Screaming on the Inside

When I went home that night, I had a hard time even looking at Nick. I couldn't believe that I thought he loved me. How could he lie to me like that? And of course he wouldn't tell me any of those things that TJ told me. Why would he? I knew I'd get into a fight with him, but I didn't know it would be so soon.
I was already in bed by the time Nick came in the room. He tried talking to me but I wasn't having it. I was too mad. I could tell he was getting frustrated with me, but I didn't even care. I wanted him to be mad and I wanted him to hurt.
"Marley.. Why won't you just talk to me? Being silent isn't going to help anything." He said, now sounding sad.
"Because you're a liar Nick. I never should have believed you.." I growled. I was absolutely pissed.
"Believed me? When? When have I ever lied to you?" He asked, seemingly confused.
"Every fucking day. Every single time you tell me you love me, or tell me how pretty I am. You don't give a shit about me! You just don't want to be alone, do you?" I started yelling. I didn't even care if TJ heard us.
"Why would you ever say that? I've meant every word I've said to you. I love you, very much. I can honestly say that I was very ignorant to what love felt like until you." He said, his eyes filled with the hurt that I was hoping I'd see.
"Fuck you! You married your precious Mammfa, didn't you? The hell you didn't love her!" I accused.
"I did love her Marley! But I wasn't in love with her! I'm in love with you! And there is nothing on this planet that can ever make me feel any different." He seemed so truthful, but how could I believe him? Not after what TJ said.
"Okay you go ahead and live in your little fantasy world. I'm a rebound and you damn well know it! And you know what else you lied about? Suicide! You are suicidal Nick! You want to kill yourself now and you did back when I met you! The doctor wasn't fucking stupid Nick! I know you overdosed on purpose! You wanted to die and you know it!" I accused, now screaming as he kept his semi calm composure. I knew him well, he wanted to scream at me. But I knew that was something he wouldn't do, because he promised he would never yell at me in anger. The only truthful thing he ever said.
"Babe.. Please don't do this. You know that's not true. Just because someone tells you something doesn't mean it's true! I'm your boyfriend! You should always take my word over anyone else! I take what you say over what anyone else says." He was starting to get just as emotional as me, except he was upset. He knew exactly what I was about to say.
"Were my boyfriend. Past tense." I glared, knowing that I just mutilated his heart by the look in his eyes. I suddenly felt bad, wanting to run over and hug him. But I couldn't. I had to stand my ground or I would never be truly happy. "I'm leaving. I can't stay with you." I went to walk out into the living room to leave with TJ, but decided to turn around. "No wonder Samantha didn't want you. You're a piece of shit boyfriend, you know that? I hate you. Fucking asshole.." And with that, I turned around and left. I knew if I went back and saw his hurt face, I'd give in and apologize. I knew damn well what I said was too far, and harsh, but I was angry. I was just surprised that he never said anything to hurt me. He never tried to make me feel bad about myself. I wondered why, but pushed it to the back of my mind and gathered my things, leaving with TJ.

***2 days later***

I was sitting up late, thinking about what happened with Nick. Was that the right choice? Was he actually telling the truth? If so, then why would TJ lie? Nothing was making sense and I couldn't deal with it. I was stressed out.
"Hey there." TJ smiled.
"Hi. You scared me. Why are you still up?" I asked.
"Can't sleep. What's up?"
"Well, I think what I said to Nick was wrong. That was soo harsh. I shouldn't have said that about Samantha. I should call him and say sorry." I decided, until TJ refused to let me have my phone as he took it from my hands.
"No way! He deserved that! It's so true! He is a shit boyfriend. Let it go. You never have to talk to him again." I knew he was right. I was free from Nick forever, as long as I didn't do anything to make him show up again. I hurt him really bad, he wasn't coming back.
"I don't know what to do TJ. I just.. I don't want to feel this way. I' feel so worthless and hopeless. I'm never going to find someone who will treat me like he did. He wasn't a shit boyfriend. He was a really good boyfriend with bad intentions." I admitted.
"I could be a really great boyfriend with good intentions." I couldn't believe he was offering like that. It had only been two days! He could tell I wasn't game when he saw my face. "Hey! You listened to my old band! You know the lyrics! 'the best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else and move on!' Yeah?" He quoted.
"Goodnight." I said, getting up and going to the guest room where I'd been staying in his tiny apartment. Though, before I went to sleep, I decide to play 'Count Choculitis' by his old band, Motionless In White.
"Love, hollow, hate, sorrow. Undead undead. There's evil in my veins. Undead undead. The consummate revenge
How do you forgive the unforgivable? How could you kill that which has no life? You once were my sanctuary, and now you are my prison.
Loveless.She says she wants to bleed. Heartless. She says she wants to bleed.
I won't let go, I will not hurt. I've had all that I could take so I can just shut you out.
You could never understand me. Just walk away and don't say goodbye. How can I shake this disease? The marks on your neck would never lie.
The quickest way to the heart is to cut right through the chest. You must realize that someday you will die and until then you are worthless.
The best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else and move on!
The best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else and move on!
You could never understand me. Just walk away and don't say goodbye. How can I shake this disease? The marks on your neck would never lie.
Why do I feel guilty for what you have done? The worst part is showing you all the damage that you've caused.
You could never understand me. The marks on your neck would never lie."
The song stuck out to me an incredible amount. It fit my life very well, at the moment. I figured I'd sleep on it and get back to TJ in the morning.