Screaming on the Inside

"You just saved my life! Of course I trust you." I smiled. Nick turned to keep walking. "More then you'll ever know.." I said to myself, quietly enough so he couldn't hear me. "Do you even know where we're going?" I laughed.
"Nope! But I'm in dire need of a movie and snacks! So I guess we're going across the street to that little theater." He answered, seeming to figure this all out while talking.
"I love how random you are!" I giggled.
He pulled on my arm, dragging me closer to him, and held me tight with his arm around my shoulders. He kissed my forehead and smiled. "I love everything about you!" He retorted.
"That's really cheesy.." I couldn't help but smile. I usually couldn't stand cheesy jokes or anything of the sort, but he just had a way to my heart.
"Look at your smile! Of course you love it! Don't deny it." He teased.
We got to the theater and followed a sign that said "MOVIES TO RENT" with an arrow pointing down the small flight of stairs. A huge selection of movies came before us as the nerdy looking kid greeted us. "Hello there night owls! Welcome to the Anastasia! Best Theater around! We have the best selection of movies! Take your time, come here to rent your movies when you're ready." His enthusiastic voice made me laugh, while Nick was just completely confused. The look on his face was as if he were mentally asking the guy what in the hell he was doing.
We walked to the back to look at horror flicks. "The fuck was he all about?" Nick laughed, but said quietly enough for the kid not to hear.
"Ha! I don't know, I wonder if he's forced to say that." My hushed tone didn't give away that we were talking about him.
We picked out a few movies, not intending on actually watching them all, and headed up to the front desk. "Will that be all for you today?" The cashier, who I learned by his name tag was a 17 year old named Lenny.
"Uh yeah that's it." Nick said, taking out his wallet that was already in his pocket. I wondered how he managed stuff like that, I didn't even see him out it in there!
As Lenny typed into his ancient looking computer, he tried to strike conversation. "So what are you two pretty ladies up to tonight?"
My jaw dropped and I held back laughter. "Uhm, excuse me?" Nick said, I wasn't sure if he was pissed of or amused.
"I asked what you lovely ladies are up to tonight." Lenny said,.
"We're just going to head back home and watch these movies." I said, going along pretending like Nick was a chick just to see what would happen. I knew he wouldn't say much.
"Well I get off in 15 minutes if you two want to wait here and chill later. What do you say?" He sounded like he was getting.. Seductive?
Nick started to speak but I covered his mouth. "And what did you have in mind?"
"Well maybe we could throw these movies aside, talk a little bit.. And.. I don't know.." He stalled, then looked up at Nick and ran a finger down his arm, indicating that he was.. hitting on him?! "Maybe fool around a little."
Nick's face was even more amazing then it was when we walked in. I fell on the ground from laughing so hard. I quickly regained my composure and listened to Nick play along too. "Yeah? You buying dinner babe?" He leaned over the counter and stood like a girl. I ha to admit, it was a bit attractive, but totally not what I was focusing on at that moment.
"You putting out?" He leaned over the counter as well, inches from Nick's face.
Nick ran a finger down Lenny's face and seductively whispered in his ear, "Absolutely. Take control big boy." He smiled and backed up from the counter. I could not believe what was happening. Lenny jumped over the counter and almost prowled towards Nick. "One more thing though.." Nick said, holding up a finger.
"What's that?" Lenny asked, just as I noticed his terrible boner.
Nick lifted his shirt so you could see his whole chest. "I'm a dude." He said, sounding a bit pissed off. He grabbed my hand and started walking away. He turned around once more. "And by the way, you just got turned on by a dude, so good luck telling your mom about this one."
We walked out of the store with the movies we forgot to pay for and stopped to laugh outside of the building.
"OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!" I roared. I was finally not thinking about Jacky, and felt good for the first time in what seemed to be forever, even though it wasn't really that long at all, unless you consider the previous unhappiness I'd been showing because of Carly.
"That was sick.. Well now I know for damn sure I'm not gay!" We laughed there on the sidewalk for a while, then finally continued walking.
"Where are we going for snacks?" I asked, noticing there wasn't a gas station in sight.
"Back to the hotel. I'm sure we can find a vending machine." We walked back to the hotel and dropped off the movies in our room before going on a second journey to find a vending machine.
We searched until we eventually got lost, but did find a vending machine. "Well, now that we're lost, at least we found food!" I said as happily as I could. Even though I felt generally happy, it was hard to stay that way and not think about Jacky. Anytime I thought about him at all I felt like breaking down, and I really didn't want to ruin our fun by doing that, so I hid those feelings best I could. Nick knew what was going on, he knew that every time we weren't keeping busy or something I'd think about it. It was a hard thing to push from my mind.
"Right." He said as we put in the money and got the snacks we wanted. We ended up not able to find our room in the next 10 minutes so we got lazy and sat in the middle of a hallway.
"You know, we could just find our way outside then go back in.. You know that'd be way easier right?" I teased.
"Yeah well.. Maybe I like walking with you." He smiled. We were both rested up against a wall, now staring at each other. I liked how it almost got serious, yet could stay happy and playful at the same time. He lightly kissed my freezing lips, and was probably going to go a bit further then that, but we were interrupted by the sound of the ding of the elevator followed by footsteps.
