Alexander William. Hears a voice.


I woke up. The unusual but ever present sting of wrists after being cut, was there. I had a dream about Daniel. It hadn't happened for almost 2 months now. I hadn't cut for 3 months. I know Dan wouldn't have been proud. But if he knew I did it. He'd have known why. He wouldn't want his little brother doing the same things he did. 

I ran up to his room. 

"Lex?" my mom said. 

"Mom, don't say anything. I need to do this. I feel horrible. I need to do this."

"Alright lex."

I opened the door.

There hanged the noose. No one took it down. They just took his body off it. My dad wanted to keep it there. To torture me, he wanted Daniels death to kill me from the inside out. 

I went over to his bed. There sat the empty bottle of Whiskey. His pillow. His blankets. His old clothes. The last thing I saw him wearing. 

"Fuck." I said wiping the tears from my eyes. "Dan, I swear. You know what? Once I find you. I'm going to kick your ass. I miss you I'm so sorry..."

I'd gotten an idea right there. 

"Sing me to sleep I'll see you I'm my dreams. Waiting to say I miss you I'm so sorry." 

I looked around the room. I lit a candle of his. Vanilla, I put it on the nightstand by his door. Broken, I put my elbow through it that afternoon. There was a knick in the door where the Bottle hit, I remember glass shattered everywhere that day. Some had flown into my leg. I still had the scars. They bled a lot. I only remember because the sight of my blood always made Daniel cringe. 

He walked out. 


"Lex.. Don't..." 

"DANIEL!!! Don't fucking do this to me. Come back!!!"

"Alex, I'm not going to fight. I'm not going to yell. No more anger. No more hateful words. I love you." 

"Whatever... If you did you'd fucking tell me whats wrong."

"YOU WANT TO KNOW?!?! HMMM? SO BAD. YOUR LITTLE GARAGE BAND IS KICKING OFF. AND YOUR GETTING A GIANT EGO. You're getting in over your head. Take a look back at what you were. And what you are now. Then come see me. Don't let yourself get in over your head." he said. 

I scribbled down that thought on the paper again. "Don't let yourself get in over your head." he said. "Throw the bottle." I tossed an imaginary bottle at the door again. "Break the door. And disappear."

The candle over across the room burned out. I did what I always saw Dan do when a candle. Pour the hot wax between his fingers. 

"Pour the wax over the..." over the... No.. No. Spill the wax over the.. The spaces left in place of  your angry words... No no your "the spaces left in place of angry words" I scribbled it down. Suddenly everything clicked and I just let the words flow. Every thing about that day just flowed. Every little word. 

Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye - 
it could be for the last time and it's not right. 
"Don't let yourself get in over your head," he said. 
Alone and far from home we'll find you...

Dead - Like a candle you burned out; 
spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention; 
throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, 
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around 
it's like a piece of me is missing. 
I could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
Don't you realize you shot this family a world of pain? 
Can't you see there should have been a happy ending we let go?

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, 
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to s...

Sing me to sleep (You've taken so much with you...) 
I'll see you in my dreams, (But left the worst with me...), 
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I couldn't take it anymore. I'd wrote a song for the first time since Dan died. That was the first thing I'd even thought about writing. I needed to talk to the guys. Maybe get together and record it. It would help me, so much. I need to talk to my boys. And Jack. I haven't seen him in months. I miss my boyfriend. 

I picked up my phone for the first time in months. 
"Send to: Zack, Rian, Jack<3."


From Zack. "Lex, whats up?"

"nothing. You wanna get together and record another demo?"

"Yeah sure. You me and the rest of the guys?" 

"yes sirrr. :)"

From: Jack<3 "Hey Al."

"Meet me at my house? We're gonna record another demo." Sent... 

"Oh... And Jack?"

"Alright I'll bring my guitar. And yeah al?"

"I missed you babes."

"I missed you too al."

A few hours later. Zack Jack and I were in my room talking and waiting for Rian. No one had heard from him yet. 

"Dude. Maybe he's just working. He does have a job, unlike our lazy asses." 

"Haha." jack laughed. "It's true. Who needs a job when you're as sexy as we are?"

"That's true. You are pretty sexy. I mean, I'd do you." 

"Yeah, but Rian is pretty hot too.." Zack said. 

"Whoahhh. Zack don't look now, but your gay side is showing."

"Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette. Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet. Out from the window see her backdrop silhouette. This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget."

"Hey Ri."

"Yeah. We're all at Alex's. Come over."

"Okay yeah bye. Cya soon. You to babes."

"Babes?" I asked coyly. "Are you two.... Dating?" 

"Yeah.. No. I dont know. I mean we've fucked a couple times, but we're not together together yet."

Soon enough Rian was here and we were down in My basement. I sang them lullabies. I decided to name it lullabies because Dan used to love to sing to me when I was little. 

The drums were angry and the guitars blended together. It was hard to sing through but I did it. For Dan, for his memory. 
♠ ♠ ♠
I really didn't know where to go at the end. So I just kinda Ended it.