Screaming on the Inside

I didn't really remember how I woke up, but I found myself in the kitchen at about 10 AM. I was sitting at the table and checking my phone when I read Marley's text. I was sure I didn't snore.. Did I? Great. something else to be embarrassed about.. Unless she wasn't kidding when she said it was cute.. It was too early in the morning to even be alive. I had to stop over thinking things. I did that a lot when I was tired.
I looked at myself in a mirror that was hanging in the kitchen and realized that I looked terrible. A shower was next on my list of "to do's."
I grabbed a towel from Lloyd's dryer and headed off to the bathroom. I quickly turned on the shower and striped my clothes, hating the initial shock of the water that you always get. The hardest part was over.
I hadn't brought any shower stuff, so I used Lloyd's shampoo and conditioner. Axe. I knew the stuff was probably expensive and couldn't imagine buying it myself, but I liked the way it smelled and kind of wanted to go get some. I used the matching body wash as well, knowing I damn well needed it.
I spent half the time in the shower just letting the water run down my body, relaxing. I rarely got time to just do absolutely nothing. My mind was, temporarily, clear of stress and worries and it seemed almost therapeutic to do this. I decided after about 20 minutes that I was done, and forced myself to turn off the water.
My body slightly shook from the automatic cold that hit me, so I wrapped the warm towel around my waist and made my way back to the spare room, water still dripping from my hair and pretty much everywhere else.
I borrowed a pair of Johnny's pants he had on the floor that he'd recently made, after drying off of course. They were black with fishnet cut into them, mostly in the thighs. "Oh boy." I thought, knowing I should have done laundry.
I slipped on a Marilyn Manson t-shirt and started drying my hair. The warm air felt good in contradiction to my, still, cold body.
I straightened my hair, after it was dry, and headed out of the house, slipping on my shoes and a zip up hoodie. I got all the way to my car before I realized I didn't have my phone, so I had to go all the way back in to go get it. I also decided to leave a note, telling the guys where I went and that I took Johnny's pants. I laughed at how stupid it sounded, but left it there anyway and went back to my car.
I started driving down the street, blasting music. I chose to listen to, of course, Marilyn Manon's "Mechanical Animals" CD. It was my favorite one, other then "Antichrist Superstar."
I pulled into the infamous cafe that I'd found myself to be many times before, turning down the music and taking the keys out of the ignition.
I walked into the cafe and sat at my usual table. Marley quickly realized I was there and came straight over with a smile on her face.
"Hey there." She said happily, planting a kiss on the side of my mouth.
"Hey babe." I smiled. I pulled her face down to my level so I could actually kiss her lips. "You missed." I winked.
Her smile grew and she started talking again. "What can I get you? Coffee?" She assumed.
"Yeah, that actually sounds awesome." I liked how she just knew.
"Okay. I'll be back in a few." She left, not having to write anything down. I was happy to see her, but still stressed over things that weren't technically my problems. I was stressed for her, you could say. I was worried about her situation with Carly, I was concerned about her trying to pay her next bill on a simple waitress' check, and I was overall just hoping that things would hurry up and turn around for her, especially now that her dad could go any day.
Before I was really even done thinking about everything, Marley was already back with 2 cups of coffee and sat in front of me, giving me mine. "Thanks." I smiled.
"No problem. So what brings you here, especially so early in the morning? Aren't you supposed to be asleep for the next 3 hours?" She teased.
"Yeah!" I half complained, playing along. "Actually," I said, going back to being serious. "I woke up really early for, like, no reason at all and decided to come see my favorite person on the planet." I could practically see her heart melt. I knew damn well she loved it when I said things like that. Yeah, I did it because she liked it, but I also meant them, which is something most men lack. Honesty.
"Aw." She half cooed. "Do you always know how to make a bad day good?" She smiled.
"You're having a bad day?" A frown came across my face as I disregarded her mini compliment.
"Yeah. This morning sucked." She rested her head on her hand and took a sip of her coffee.
"What happened?" I pressed, knowing she'd probably want to talk about it.
"Carly happened." She rolled her eyes. "She's all mad at me because Jacky dumped her and she got even more mad when I told her to find her own ride to work. I mean, why would I drive her here when she's just going to either yell at me the whole way here or give me the awkward silent treatment? I don't owe her anything, it's not my fault she was lying to her boyfriend. She's not realizing that this is a natural consequence. If you lie to someone, you're going to get busted. End of story. I mean, yeah, it was my fault he found out, but I was just trying to be a good friend to Jacky." She paused. "Do you think I should have not said anything? Do you think it was a bad idea for me to step in and tell him?"
I knew how bad she felt. I could see that she felt bad about everything and took responsibility for it, even though it wasn't her fault. She regretted everything she did, when in all reality, what she did was good. "Honey, I know you probably don't feel this way, but I'm sure Jacky appreciates what you did. If I were him, I would have wanted you to tell me too. I think he sees it as you saving him from wasting his time with someone who didn't care about him." I explained. I wanted to get a way from the subject, seeing as she just looked more confused. I was just hoping if she thought about it, she'd realize that she was right in doing what she did. "Maybe we should save that conversation for another time." I offered.