A girl with short black hair walked to the door of a room, and took a double look at us. "Uhm, hi." She said, turning completely around. "I don't mean to bother you.. But can I ask you a question?" She asked, looking at Nick.
"Of course." He said.
"Are you.. I know this is weird, but are you Nick Matthews? From Get Scared?" She asked sheepishly. I could see why she had to ask, he wasn't wearing make up or anything.
A small smile came across his face. "Yeah."
The girl blushed and smiled. "Okay.. I had to know. Sorry if I bothered you, but you're just.. Wow, uh, you're just one of the biggest inspirations in my life. I couldn't just not ask, with the way you have personally helped me."
"Is your name Amanda?" He asked. This girl was obviously a fan, which was weird for me. Nick kept his music life and his life with me very separate, I'd never seen him talk to a fan or play a show or anything. It was really interesting seeing him talk to this girl. I always expected that when he talked to fans he'd go into "bad ass mode" or act like an actual rock star, but so far his attitude hadn't changed.
"Yeah! You actually remember me?" She sounded like her heart completely swelled.
"Yeah I do. You were the one who told me about your mom and your brother, and how you were dealing with depression, right?" I could tell he didn't have a doubt in his mind who this girl was.
"Yeah, that's me." She looked like she was about to cry.
"How is she?" I was a bit lost, not really knowing what was going on but decided not to say anything.
"Uhm, she didn't make it. She's been gone for about 3 weeks."
"Amanda.. I'm so sorry. I know you were afraid of it, how have you been coping?" He seemed really interested, as if she were an old friend.
"It's been really hard, you saw how my dad is, and you also know about my brother.. I don't mean to sound fake here, but it's your music that gets me through the nights." A tear escaped her but she kept her composure.
"I'm so incredibly sorry. I wish there was something I could do."
"There is one thing you can do." She said, seriously.
"What's that?" I was expecting her to tell him to hug her.
"Promise me that you'll never try to kill yourself again. Because I made a promise to myself that night, that if you died, I couldn't live anymore either. It's you, personally, that gets me through half of what's going on. What you said to me last I met you, it changed everything. If not for that, I think I would be gone by now." Tears started pouring from her eyes and Nick stood up to hug the fragile looking girl.
"I'm so sorry for that. That was a terrible situation, I promise, it won't happen again. I have much more to live for, I know that. I mean, I have my band, the fans like you, my pretty little angel over here." He smiled, backing up from the girl and taking my hand to help me up. He turned back to Amanda. "And so do you. If you can't bring yourself to live for your friends, or your other family, or even your dog, then do it to show your dad up. Show him what you are, and what you can do. And if all else fails, you do it for me. Just know that I do care about you, even if you don't think anyone else does. You have my love and full support Amanda. Always keep that with you."
"Thank you so much Nick. I honestly don't know what I would do without you." She hugged Nick again. All I could think of was the way she saw him. Amanda saw Nick as this god like, almost untouchable human that saved her life. She saw him as someone who could do no wrong, and always fights the good fight no matter what. I didn't see him like that. I saw him as my love, someone I would never want to live without and would always get to keep in my life. He was much more realistic to me then a band guy that lives who knows where.
"No problem." He smiled.
"Not to throw this off topic, but.." She said turning to me. "You're Marley, right?"
I found it incredibly weird that a random stranger could walk up to my boyfriend and know his name, having this same stranger know mine was even weirder to me. "Yeah that's me." I smiled.
"I hear it's you that keeps Nick sane." She laughed.
"I can only try!" I hugged Nick as he smiled about the conversation.
"Well anyway, I just want to thank you both. You guys are amazing." We all exchanged hugs and goodbyes, and she went into the room. We started walking back to the front door so we could find our room.
"I love what you said to that girl.." I admired, remembering the mini speech he gave her.
"What do you mean?" This was all normal to him, you could tell.
"You were just so sweet to her. And you have to know how much it meant to her that you even remembered her name, let alone what she told you who knows how long ago." A sheepish smile evaded his face.
"She was a memorable one. Her brother died in a car accident and last I saw her her mom had cancer really bad, but came to the show anyway. She was in a wheelchair hooked up to breathing machines and she just kept thanking me and Johnny and Lloyd and Dan for helping Amanda so much. That's just one of those things you don't forget. And now that I know she'd dead, it really just breaks my heart. Amanda was only 14 last I saw her, so she has to be about 15 now. I mean, both her mother and brother are gone, her dad is a bastard who can't accept her, and she's still so young. Most people that tell me I saved their lives or whatever are full of shit. I know that much. But Amanda is a bit different. I saw everything with my own eyes, her dad calling her worthless, her mom's cancer, she even showed me a picture of her brother. She was being honest. There's no way around that."
I watched his stressed face as he talked. I loved the way he interacted with his fans, it made me admire him a bit more.
"You're just a sweetheart, you know that right?" I smiled.
"Nah. I'm human." I wasn't sure where all of these emotional speeches and statements came from, but I liked it.
We eventually got back to our room and cuddled up on the bed. We put in a movie but I was already falling asleep before the beginning characters were even announced.