Screaming on the Inside

As Marley told me what happened, stressed tears came to her eyes and ran down her cheeks. I could tell she was still scared, and seeing her like this made me feel like a failure of a boyfriend. I felt that if I hadn't left her alone, none of this would have happened, and she wouldn't have gotten raped.
She explained to me, in horrific detail, what she went through, and how dirty she felt. I remember her saying how she felt like she was cheating on me, and that was the hardest part. I couldn't believe that she felt that bad when it wasn't even her fault. It was rape, it wasn't like she did it on purpose.
My anger welled up inside of me and I wanted to scream. I wanted to kill Jacky for what he'd done. I wouldn't have been as mad if it were a stranger, seeing as not only did she get hurt and raped, but she also lost someone she thought was her best friend. It just wasn't fair.
"He better hope he stays locked up," I said, letting Marley know I was pissed, but not at her. "Because if I ever see that fucker again, I'll kill him."
"Shhh.." She cooed. "Don't get upset. It's over now." She tried to calm me down. It flustered me that she didn't think that once he was let go he'd try again. I'd guessed that she wasn't thinking that far in the future, and I didn't want to scare her, so I just stayed quiet and hugged her until the tears went away. "Can we go?" She asked.
"Yeah. We can go now." I took her hand and lead her out to the front where the front desk woman was glaring at me. The cop we'd met waved us goodbye, letting us know it was okay to leave. I took her out to my car, putting my coat over her head so the light rain wouldn't get her wet. We got in the car and started driving down the road. I was dead tired from all the worrying and driving, but I was glad he hadn't gotten away with her. I was very aware of what could happen when Jacky was free, but until then, I wouldn't know.
"Hey baby, do you want to stop at a motel or just go straight home?" I asked, almost hoping she'd say she wanted to stay. I did not feel like driving anymore.
Her warm smile finally came back to her face, something I felt I hadn't seen in forever. "I don't mind either way. Aren't you tired of driving?" She knew me way too well.
"Yeah kind of. But if you don't want to stay near here we don't have to. I don't mind."
"Okay then. I think we should stop. I'm starving anyway." I was glad to see that she was hungry. I half expected her appetite to be completely ruined because of the trauma. I was sure she'd somehow be effected by this for some time.
"Alright. Night in or night out?" I asked.
"Uhm, I'm really not wanting to go out. Is it okay if we bring something back?" She asked sheepishly, as if I'd get mad.
"Of course. Sounds awesome. How does Italian sound?" I pointed out the little Italian cafe we were passing, ironically enough.
"That sounds great!" She smiled. I knew she loved Italian food, and I was sure I could have a little fun with her with it. Spaghetti is for lovers. Wink wink.
We pulled into the cafe and I went in and ordered food to go while Marley waited in the car. I didn't blame her for not wanting to leave the car, if I were in her situation I wouldn't have wanted to come out either. By the way she sounded and explained things, she was ashamed of herself. Almost too ashamed to show her face, as if anyone knew.
I got back in the car and set the warm food boxes, carefully, on her lap. "Thanks hon." She said, leaning over and lightly kissing my cheek.
"No problem." I smiled. There were really no motels around, so we were forced to stay in an actual hotel, apparently the only one for miles. It wasn't incredibly expensive, but I would rather have paid for a motel. But then again, who wouldn't?
I paid for the hotel room and carried my suitcase to the elevator, Marley trailing next to me, carrying the food. "This place is really nice." She commented. She probably felt like she was son vacation.
"Right? We should really vacation together. We'll probably go on tour soon, so I'm really going to want to be with you as much as possible until then." I smiled.
She returned my smile and left a kiss on the corner of my mouth. "Are you telling me you're going to be clingy and cuddly all the time?" She was just kidding around, but I wasn't sure what answer she was looking for so I said the truth.
"Yes. Yes it does." I winked.
"Yay!" She half squeeled. How cute. She was excited I was going to be all over her, it brought a smile to my face.
"You cutesy little... Agh!" We laughed as we exited the elevator on the top floor. It was a small town that no one ever came to, which was why there were very few people in the hotel, which was only better.
As we walked into the room, re realized how freezing it was. I opened my suitcase on one of the beds and gave Marley clothes to wear with a sweatshirt. We changed, finally not feeling awkward anymore, and sat on the other bed to eat.
