Screaming on the Inside

When I got home, Carly was in the kitchen eating chips. I tried to avoid her but she called my name anyway.
"Marley! Where have you been? I was so worried!" She ran over and hugged me.
"Uh, what?" I asked, completely confused by her random kindness.
"I was worried something bad happened to you! Where did you go?" I wanted to test how nice she actually was being, so I told her the truth.
"I was with Nick." I said, as if she were dumb. Where else would I be?
"I"m so glad you're okay!" She got off of me then offered me a chip. I shook my head and kept walking to my room.
"Wait!" She called.
"What?" I said, turning around.
"Want to watch a movie?" What was her deal?
"Uhm, I thought you were pissed at me."
"No! No that was wrong of me to yell at you, I'm sorry. I never should have treated you like that." I couldn't tell if she was being genuine or not, but I wanted to believe she was. I really did.
"Carly, do you realize what you're putting me through? Not letting me see my boyfriend because you're jealous, not letting me go see my dad because you want to punish me or something? Do you know how worried I've been about my dad? He's dying, Carly. You know this. He could go at any time and there's no way I want him to die by himself, okay?" I said everything calmly, but I was getting a little upset that she was trying to act like everything was fine. It wasn't.
"I know, I'm sorry. But I promise, I'll never out you through that again." She smiled. Something about the way she was talking and acting made me not believe her at all, but if she was being honest, there was no way I was passing up the chance to end this fight and be how we used to be.
"Well.. Okay. But this can't happen again. I don't forgive you for what you did, but I will accept your apology." She just nodded and smiled, but there was something behind that smile. She sure as hell wasn't smiling because we were friends again. There was something mischievous and playful behind the smile, and I felt almost, in danger.
We sat on the couch and started watching Peter Pan, like we did when we were young. It was nice to have her as a friend again, but I couldn't help but notice something odd was going on.
Suddenly, I heard a door open, probably the hall closet. I turned around to see what it was but was blinded by an insanely bright flashlight shining straight to my eyes.
I turned around quickly and covered my eyes, trying to reorient myself. I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around my body, holding my arms to my chest so I couldn't fight. I struggled anyway, doing the best I could to get free.
I got pulled over the back of the couch and straddled, and my body slammed onto the floor. A hand covered my eyes so I couldn't see who was doing this to me. "No!! Stop it! Let me go!" I yelled, hoping it was just a sick joke.
I heard a laughing, that sounded familiar, but couldn't figure out whose it was. I managed to shake his hand off of my face, and I looked into the face of whoever was trying to pin me down.
It was Jacky.
I looked into his wild eyes, not yet realizing what he was trying to do. He thrust his hand up my shirt and roughly felt my breasts. I screamed for him to stop but it just made his maniac smile bigger. My arms were held down under his legs and he sat on my thighs, not letting me move or defend myself.
His tongue traveled up my neck and into my mouth. I shook my head to try and make him stop but it didn't work, so I bit his lip. He quickly backed up, wiping off his bleeding mouth, still smiling. "I like it rough." He said maniacally.
"Jacky.. Why?" I said, tears started to roll down my face. I knew what was about to happen. And there was nothing I could do about it.
"You're going to lay here and take whatever I have to give you, kay? And after that, I'm taking you home with me, whether you're awake or not, and we're going to be a fucking happy couple until we leave this damn town together where we'll be on our own and live together until we fucking die." He growled in my ear. I couldn't believe that one of my best friends would do this to me.
My tears came in bigger amounts and I started going into hysterics, my breathing sharp and uneven. My pants were suddenly, violently, ripped down. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see Jacky like this. Whatever came over him was insane. I knew Jacky, and he'd never do this, but maybe I was wrong.
I felt a terrible sharp pain between my legs, I tried as hard as I could to struggle away, but it wasn't happening. Eventually, I gave up hope and just laid there, taking what he had to give me. I was still screaming for him to stop, and going into hysterics, but nothing would make him stop.
By the time he was finished with me, I found it hard to breathe or even think about anything. He picked me up and started walking to his car. I tried to struggle away, but it was no use. I knew that. It didn't take long for me to give up.
He set me down in the passenger seat and buckled me in, and handcuffing me to the door so I couldn't get away. He tied my other hand to the emergency brake, after he slid into the driver's seat, so I wouldn't try to hurt him or take control of the wheel.
I realized how fucked I really was, and then it hit me. I was never going to see Nick again. Just like Jacky wanted. I rested my head on the dashboard, crying, not from the pain I was in or the situation, but because I was never going to see my love again. I suddenly missed his sweet kisses, his soft touch, the way he looked at me when he was about to tell me I was beautiful, and especially his pretty tenor voice.
