Screaming on the Inside

I felt the light tap and cold of rain on my face as I opened my eyes and squinted into the sky. I looked down at my chest where Marley was still sleeping. It was obvious she didn't sleep much, so I let her stay right where she was, and played with her hair until her eyes flitted open.
"It's been far too long since I've been able to wake up next to you." She whispered, still sounding tired.
"I know babe. Hopefully we can be together every morning soon." I said, moving her hair from her face.
"It's raining." She said, in just as soft a whisper as before, not, softer.
"Should we go?" I asked, knowing we should have left before it rained, now she could get sick.
"Do I have to leave you?" She sounded worried, but I couldn't blame her. I was worried too.
"No. Not today don't. You stay with me, I'll take you back when you go to work tomorrow." I knew she wouldn't like that idea, seeing as I'd have to bring her back, but it was all I could give.
"Okay. Let's go." She said, getting up. She stretched out her arms, yawning, then held out her hands for me to take. I took her hands then stood up to kiss her, which made her smile. "I love your kisses." She said, seeming to be in a better mood.
"Yeah?" I said, kissing her again, keeping my face close to hers.
"Yeah." She said, then bit my lip.
I smiled and started leaving little kisses over her lips and neck.
"Hey, we have to go.. The rain.." She trailed off, but the rain got heavier. "Nick.." She almost growled. How cute.
"Hmm?" I managed to mutter.
"This is us leaving?" She giggled.
"Okay, let's go." I smiled, taking her hand a running to the car with her.
We got in the car just as it started to downpour, lucky us. We threw in a random cd, which just so happened to be Baudilaire In Braille cd. We weren't facing any awkward silence, but we weren't speaking either. It was kind of nice, just sitting there not having to do much.
"Hey babe?" Marley spoke up.
"Yees?" I answered.
"When we get back, will you take a shower with me?" She asked. Oddly enough, she didn't seem nervous at all. I knew that was something she'd get nervous about, but she was completely calm. I, on the other hand, was not.
"A shower?" I asked, keeping my voice smooth, but making sure I heard her right.
"Too soon?" She asked, cowering down. There was the nervousness I knew was in her.
"No. I was just making sure you were.. Well sure." I laughed. "Of course I will."
Her scared face turned to a smile, then a blush crossed her cheeks. "Okay. But, n-nothing more then that, okay?" I could tell she was afraid of too much intimacy like that, which I was fine with. Yeah, it was terribly frustrating, but I had to manage. I wasn't going to force her into anything.
"Yeah. Whatever you want." I smiled.
"Promise?" Why was she so scared?
"Of course. I promise." I squeezed her hand, hoping she'd feel better about it. I wasn't sure why she was so scared, it was just me.
We got back to the house and took our time getting to the bathroom. I felt like a scared puppy for no reason at all. I'd taken a shower with a woman before. Why was it such a big deal? Oh yeah, because I really didn't wan to screw this one up because I cared about her too much.
We walked in the bathroom and I shut the door behind us. I didn't want things to be awkward so I tried my best to make this a good experience for her, rather then her not ever wanting to do it again.
I took her hips and pressed her body up against the door, sending her into a fit of giggles. We slowly stripped ourselves, and each other, of our clothes and got in the shower. After that everything was much easier. We didn't have to avoid eye contact to not get awkward and we didn't have to try and cover anything, we were getting comfortable with each other, which was really good. I wanted her to feel safe with me, like she can be in any mood and do anything and know that nothing bad will come of it, because I'll always love her. But wait, I hadn't told her I love her yet. How could she know? Plans! There will be plans..
We eventually got out of the shower, after being all gushy and romantic like I knew she loved, and got dressed in my room. I had her wear my clothes again, probably because I liked the way she looked in them. When we were finally ready to just sit down and relax together, we heard a knocking on the door.
I answered the door to find Jacky standing under the porch with a red umbrella still over his head. "Hey Nick!" He greeted.
"Hey Jacky, what's up?" I asked, wondering what possibly could have brought him to my house.
"Uh, nothing. Is Marley here?" How did he know?
"Uh.. Yeah. How'd you know she was here?" I asked.
"Carly called me complaining about it. I knew if she wasn't with Carly then she'd be with you." He had a point.
"You can come in." I offered.
"No, man, it's cool. Can you just send Marley out? I just need to talk to her for a minute." I was a little suspicious of what he wanted but figured I'd let Marley talk to him anyway.
"Yeah hold on." I said, leaving the door open and walking over to the couch where Marley was laying down, waiting for me. "Hey, hon, Jacky is here. He wants to talk to you outside."
She looked just as suspicious as me. "Okay.." She said, getting up and walking to the door.
"Hey!" I called after her as she turned around.
"What?"
I hung my hoodie over her shoulders. She didn't need to get sick. She smiled at me then kissed my cheek before heading outside.
I really wanted to hear what they were saying, but knew it would be terrible of me. That was an invasion of privacy and I owed them both at least the privacy of a conversation.
I went into the kitchen and made coffee for Marley and me. My phone started ringing on the table. The second I saw the caller ID, I didn't want to answer it,but figured I had to.
"What Samantha?" I asked, already annoyed.
"Nicky, baby, why are you so mad right now? Should I call back later?" The way she talked reminded me of the last years we were happy to be together. She hadn't called me 'Nicky' in a long time. Old feelings came back, wanting to hug her and tell her sorry.
I thought of Marley and how much I cared about her and all of the feelings for Samantha washed away, reminding me of the last months we were together and the hell she put me through. My anger welled back up and I kept talking. "No. Don't call back at all. What do you want?"
"I just wanted to know if you think you would consider giving us a second chance. I think we can work it out this time.. Please don't say no." She seemed sad, but I was sure she was just being a liar, like always.
"Your boy toy finally dump you?" I said, venom leaking form the words.
"No. We broke up. It was mutual." She said, obviously not getting that I was being rude to her.
"Is that why you want me back? Because you don't want to be alone?" I snapped.
"No! Nicky, I miss you. I was married to you for 4 years, you can't blame me for missing you." She tried to reason. I wasn't having it.
"No Samantha. I can blame you. You're the one that cheated.You shouldn't miss me at all."
"Don't you miss me?" If she would have asked any time before i got with Marley, I probably would have said yes. But this was different.
"No, actually, I don't." I spat.
"Why not?" I could tell she was getting mad, but there was no way I was cowering down to her like I used to. I had to stand up for myself, if only this once.
"I'm not in love with you Samantha. I love you, yes, and I always will, but not he way.." I stopped, wondering if I should go on, then decided to. "Not the way I love Marley." I didn't think I would actually admit that out loud, but I did.
"Who is Marley?" There it was. Full on anger. Boy did I know this woman or what?
"She's my girl, okay? That's all you need to know. And you know what? If you hadn't been such a bitch during our marriage, I never would have been mad enough to walk out on you that day and go to the cafe where I met her. So thank you, for making my life better." I said, half genuine half sarcastic. I hung up on her so I wouldn't have to hear it anymore. I thought I was being a little dramatic, but hey, sometimes you have to be. This was one of those times.
Now, to find out what was going on beyond the front door..