Screaming on the Inside

I woke up in the morning, alone, with the sun shining bright through the window, making my squint and rub my eyes. I'd gotten an angry voicemail from Carly saying that I needed to leave, so I decided I'd eat some toast then go home. But I wasn't sure why she didn't want me there, it wasn't like we forced her to not come home. I just asked Jacky to take her out one night and she ended up staying with him twice.
Before I left, I thought about gathering the clothes I had left out of the suitcase Lloyd brought me, but decided to leave them. I was sure I'd be back soon enough and Marley probably wouldn't mind either.
I left her note, on the front door that read; "Went home. Carly probably wants me to leave by now. I'll be back whenever you want me. Call me when you get this babe. ;) ~Nick" I signed my name with a little black heart and taped it to the door.
When I started up my car, the stereo started playing A Million Kisses by Romance On A Rocketship. I wasn't sure why I knew the song, but apparently I did.
"I got a million dollars baby
tell me what you want to do
I can take you far away from here
I can take you to the moon
You might get sold out
Take you home
And lay a million kisses on you"
I started quietly singing along to the slow, yet slightly upbeat, melody. Even though this song was written long before I met Marley, it seemed to flow with us easily.
"I'll buy you a big 'ol diamond ring
and every star up in the sky
but when your stars don't shine
I'll give you mine
and lay a million kisses on you"
The girl part came in, which I usually don't sing, but I sang it anyway. I wasn't sure why I was singing this at all, but I couldn't help but think of us.
"you don't need a dollar baby to make my heart sing
you don't have to buy me stars or fancy cars but I'll be glad to wear your ring
take out that ring and put it on I'll lay a million kisses on you"
I imagined Marley singing this, which made me smile to myself. I wanted to hear her sing for me, I was sure her voice was pretty.
I kept singing the melody, getting happier each moment. I couldn't stop the smile from creeping onto my face, but I didn't care. Who would know?
"if you say I do I'll marry you
and lay a million kisses on you"
I wondered what Marley would think if I sang this to her.
"I'll say I do to marry you
and lay a million kisses on you"
After a while, I finally got home. The house was pretty much empty, and I wasn't even sure why I was still trying to live there. I didn't have the money for it and why did I need an actual house when I'm by myself? I also had a lot of good and bad memories with Samantha in that house, and I really just wanted to put it all behind me. Even the things I used to say I'd never forget. I looked through the mail I'd gotten on my way into the house, and found that the divorce was finally done with. It was easy because I let her have everything she wanted, she didn't want the house, I didn't have money for her to take, and we didn't have kids. It didn't take half as long as a usual divorce would. All I had to do was sign the papers and take them to the court house. And I did. Without hesitation. I couldn't wait to see the look on Marley's face when I told her that once I got a call stating that it's done, everything would be final and Samantha would forever be out of my life.
I decided to go hang out with Lloyd, Johnny, and Dan, seeing as I had nothing better to do. We were all at Lloyd's place and sitting in the living room, just smoking and talking. Normal guy stuff.
"How's the whole 'Marley' thing?" Johnny asked. All 3 of them looked at me for an answer.
"Amazing. Once I get a call, Samantha's gone forever and I can be with Marley all I want without feeling bad. I mean, we just started dating for god's sakes and I'm already putting her through divorce drama. I'm glad it's over with." I explained.
Lloyd nodded in approval. "It's about time time man. Sammy was a skank. Glad you got rid of that bitch. I swear I could smell her from 10 feet away!" Everyone in the room laughed. Whore jokes wasn't something I usually laughed at, but I was in such an amazing mood that you could probably get me to laugh or smile about anything.
"Well, enough drama! Let's play video games!!" Dan yelled out. He never liked serious situations.
We all sat around and ate pizza while playing video games for a sold 2 hours before getting off of our lazy asses to go finally finish recording.
When we got to the studio, we were all amped to be playing again.We hadn't played together almost at all. W had a mini jam session then started laying down track after track, completely dominating. We finished our record that night, everyone pleased and incredibly happy.
When we got back to Lloyd's place, we picked up the video games again and rocked the hell out of those too. Until I got a call, that is.
"PAUSE!" I yelled out as I paused our game. They all groaned and complained, asking why. "Helloooo?" I answered.
"Hey there!" I heard Marley's sweet voice on the other line. I missed her already. What was wrong with me?!
"Hey babe." I smiled, happy to hear from her.