I also realized that I would never see my dad again, and that he would probably die by himself in his house and no one would know because no one ever went to visit him other then me. I quickly became overwhelmed by what was happening and started screaming at Jacky to let me go.
"Sorry princess. No can do. I've already started this, I can't stop now." He didn't take his eyes off the road.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I whimpered, praying the old Jacky I knew and cared about would come back and fix what he's done.
"Because Marley. I told you. I love you, and if I can't have you, then no one can." He explained.
"But Jacky, that's not fair. Because in you taking me away, I'm forced to let you have me anyway." I almost pleaded.
"That's the point." His emotionless face told me that he either didn't care about what I was saying or he was starting to feel bad about this. I prayed it was the second.
"Please.. We can be friends. We don't have to run away together, and you sure don't have to steal me or rape me. Don't you get it? Taking me away from everyone isn't going to make me love you, it'll just make me hate you more then anything." I tried to convince him but I wasn't sure how well that was working.
"But I've already started this. Can't you see? I can't just not finish Marley. Plus, you can learn to love me. I know you can. You used to love me, I know you did. You can do it again." He seemed desperate to make this work.
"But you don't understand! Yes, I used to love you, but I don't anymore and I won't. Not like that. I'm in love with Nick and you know it. I can't fall in love with you if you're taking me away from someone I that I would die for. And what about my dad? If you go through with this he's going to die by himself, and no one's going to find him for a long time because I"m the only one that visits him. If you won't let me go for me or for Nick, then let me go for my dad. He loves you Jacky. Please don't let him down." I begged. I started to think that it was working.
"Marley, you aren't understanding, I physically can't do that. I can't bring you back to your boyfriend. Not only will my heart break into a thousand little pieces, but you know we wouldn't be friends. Not after I violated you like that. You will never trust me if I let you go and you'll never speak to me again. I'd be damn lucky if you didn't report it to the cops." I understood where he was coming from, and he was right. But I couldn't help but sympathize for him, he was one of my best friends. But that didn't mean I didn't hate him for what he was doing to me.
"I understand, but please, you have to realize that I can't just go. I can't love you anymore. You just.. Raped me. How could I ever forgive you for that? That's not something I ever would have thought you'd do. Never in a million years would I think that you'd rape me. Do you know how heartbreaking that is? Or how violated I am? Or even how disgusting and dirty I feel? Jacky, I feel like I just unwillingly cheated on someone that I'm kind of hopelessly in love with and it kills me. And now I can never see him again to tell him I love him and that I didn't leave him for another man, or that I'm sorry for everything.. Or even goodbye." I started crying again and Jacky seemed to have broken. I saw a glimpse of the Jacky I knew and I knew that he felt terrible for what he did.
"I can't let you go." His voice strained. "I can't go to prison."
"I won't turn you in! I promise! We can be best friends and everything will be okay and forgotten! I swear! You can even hang out with Nick and me and it'll be okay! I'll move out of my apartment and live somewhere else so you don't have to see Carly. I can make it to where everything is okay." I pleaded. I wasn't sure how much of that I could actually go through with, but it seemed to be working.
"Marley.. How can I believe you? How do I know that the second I let you go you won't call the cops?"
"I don't have my phone. It's in my room. Plus, you're just going to have to trust me. I've never betrayed you before, you know that."
"But I just betrayed you. What would stop you from getting your revenge? Or even do it to feel safe, because I know you'll never feel safe around me. And why would I want to hang around you and Nick? How can you expect me to hang out with you when your disgusting boyfriend is going to be hanging all over you and touching you with his dirty hands and sick lips?" What he said about Nick made me furious, but it wasn't the time for anger. It was the time to beg.
"Nick doesn't have to be around. We can just be best friends and Nick doesn't have to be involved. You don't have to see him."
"Will you break up with him?" I knew that if I said yes, he'd probably let me go. But I had to be honest. Lying couldn't make this go away.
"No. I won't. You know that if I said I would I'd be lying to you. And I don't want to lie to you."
His face turned angry, and I could tell that was a very bad thing for me. "Well. Until I know for sure that you don't love him anymore, you can stay with me. And once you genuinely love me, we can come back." He knew I'd never love him like that. He was using this as bait. Bait he didn't need. This only made everything worse. "Now hush. I don't want to hear another word."
I decided that listening to him would be a good idea, seeing as I knew what he was capable of doing to me. So I sat quiet, sniffling and controlling my breath every once in a while.
We drove for at least 3 hours, not talking at all and occasionally listening to the music Jacky liked. We pulled up to a truck stop, apparently he still didn't trust me in a hotel.I was afraid of what was going to happen in the hotel room. Would I get raped again? Would he hit me? Would he let me go? Could I get away? There was only one way to find out.