Screaming on the Inside

I didn't want to walk away from Marley right then, but I had to get out of there. There was no way I was going to have a fucking break down right there in the middle of the mall. I didn't even see who she was there with, she couldn't have been there by herself..
I got in the car, where I found Samantha texting on her phone like she had been the whole day. "Who have you been texting all day?" I asked, in more of a wondering tone, rather then a suspicious tone.
"Liza." She answered quickly. She seemed so believable. Normally, I'd just say "Oh." and forget all about it, but I knew better. Marley wouldn't have lied to me about that, I barely knew her! What reason would she have to lie to me? She seemed so sweet and genuine.
"I see. Are you making plans with her tonight?" I asked. I knew if she said yes, then everything Marley told me was true, but if not, then Marley had some explaining to do.
"Yeah, how'd you know?" She asked.
"I just figured you would. Made sense." I lied.
"Hm. Yeah, I guess you know me better then I thought you did." Her monotone was starting to get annoying. Didn't she care about me at all?
"Well that's kind of what happens when you're with someone for a total of six years. You get to know someone, especially after getting married." I tried to make it seem like I wasn't hinting at her cheating, but even I couldn't deny that my words dripped with poison. She knew that I thought she was being a whore. She knew.
"What's that supposed mean?" She asked, finally breaking eye contact with her phone to glare at me.
"I mean.. We've changed, Samantha. We aren't what we used to be." I tried to calmly explain, but I knew she'd start yelling.
"And whose fault is that?" She asked, as if the answer was obvious.
"Well I'd say both of ours but probably mine, right?" I was getting annoyed, but this is how it always went. Whenever she was wrong, she would blame me. And it was about to happen again.
"Yes! It is yours! If you weren't gone on tour all the fucking time I wouldn't have to cheat on you!" She yelled, coldly.
"You knew Samantha!! You knew before you married me that this is what I want to do with my life! You knew I'd be gone more often then not, and you agreed to marry me anyway!" I said, pressing the gas pedal a little harder. I drive fast when I'm mad.
"Well that was my first mistake then wasn't it?" She said quietly, stabbing me in the back like a hot knife through butter.
"You mean to tell me, that you regret marrying me?" I asked calmly.
"Yes. Marrying you was a huge mistake, I should have listened to my friends. You were a mistake Nick, this whole damn thing was." She seemed to be getting mad, but for what reason? She was telling me she didn't want to be with me anymore, why would that make her mad? If anyone should be mad, it should be me. Right?
"If I was such a mistake, then why haven't you divorced me yet?" I asked, slowly.
"I don't know. You're right though. I have no idea why I'm still around." She admitted.
We pulled into the driveway and she got out, immediately opening the door and storming inside. I sat outside by myself for a while, trying to figure out what was going on. I decided to call Marley, hoping I could talk it out.
"Hello?" She answered, in a worried tone. I expected her to sound cheery like she did in person. Maybe she knew something was wrong.
"Hi Marley." I said, calm.
"Nick, what's going on?" I found it amazing that she seriously knew that something happened.
"Uhm.. Can I just.. Vent a little?" I asked.
"Of course you can. Go ahead." She said. I heard some shuffling around on her end, assuming she was around other people and left to be by herself. God bless that girl.
"Me and Samantha got into a huge fight again. She told me that marrying me was a huge mistake and that she regrets it because we suck together and there's nothing either of us can do about it. She's probably packing her stuff right now, if not then packing mine. One of us is leaving tonight, I know it. I'm just really fucking upset right now and I don't know what to do." I said, my voice getting shaky. I was scared. The girl I loved was leaving me, and I knew it.
"Nick.. Is this my fault?" She asked, sounding scared out of her mind.
"No! Why would this be your fault?" I asked, genuinely confused.
"Because.. You two were actually getting along, then I opened my mouth and ruined it." She sounded so guilty, it made me feel bad. Looking from her perspective, I could see why she would think like that.
"No. This isn't your fault. I'm glad you told me." I answered.
"But if I hadn't told you, then you wouldn't be so upset right now."
"That's not true. Yeah, this probably wouldn't have happened, but I don't know.. She was planning on cheating. I would've been mad if you didn't tell me and you knew. Believe me, this isn't your fault." She seemed to be a bit relieved by me saying that.
"Are you alright?" It seemed like the millionth time she'd asked me that, but it wasn't something I got asked that often.
I sat quiet for a minute, trying to figure out how to answer the question. "I don't know."
"Do you want to come over?" She asked, knowing damn well I needed a friend.
"I couldn't impose like that." I knew if I did go see her, I'd over stay my welcome. I didn't ant to bug her or the people she lived with, if anyone.
"No. Nick, it's okay. It's just me and Carly here, and Jacky might come over. Are you staying Jacky?" I could hear her pull the phone away form her ear and a door open when she asked. "Yeah, Jacky is going to be here too. I have to drop off my dad at his house, so if you want to come over, I can tell the others." She offered once more.
"Alright then." I said. She gave me her address and we agreed that I would be there in 20 minutes. So I went inside to see what Samantha was up to.
I opened the door to find 3 suitcases, packed and leaning up against the wall. She was leaving.
"I hope you're happy." She said, walking from the kitchen, back to our.. My room. She came back out with another suitcase in hand and set it down next to the others, then stood directly in front of me. "You were right Nick. I should've left a long time ago."
"Why does it have to be this way? We can fix this. We can work it out.." She cut me off.
"No Nick. No. I don't want to work it out anymore. I don't want to fix this. I want to leave. I want a divorce, and I want to get away from all of this. This is hell! And I'm not doing it anymore." The unemotional look on her face said it all. She really didn't love me anymore, she didn't want to be around, and she didn't want to have to see me again. Fine.
"Fine then. If that's what you want." I was surprised at how I was acting. Usually I would be a wreck and beg her to stay, but I couldn't do that anymore. Going through all this pain and heartbreak wasn't worth it anymore. I loved her, so if leaving is what would make her happy, then so be it. If leaving her alone was all I could for her, I'd do it.
"I do." She said. A car outside honked, obviously being her ride and probably the guy she was cheating on me with. She stacked up her bags and left.
"I do..." I thought. The first words she said to me when we were our happiest at our wedding, and the last words she'll say to me in the end. Damn those two words.
After she left, I was frozen in my place. I was a little lost, not knowing what to do. I wasn't sure weather I wanted to cry, or scream, or just fucking break something.
I decided to go sit in my car and drive around until I could to see Marley. I would've just waited at her house, but I thought it'd be weird of me because she wasn't home. The more I thought about it, the more depressed I got about it. I couldn't believe it was over. I fought so hard to keep this from happening, and it happened anyway. Eventually, my tears welled up in my eyes so bad that I couldn't see anymore, so I pulled over and parked on the side of the road. The tears the streamed down my face burned like hell, but at the same time, it felt good to get it all out. I soon went into hysterics, not being able to control myself anymore. All the terrible emotions I was feeling just poured out of me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I got to the point where I wanted to end it, everything, with just a wrong twitch of the hand while driving just a bit too fast. But I couldn't do that. I had to see Marley. She was honestly all I was holding on to, even though she was a complete stranger.
I went from hysterical crying, to pissed off crying, to hopeless crying in all about 20 minutes. I realized that I was really late to see Marley, I should have been to her house a long time ago. I took a few minutes to breathe and regain my composure, then took off again. I headed in the direction of her house, hoping my eyes wouldn't be so puffy by the time I got there, but I knew they would be.
I pulled into her drive way and I saw her, staring out the window with a worried look on her face. She must have thought I got in an accident or something. I'd have fun explaining this one..