Screaming on the Inside

“Marley..” I said slowly, and sympathetically. “I missed you more than you’re ever going to know. And you have to know that I still love you, and I never forgot about you. I think about you every minute of every day, it’s never ending. I would have given anything for you to come home to me.” The look on Marley’s beautiful and innocent face made my heart swell. She looked so happy and perfect, how could I not just spill my heart out to her? “I’ve been in a really bad place since you left. You have to know that by now. I went and talked to your dad all the time because he knew how to help me feel okay again. He told me how you were and what was going on with you. He let me know that you were okay, and that is exactly what kept me going. I need you..” I admitted, feeling low and sheepish.
“Nick, You have no idea how much I needed to hear that from you. I’ve been dreaming of this day for a long time.” She said, quietly with tears in her eyes. “I know this doesn’t mean we are okay and just the way we used to be, that’s fine. But, can we try to fix things? Please?” She begged.
“You know what Marley? I think we can do that. I’m not completely ready to pick up where we left off, you have to understand that. I’ve had a lot of problems that your dad may or may not have told you about, and I have to get over that and fix myself before we can start this again.. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you with me. I want you to be by my side while I get things straightened out. Can you do that for me? Can you just be my best friend for a while?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t take that the wrong way.
“Am I getting friend zoned?” She asked, so genuinely scared.
“No.” I smiled and chuckled a little. “You aren’t being friend zoned. I just need you to be there for me without the confusion of romance for a while, okay? I need to do this in order to get over all of the bitterness and hatred. “ I explained.
“Okay Nick.” She grabbed my hand in hers and nodded. “I’ll be your best friend. I’m here for you. Any time you need me.”
I found an incredible amount of comfort in her words. I never thought she missed me or anything. I always thought that she was just fine without me, but now she seemed desperate for the relationship we used to have, just as I was. And I hated telling her that we couldn’t be together yet, but I had to give myself time to adjust to her being around again. I needed to get over all of this on my own, but not completely alone. I knew I needed her help, and when I was okay again, we could be together and it would all be okay. My expectations were high, higher than they probably should have been, but for once I was okay with that. I knew she still loved me, and that was all that mattered.
“I have to go. If I don’t get back before TJ does, he is going to come looking for me and I really don’t want him anywhere near you. He’s hurt you enough.” She explained.
“Okay. Where is he at?” I asked.
“Strip club probably.” She admitted with a guilty look on her face.
“Thought so.” I said, feeling kind of bad for her,. “Can I walk you home then?” I asked.
“I would love for you to walk me home, but unfortunately your house is the opposite direction than TJ’s, and that’s where we have to go.” She half smiled. Having her say that her home was with me made me feel like I was on top of the world. I felt so much better than I had in months. Relief rushed over me, but I had to come down from that as soon as I remembered that she wasn’t coming home tonight. She was going back to TJ.
“Okay Marley.” I said, lacing my fingers with hers, already breaking my friendship rule. Pretty sure Marley and I, and you, the readers, knew that that rule wasn’t going to last long.
As I walked her home, we talked and laughed together, never letting our hands fall away from each other. It was exactly what I needed to get on my feet again. I was already feeling better and wanting to be happy again.
“This is your stop pretty lady.” I said as we approached TJ’s house.
“Unfortunately.” She frowned. “I don’t want you to go.” She said, tightening her grip on me.
“I don’t want to go. But I have to. He can’t catch me here. I’m not strong enough to fight right now. I haven’t eaten in.. Well.. Far too long.” I admitted.
“Oh. I’m sorry. Can I see you again soon?” She urged.
“How soon?” I asked.
“Tomorrow?” She almost begged with her little puppy dog eyes.
“If you can. Let me know, okay? You have my number.” I told her, trying to reassure her.
“Okay. Thank you Nick.” She hugged me, tighter than she ever had before, and with more love than I had ever felt.
“I’ll see you soon.” I kissed her cheek and slowly walked away from her, feeling happy and sad at the same time. I never thought that tonight would end like this..