Walking at Night, Alone

A week or two into school we finally stopped carpooling so I was leaving to school at my own pace but I ended up getting there early somehow so I went to the cafeteria to get breakfast and saw Kennedy.

“Hey babe.” He said wrapping me in a hug

“Hey Kennedy.” I said feeling awkward “You do know were not together yet right?” I asked him I wanted to make sure I wasn’t giving him the wrong idea.

“Yet is the keyword, I’m sure it won’t be that long until you decide right?”

“It actually might take awhile I’m just not too sure about some stuff, it’s just me I do love you.” I said giving him a quick kiss.

“I just hope your decision is good.” I got my breakfast and then head out to my homeroom still too early but I saw John already sitting there eating grapes, John and I had become a lot closer and I actually enjoyed my time with him. He showed me some of the songs he began writing and before we knew it the period was over and we walked together to our next class.

When I got to lunch I saw John and Roxy sitting at our table talking. “Roxy you’re not falling for John are you? Don’t forget about Garrett, your boyfriend.” She laughed at my attempt to be funny.

“I’m not falling for John, I can control myself. We were actually talking about y-“ John covered her mouth before she could finish her thought.

“Cool a secret that’s always fun. Anyways we can go off campus today so where are we going?” I asked changing the subject I didn’t even think to care about it.

“Shouldn’t you wait for Kennedy?” They both asked me.

“It doesn’t matter he’s a big boy he can call us if he can’t find us.” I said this morning kind of freaked me out cause I wasn’t sure if I liked Kennedy as much as I remembered.

“Wow you sure care about your boyfriend.” Roxy said

“He’s not my boyfriend” I stated angrily.

“Commitment issues she has them, bad.” Roxy turned to John to say.

“Shut up I just have problems committing to Kennedy there is just something about Kennedy lately that makes me not want to be with him.” I said too much but she was my best friend. “Come on lets go get lunch” John and Roxy’s faces looked shocked. “What’s wrong guys” Roxy pointed behind me and I turned around to come face to face with Kennedy. “Oh hi Kennedy lets go get lunch” I attempted to change the subject.

“What’s wrong with me, what haven’t I done right why am I not good enough for you?” he sounded too upset I didn’t want to deal with this now.

“Kennedy, it’s not that, really you’re too good for me I’m not good enough for you. You want a real lasting relationship and I can’t promise that especially with the plans I have”

“Ashton I don’t need anything, just think about me maybe?” Kennedy looked like a puppy dog I couldn’t stand it.

“Come on guys let’s get lunch.” I felt guilty especially since I completely changed the subject. We filed into Garret’s SUV and drove to Carl’s Jr. I sat next to Kennedy, it felt so weird to think I might not be with Kennedy. Kennedy and I used to be so close and would I ruin the group by not getting back with him? I don’t want to be the reason the group splits.

When we got back to school we had to go to our classes, mine was choir with John and we got our quizzes that we took of each other a few weeks prior back. I got a 95 percent about John, and I hoped his score wasn’t too bad I turned to check his score.

“I got an A” He said smiling at me

“How? We didn’t even talk about me that much.”

“I guessed I just answered what I assumed about you and what I would say if I was girl.”

“So you’re saying we have that much in common?” this was unbelievable

“I guess, kind of weird isn’t it? I mean you totally hated me when we are so much alike.”

“Yeah it is kind of weird.” I said “Want to maybe hang out today?” I asked I hadn’t hung out with him outside of school other than the band practices every so often. Before he could answer our teacher handed us a song from Phantom of the Opera in which there was a duet. I really wanted the girl part of the duet I had seen phantom of the opera a million times so I already knew the song by heart.

“Uhm I’d love to hang out today but I kind of want to get the guy part of the duet, so I’d need to practice.”

“Well that’s funny cause I want the girl part maybe we could practice together so we both can blend with each other and get a better feel for the song.”

“It could help where do you want to do it?” He smiled towards me.

“Well I was thinking this park by my house no one ever goes there so that should be fine. So just find me after school so you can follow me.” He nodded in agreement.

After school Kennedy was waiting by my car. “Hey Kennedy what are you doing here?”

“I thought we could hang out and get to know each other again.” He smirked.

“Sorry Kennedy, I have plans, maybe tomorrow?” I truly felt bad.

“What if you have a boyfriend by tomorrow? I mean you said its been easier to get with other people so.” John walked up.

“Am I interrupting anything?” John asked “Cause I’m ready to leave.”

“This is who you’re hanging out with tonight?” Kennedy was getting upset as John hopped in his car to get ready to leave.

“We want to get the duet for the song in choir so we’re going to practice together.” I said nonchalantly.

“Okay Ashton but if you come back to school in love with John, I- I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Once John and I got to the park I took my ipod and speakers out of the trunk of my car and set them on the yellow swirly slide.

“Have you seen the movie?” I asked him

“No but I have the soundtrack, I know it sounds weird but my ex loved the movie and she left the soundtrack in my car.”

“And she never forced you to watch it? How does that make sense!”