"Dude, did you seriously just ditch us?!" Johnny yelled out, making the other 2 start yelling as well. It was a little funny, they weren't actually mad, but I was sure they weren't used to me having other priorities.
"Play without me! I'll be in in a minute." I called to them, grabbing my hoodie and going outside to sit on the porch.
"You're with the boys?" She asked, probably hearing them yell.
"Yeah. I got bored at home. Plus we were recording today anyway."
"That's awesome!" She sounded genuinely happy, much better of a response then I got from Samantha (If you remember..)
"Yeah. We're done. We all thought it'd take way longer, but I guess not. We totally finished." I said excitedly.
"No way! I can't wait to hear it!" She sounded just as happy as I was.
"You'll also be happy about something else I found out today." I teased.
"What's that?"
"I can't tell you yet. I have to tell you in person, to see the look on your face." I mused.
"What?! That's cheating! You tease!" She laughed, probably a little flustered that I wouldn't tell her.
"That's right." I laughed.
We both grew silent for a moment, until she started talking again. "Hmm. I wish you were here." She sounded sad.
"Aww. Honey, I'm sorry. I know. I want to be there." I was hoping she wouldn't beg me to come over, like I knew she would. Carly obviously didn't want me there, and I didn't want to piss her off.
"Come over." She stated, more then asked.
"I can't." I hated telling her no, but I didn't have much of a choice.
"Why not?" She asked, sadly. I was sure she expected me to give in to her. I expected me to give in to her.
"Because. Carly's all pissed off at me. I really don't want her even more mad." I explained, realizing then that I maybe shouldn't have.
"Carly? What did Carly say?" Apparently she had no clue.
"She left me a voicemail this morning. She was really pissed and told me that I needed to go home because I wasn't paying rent and all that jazz." I tried not to make it sound like a big deal.
"What? Why would she say that to you?" She sounded mad and concerned at the same time.
"She's right though. I have a house, I should be staying here, right?" I tried to reason, as to not cause a fight.
"Well, I mean, yeah, but.." She paused, looking for words. "That's not the point. She knows I always feel like a third wheel when she brings Jacky home. I don't see why she'd feel the need to kick you out. She can't do that. If Jacky can come over so can you. I pay rent here too." She ranted a little, but not yet raising her voice.
"It's okay though. Don't worry about it. I'm sure I'll come up with some bullshit reason to see you at work tomorrow." I half smiled, knowing she was doing the same.
I could tell the moment her smile went away by the stress in her voice. "But Nick, that's not the point here. I know what you're doing. You're just trying to keep me from getting angry, aren't you?" Did she know me or what?
"Well.. Is it working?" I tried to kid around, knowing she'd laugh.
"Nick!" She playfully yelled at me.
"Hey! That's not an answer to my question!" I defended.
Her voice calmed down and she sounded like she laid down, probably on her bed. "Nick, just hearing your voice makes it impossible for me to be angry." She let out a sigh.
My heart slightly melted at that. "Aww." I cooed, and heard her giggle a little. "I want to see you." I whined, realizing a bit too late that that would just make her want to be angry with Carly more.
"Do it. Come here and lay with me. Please?" She almost begging. She really did know how to break my heart. How could I say no? I had to.
"I caaan't. I don't want to cause I fight between you and Carly." I left the porch and made my way down the sidewalk, aimlessly walking, not really knowing where I was going.
"I don't care. There's going to be a fight anyway if this keeps happening." She pouted.
"Why does it upset you so much?" I asked, knowing there was another reason, other then not being able to see me.
"Well.. It's just not fair. Jacky is always here. Always. He doesn't pay rent. I never complain, even though she knew it bothered me. And I just feel like she's going to ruin this for me.. Again."
"Ruin what?" I wasn't sure where she was going with this, but I was eager to find out.
"You and me. I mean, she's done it before, not with us obviously, but with other people. There's a reason I never date. It's because she always drives them away.. Or steals them." She said, sadly.
"What happened?" I knew there was some sort of story, and I had a feeling that I was about to get jealous. My jealousy got the better of me often, but I trusted Marley enough to not make a big deal out of what she was to tell me.
"Promise you won't get mad or anything? I mean, it's in the past now and I don't care anymore, it's just the moral."
"Of course I won't be mad. Tell me." I assured her.
