Screaming on the Inside

I was so upset, I didn't even know what was going on.. Next thing I know, I'm kissing Marley. I always thought kissing anyone that wasn't Samantha would be terrible, boy was I wrong. Her lips were soft and smooth, just like they looked. But why I was kissing her, I'll never know. Well, I wouldn't say never, but I didn't at the time.
When it started, I thought it would be one of those quick 2 second deals, but something happened and I just couldn't bring myself to stop. I liked it way too much, something was going to happen and I knew it. I just wasn't sure what the something was.
When we broke off, we sort of just stared at each other for the longest time, then she blushed and looked away from me. "How adorable.[i/]" I thought. "No. Don't think like that. You don't like her. " I continually kept fighting myself in my head, until Marley spoke that is.
"What.. Uhm.." She stuttered, half smiling, but also with a worried expression behind her smile.
"I.. Don't know." I would normally start looking around like a freak, as usual, but not this time. There was something that forced me to keep watching her, and listening to every word she said. She was the awkward one this time.
"Uhm.. Was that my fault?" She asked. I couldn't believe how cute i thought this was, I also couldn't believe I thought she was cute when 5 minutes before, I was crying over my wife's departure!
"I don't think so.. I don't know." I stuttered on my words, but kept my shaky hands at bay. I wasn't sure what to do with them, so I put one hand beside myself on the couch for balance and the other hand went on her leg, but I don't think she noticed.
"I'm sorry." She said quickly, her blush growing. I was sure that she replayed the whole thing in her mind again.
"No. No, don't be sorry. Uhm.. Can I just.. Did that just happen because you felt bad for me? ..Or..? Something else?" I was trying to figure out was I was even asking her, but I think she pretty well understood what I meant.
"No. Nick, no. I.. I'm fucking with your emotions right now.. Aren't I?" She said, sadly. I could see that that wasn't her intention. She didn't mean to fuck with my emotions, but she did. I wasn't going to tell her that though, at least not in a rude or mean way.
"They were already fucked before all of this." I admitted, in a bit of a whisper. We both got quiet, and I suddenly.. Wanted to do it again..
"Marley." I said, quietly enough so she could just barely hear me. She looked me in the eyes for about the first time since the kiss. I wanted to punch myself for almost doing it again. I couldn't believe after everything that was going on, I was going to go and make out with a girl I just met! It's crazy! And not like me at all. The intention was to get her attention, and then kiss her again, but I chickened out and decided to ask, "Do you want me to leave now?" I was a little afraid of the answer I could have gotten.
"No!" She said, a bit too quickly like she had at the door, as if I didn't notice, and put her hand on my forearm, as if begging me to stay. "Uh, no." She slowed down, but kept her hand where it was.
"Do you want me to stay?" I asked, wondering what she'd say. I knew she didn't want me to go, but maybe this way I'd get an explanation.
"Yeah, I do." She said, slowly and softly. She leaned in and gave me another hug. I did love her hugs, I didn't know if she noticed or not, but she fit in my arms a bit.. Perfect.
I hugged her back, knowing that everything was fine. She wasn't mad about the kiss or freaked out, that i could sense anyway. I thought we were okay, and we were. But I had something else in mind, no, nothing dirty, I just thought about her different. I started noticing different things about her, like the way she breathed, and the way she always smelled like flowers. I noticed her eyes, how they change with her mood. When she's happy, they're brightly colored, but when she's sad or worried, they get dim, much like they were right before I kissed her. When I looked down at her, still in the hug, which kind of turned into us cuddling more then anything else, her eyes were brighter then they were before, not by a lot, but enough to make me notice.
We sat in silence for what seemed to be only a few minutes, but when I looked at my phone for the time, it told me that we;d been sitting like that for an hour. Were we both really that shocked and bewildered about it that we could just sit in silence for an hour, just thinking about something that lasted probably a minute? I guess we were, because when I looked down at Marley, I saw that she was starting to fall asleep. I shifted positions so that I was laying on the couch, and I pulled her close to me to where most of her body was rested on mine. I found comfort in this. She opened her eyes, but just let me do what I wanted. She didn't try to move somewhere else or move somewhere I wasn't going to put her, she just went right where she knew I wanted her to, and stayed.
I wasn't sure if she was going to go to sleep or not, so I figured I'd make that decision for her. I played with her hair and hummed something I'd recently written until she fell asleep. It didn't take long. She seemed incredibly comfortable with me already, and I guess having her fall asleep on me only made her more comfortable around me, which was completely okay with me.
About a half hour later, I pulled a blanket over us that was on the end of the couch and fell asleep too, which was probably a mistake, but I did it anyway.
The next morning, I woke up to the smell of pancakes being made, probably by Carly. I checked my phone and saw that I had 4 new text messages and 3 new voicemails. All from Samantha. Apparently there was some stuff at the house that she wanted, like the microwave and odd appliances like that. She forgot her key so she needed me to go unlock the door for her, she said she'd be there at 5. It was only 11 when I got all the texts and voicemails.
In all honesty, I didn't want to see her again, especially after what happened the night before. AS I was thinking about everything that would go on, I felt Marley shift around. I looked down at her and she returned my gaze.
"I was sleeping on you." She stated.
"Yeah.." I said, trying to understand where she was going with it.
"I didn't crush you or anything?" She laughed. I laughed too, how could she think something so silly?
"No! Of course you didn't." I smiled, genuinely for the first time in days. A huge smile spread across her face as mine disappeared in suspicion. "What?" I asked.
"Your smile." She said admiringly.
"What about it?" I asked, getting terribly blushy. I hated it when I blushed, and she was about to make it happen, I could see it coming.
"I haven't seen it until now. It's cute, you should do it more often." I didn't know how she wasn't phased by what she was saying. She was the type of girl that blushes at the hint of the word "cute", and now she's using it without any problem? I didn't know how she could do it.
"Stop that." I said, trying to hold back another smile.
Marley giggled. Damn her adorable giggle. Damn it straight to hell. She got up and walked into the bathroom, then out to the kitchen. I knew it would be an interesting day, but good or bad? I'd just have to wait to find out.