“Me and her never really watched movies together I swear she had A.D.D. she couldn’t sit through a movie without stopping to do something.”

“That sucks I’m sorry, it really is a good movie you should watch it sometime, Maybe after we practice we can have a movie night.” I smiled. We practiced for about two hours and then drove to my house where I put some frozen lasagna in the oven.

“Today was fun, I wasn’t sure want to think at first but you’re a good guy.” I said as I sat down on the couch with him.

“I already told you I’m not a good guy I’m just good at acting like one.”

“You aren’t a bad guy; no one is that good at acting like someone they aren’t if you think you’re bad you could be wrong.” He shook his head and got very serious.

“I’m not a good guy Ashton, I made so many mistakes that cost me my girlfriend and friends. The way you thought I would be in the beginning is exactly how I am. And I saw you and wanted to be a good guy because not to be weird or anything but you remind me of my ex and me and my ex met in choir just like me and you. I thought maybe I had a second chance at someone like Myriah but then Kennedy was in the picture.” I tried to pretend this didn’t make things completely awkward.

“John what happened, how did you lose them?”

“Nothing terrible, well actually it is pretty bad. I was such an ass, I wanted everything to be about me, when I started seeing one or two of my friends girlfriends behind their backs they found out and completely hated me and I don’t blame them. And I lost my girlfriend in the process I don’t deserve everything.” His eyes were watering at the thought.

“John do you feel bad about everything?” I asked

“Well yea but that doesn’t make it any better.”

“No but it does mean you’ve changed you aren’t a bad guy anymore. You’ve made mistake, they’re in the past that doesn’t mean you’re still a bad guy and you will get a second chance at finding someone better than Myriah.” He nodded but still looked sad. “I’ll go try to find the movie, and the food should be done soon.” I walked into my room and remembered that I let my sister borrow a bunch of my movies when she went to college. “John I don’t have Phantom, sorry. I have some movies my sister left but they are all horror films do you want to watch one I mean I just put dinner in the oven so you have to stay for awhile anyways.”

“That sounds fine.” He smiled at my awkwardness as he picked the exorcist. I had never seen it and I was horrible at watching scary movies I always freaked out. The movie had barely started and I was already freaking out just simply because I knew it was scary. I scooted a close to John as I could by the middle of the movie he had his arm snaked around my body and at every scary part I would hide my face into his chest. When the timer went off for the food I was more than happy to leave the movie.

I brought the food to the table and told him to pause the movie so we could eat. “Why are you such a tease?” he asked as he stuffed his mouth with food.

“What do you mean?” I cocked an eyebrow at him.

“I mean you getting super close to me, hiding in my chest from the movie plus you keep telling me how good of a guy I am and then you’ll tell me I’m conceited I just don’t get you.” I sighed.

“I don’t get myself either. I’m just confused I like Kennedy but there is no spark anymore, and I don’t really know what I think of you quite yet.”

“Well I don’t like not knowing things so when you figure everything out I’d like to be the first to know” he smiled and we fell silent just eating our lasagna until I heard the door to my house open and watched my mom walk into the kitchen.

“Uhm who is this? And why is he here so late?” my mom asked

“This is John O’callaghan” he interrupted me to say ‘the fifth’ “He’s new at school and we were practicing for solo auditions for choir. Then I cooked dinner and we watched a movie. How late is it?” I asked I had lost track of time.

“It’s almost nine, not really that late but still you were home alone with a guy you are supposed to ask before someone comes over.”

“I’m sorry Miss Middlen I can leave right now if you’d like.” John said kissing my mom’s butt.

“No need for that John, but Ashton what happened to Kennedy? I thought you were with him.” My mom always tries to keep up with my life I just shook my head then she gave me a concerned smirk “Well watch yourself I’m going to bed. I trust you to not do anything completely stupid.” She walked off completely tired after a long day at work.

“Your mom seems nice, but maybe I should go I don’t want to overstay my welcome.” He stood up from his seat.

“Nonsense we haven’t finished the movie.” I said dragging him back into the living room. We sat down in the same position as earlier except some time during the movie I grabbed his hand to squeeze when I was scared

When the movie stopped I walked John to his car scared to death. I walked back into my house and ran up to my room turning all the lights in the house on. I then was lying in bed and not able to sleep I needed someone to be here awake so I could feel safe to nod off; I just needed someone I could talk to. I looked through my contacts and only two people stuck out, John and Kennedy. If I called Kennedy I’d have to explain watching a movie with John and if I called John he’d call me a tease or something along those lines. I really needed someone nonetheless so I called.

John got to my house very quickly since he hadn’t made it home from here by the time I called him. “I’m sorry I called you I am just terrible with scary movies and can’t sleep I don’t feel safe.” I whined quickly as I opened the door.

“I can tell, almost every light in the house is on.” He laughed and we walked up to my room and went on my roof from my window. We sat there talking about a bunch of random stuff and then I asked him to sing me a song since we were already on the topic of the band I didn’t think it was too random. His choice was Slowdance On The Inside by Taking Back Sunday, he started singing it beautifully.