?" I laughed. What a weird dinner.
"Yeah. Jacky bought sour patch kids and he gave them to me because he bought the normal ones instead of the watermelon." Again, childlike actions. Adorable.
AFter a while I finished up eating and Nick shoved me to my room so I could change into my warm, comfy pj's.
I came back out and Nick had a movie started and was waiting for me on the couch with popcorn and a blanket to share. I smiled, but secretly wished I could call this a "night in with the boyfriend".
"What movie?" I asked as he lifted the blanket for me to slide in.
"Watch." He said, quietly. I sat down and we automatically came close enough to cuddle. He put his arm around me and I lay my head on him, and easily set my arm over his stomach.
We sat like that through the whole movie, yet somehow we got closer then we started with. Nick turned off the TV when the credits started to roll and sat silently with me for a moment, just listening to the coarse sound of rain hitting the windows.
"I want to talk to you about something." He said, seriously. My heart seemed to sink into my stomach and I was at a loss for words already. I didn't want this to be one of those "I can never see you again ' kind of talks. I also really didn't want this to be a "we can't keep doing this. Let's stop acting this way toward each other" Kind of thing. I was hoping it would go in the opposite direction, but didn't have much hope for it.
"Okay.." I said, letting him talk about whatever it was he was wanting to tell me.