"No TV?" She asked.
"No. I just want to talk." I twirled spaghetti around my fork and effortlessly slid it into my mouth, loving the warm sensation I got from it.
"About what?" I thought she was hinting that she didn't want to talk about Jacky, which was fine. I wasn't in the mood to talk about it anyway.
"Whatever. I don't even care. We just never seem to get the chance to talk." Her pretty smile showed me that she liked that answer.
"Well, for starters, it's cold." She giggled.
"I'm sure we could do something to fix that." I said, meaning.. Well yeah. It was dirty. I guess her innocent mind didn't even think that.
"Turn up the heat? Baby, we already did that, it won't get warmer any faster." She gave me a confused smile, not getting what I meant.
"That's not where I was going with that." I said, in a hushed tone, pushing my food aside to the bed side table and half crawled on top of her.
Marley seemed a little skittish, but warmed up to me almost right away. "I see." She simply said. What a tease.
I moved her food to the table next to mine, not breaking eye contact. I crawled over her until she was completely on her back, hovering over her, now excited, body. She knew what I was going for and had every chance to tell me no. I had even made sure through words. "Are you okay with this?"
She nodded. "You don't know how much better I'll feel. The taste of his lips still linger on mine, and the feel of his skin is still crawling under my skin. I kind of can't wait for that feeling to be exchanged with the comforting, and absolutely amazing, feel of you. I missed you." She whispered. She spoke as if she were reading from a poetry book, this was one of the many things I loved about Marley, she was smart.
I closed my eyes as I leaned down to kiss her rosey lips. It stayed very sweet and passionate for a long time, until Marley's giggles came through like they always did. Nothing was held back and I was sure glad we didn't have any neighbors.. That we knew of.
When everything was calmed down and done, I held her as close to me as I could and she started giggling again. "What?" Purred.
"Oh man." She smiled. "Number one, that purring thing you just did.. Yeah I kind of love that. Keep doing it." She paused as I laughed. "And number two, I'm still starving sir. You never let me eat!" I secretly felt kind of bad, but I knew she didn't mind. Believe me, food was the last thing on her mind just then.
"Cold spaghetti okay?" I asked, assuming she'd have me go heat it up. I turned on the lamp next to the bed and set it on it's dimmest light.
"Yeah, actually!" Her excited tone made me smile as I fed her a forkful of spaghetti.
"Oh how sweet of you." She said, half sarcastic, covering her full mouth with her hand as she spoke.
"I can be charming sometimes." My voice was anything but serious.
"Sometimes? When aren't you charming?"
"I don't know. You tell me." I twirled a lock of her hair around my finger as we spoke.
"Error. Cannot compute. NEVER!" We laughed. I was glad she was in a good mood, but I couldn't help but notice that when we weren't talking, she stared off into space and looked depressed. I felt that half of her smiles were forced, and her laughter only half true. I did my best though, to make her genuinely smile.
"Whatever!" I decided to just attack her in kisses, mostly so I could hear that shrill, girly scream of hers. I thought it was funny.
"Ah! No!" She rolled around, trying to dodge kisses, but she knew just as well as I did that it wouldn't work. "I thought we were done!" She said, referring to sex.
"Oh, now I can't kiss you without wanting sex?" I smiled.
"You can kiss me whenever you want honey." She stopped struggling and came back to me.
"Good." I kissed her forehead. "Because I'd be pretty upset if I couldn't." I kissed her cheek and turned off the dim lamp.
"Awh, is Nick tired now?" She cooed.
"Yeah!" I whined back, reminding myself of Bam Margera in Jackass 2 when they asked him if he was crying because of the snake.
"Poor baby." She said, as if I were a child.
"You know what? Now that you're making fun of me, let's go." I got up and grabbed her hand, throwing on boxers and the PJ pants I had earlier with my Marilyn Manson shirt. She threw on one of my long sleeves with the pants she had earlier. No bra. "Damn I love this girl.." I thought.
"Where are we going?" She laughed, a little confused.
"We're going on an adventure! Come with me!" I grabbed her hand again and started walking out of the room.
"Why?" She was soooo confused.
"Oh come on. Don't you trust me?" I said, turning around to face her.
The smile on her face almost faded, and turned more genuine. What was she thinking?