Her relieved face showed me that it would be good and the subject was dropped, but I was sure she was still thinking about it.
We talked for another 10 minutes, but she had to get back to work. She really couldn't afford to get fired. "I have to get back to work." She said, slowly standing.
"You do. I'll see you soon, okay?" I said, standing in front of her.
She nodded with a little "mhm."
I kissed for forehead and wrapped her up in a hug. She seemed calm, just standing with me, but I had to let her go, so I forced myself away from her, kissing her goodbye then leaving.
That was the last time I got to see Marley, in person, for the next week. Carly screamed at her every time she tried to leave the house, and I wasn't allowed over there. If only Marley didn't care about what Carly thought about me. We wouldn't be going through not getting to see each other. I remember one night in particular, it had been 8 days since the day I went to the cafe. Marley called me at midnight, sounding upset.
"Hello?" I answered, because I was too much of a looser to have a funny greeting like most people.
"Hey." She said. I automatically knew something was wrong.
"What's going on? You sound upset." I said, finding myself feeling sorry for her again.
"Same thing as always. Carly can't get over anything, I haven't been able to see my dad in forever, Jacky doesn't come hang out with me anymore because Carly won't let that happen, and I can't even see you because she's being such a mondo bitch." She said quickly. She had a lot of built up anger, and I wasn't going to be surprised if she, somehow, unintentionally got into a fight with me. I understood she was mad all the time, so I figured if she wanted to let out her anger I should do anything I could to help her. Even if it meant letting her get pissed off at me for something tiny.
"Oh. I'm sorry. Why don't you just go? Just because she yells at you doesn't mean she can keep you from going anywhere." I said, carefully, trying not to make this worse.
"I would. But she has her ways, Nick. She has her ways." This got me curious.
"What do you mean?"
"Last time I tried to leave, I got as far as the door before she punched me in the face. I knew she was upset at me but this is just freaking mental."
I was automatically pissed off. You don't touch Marley. That was my rule. And she broke it. Big time. "She punched you?" I started. "What a bitch! Are you kidding me? Did you punch her back?"
"No. I can't take her. She's strong and I have no experience with fights like that." She seemed sad. She got like that when I was mad. I didn't get mad often, but this just threw me for a loop.
"This is so stupid. She's keeping you in a damn cage like she's your mom or something. Your dad needs you, and she is being too much of a conceited bitch to let you go see him. That's not cool and it really pisses me off." I was talking calmly, but I was mad. I didn't want Marley to feel that I was mad at her for anything, so I kept a watch on what I said.
"I know. I have to see him soon. I don't know how he's doing. All I can do is call. I'm not going to tell him what she's doing, it'll just make him sad. He loves her like a daughter. I can't do that to him." She sounded worried, all I wanted to do was give her a hug.
"I know. Do you want me to go check up on him? Make sure everything's okay?" I offered.
"I would normally say no but I can't decline. Would you please? I would feel so much better. He always tells me he's fine so I don't worry, but I know he lies sometimes." She explained.
"Okay. I will, I promise. Tomorrow." I heard a sigh of relief then a plop, suggesting she sat back on her bed.
"Thank you."
"Of course." I paused. "You know, I'd come get you if Carly wouldn't call the cops on me."
"Yeah, I know you would. That's why I didn't suggest it. I knew it couldn't work."
"You sound tired." I noticed, changing the subject.
"I am. I haven't slept much." She also sounded kind of sick, her voice raspy.
"Why not?" I cooed. I didn't care about sounding like a worried mom, I had to make sure she was okay. I cared about her too much not to.
"I don't know. I just have an incredible amount of things going on. Lots of anxiety." I felt even worse for her. I hated that I felt so bad, but couldn't do anything.
"I'm sorry sweet heart, I wish I could do something." I thought about it for a second. Maybe I could do something. "What time does Carly usually go to sleep?" I asked.
"I don't know, 1?" She guessed.
"Are you going to be awake for the next hour?" I asked.
"Yeah, why? You sound like you have some sort of idea again." She said, referring to the night I took her to the park.
"I do. Stay awake for the next hour. That's all you have to do, okay?"
"Okay." She paused. "Nick?" She kind of asked.
"Yeah?"
"I miss you." She said, sounding like she was close to tears, if not already crying.
My heart broke into a million pieces and I wanted to run to her right then. "I miss you too. So much. I'm sorry.."
"It's not your fault. I just.. I don't know. I know it hasn't been an incredibly long time, but.. I just need you right now. You're, honestly, my last escape form the stress and worry and.. Fear." If a millionth of a heart could break into another million, it happened right then.
"I fell the same. I'm just sorry it has to be this way. But don't worry, I'll see you soon. I promise. I will find a way to make sure this doesn't keep happening."
"Okay." She reminded me of a scared child, dying to see someone she hadn't seen in months.
I'd be with her soon. I had to keep telling myself that to be able to get through the day. It's all I had left. But his time, I knew it was true. I couldn't wait to see her face when I came to her big sliding door to come save her.