"Well, a long time ago, we met Jacky. We were all really good friends, and I just so happen to have a crush on Jacky. It's not like I was in love with him or anything, I just liked him. Anyway, I told Carly how I felt, hoping she'd help me, and she ended up making me promise her that I wouldn't date him because then she'd feel left out. So I never said anything to him. So not even a week later, I find out through Jacky that Carly told that she's liked him for a long time and really wanted to be with him. So he gave her a chance. They've been dating ever since. I know I shouldn't hold a grudge, especially because I feel as if Jacky is more of a brother now, but still. She asked him out because I liked him, and since then she drove away any guy I ever said I liked, not that there really were any. And now she's doing it to you. It's subtle now, but it'll get worse. I know it." She seemed really sad to be saying this, and I felt really bad for her. Why would Carly do that? I thought they were best friends.
"That's terrible. She shouldn't do that to you. By rights, you should be with him, not saying I want you to be of course, but you know what I mean. She shouldn't have been a shitty friend." I was really getting mad at Carly.
"I know what you mean, and I think you're right. By rights, I should be with him. I mean, I'm glad I'm not. If I knew back then that I'd get to have you, I wouldn't have wasted my time on anyone else, but it's the moral of it. You can't do that. And I don't know why she doesn't want me to be with anyone. What does it matter to her?" She seemed like she was about to rant again, so I didn't want to fuel the fire.
"Well, maybe she's just jealous of you. In all honesty, I think she doesn't want to see you happier then her. I don't think she actually wants to be with Jacky, but she still is just so she can be the happy one. If she dumps Jacky, you still have me, and she turns into the third whee; like you have been your whole life, no offense." I added. I knew she wasn't going to take offense, but I had to be considerate.
"You know, I never thought of it that way. Maybe you're right." She admitted. "But you have to make me a promise."
"What's that?" I asked.
"Promise me that you won't leave me because of anything Carly does. Promise you won't let her ruin us, okay?" She sounded desperate, and worried. I couldn't blame her though.
"Of course I promise. The only thing that's going to get me to leave you, is you telling me, face to face, that you don't want me anymore. I swear. As long as you want me, I'll be here." I promised.
"I really miss you already." She stated, changing the subject. She seemed relieved after i made the promise though.
"I know. I miss you too. What are you doing right now?" I asked, just out of plain curiosity.
"Laying on my bed. Trying to ignore the annoying sex noises." She admitted. "What are you doing?"
"Walking." I simply said.
"Where to? Are you wearing a hoodie or something? It's kind of cold out." I liked the way she continually cared about my well-being.
"I don't know. I'm just walking. I'll probably end up at a gas station for cigarettes and soda. And yes, I'm wearing a hoodie."
"Good. I really don't want you sick."
"Well, I'll do my best." I smiled, knowing she couldn't see me, but I was sure she knew by my tone of voice.
"You know, I heard a song that reminded me of you at work today." She said, I could hear the fabrics of her bed moving as she moved.
"Ha. That's ironic. I heard a song that reminded me of you in the car today. What was yours?" I asked.
"It was A Million Kisses" I cut her off, sort of shocked it was the same song I heard.
"By Romance On A Rocketship?" I asked.
She laughed a little. "Uhm, yeah. How'd you know?"
"It's weird. I don't even know why I know it, but it's the same song I heard."
"Wow! Really?" She seemed to be getting her mind off of her problems. "I was singing it in the cafe."
"I was singing in the car. That's crazy. We should sing together some time. I don't know why we haven't yet." I was probably too happy about this.
"I'm not that great a singer." She admitted shyly.
"I can't contradict you, I've never heard you, but I don't care. I still want to." I almost begged.
"Alright then." I could tell she was smiling.
"Can you do something for me?" I sparked an idea.
"Yeah, of course. What?" I liked how willing she was before she even knew what I wanted.
"Walk to the park, okay? The one that's like, a mile from your house." I had already started running back to Lloyd's so I could grab a guitar.
"The park? Why?" She asked, but I could hear her moving around, probably putting a coat on.
"Please? Don't ask for details yet, but go, okay? Promise me you'll be there?" I knew my voiced sounded strained, but I really wanted this.
"Yeah. I'll be there." She agreed.
"Okay. Text me when you get there so I know you're safe, alright?"
"I will."
"Okay, I have to go now, but I'll see you as soon as I can, alright?"
"Yeah. See you." She sounded sad to hang up, but hang up we did.
I ran into the house, where no on had moved or noticed I'd come in, grabbed Johnny's acoustic and half ran all the way to the park, hoping I wouldn't absolutely kill myself like I did the first time I ran to Marley's house.