Walking at Night, Alone

I woke up before John; I didn’t want to have to talk about last night so I quietly got up and tried to make an escape but failed miserably tripping over a tambourine. Who the fuck leaves a tambourine on the floor?
“What the fuck was that?” John woke up looking at my frozen position I made after I tripped “What are you doing?” his tired raspy voice was so sexy.
“uh well I was trying to leave…” I awkwardly said.
“Don’t you think we need to talk about stuff?” I nodded knowing we did.
“We do but I can’t right now.” I said continuing to his door. “I love you” I quietly stated before leaving his room and continuing to leave his house.
”Wow I guess I did hear it right on the phone.” Wasn’t I lucky John and Kennedy were neighbors?
“This definitely isn’t what it looks like.” I was at least telling the truth.
“I stayed on the phone for more than five minutes after you broke up with me and didn’t manage to hang up. It’s definitely what it looks like don’t use some god damned cliché on me.”
“Kennedy.” I laid my hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it off. “It wasn’t John O, and I was trashed last night it meant nothing.”
“So you just so happened to fuck around with another guy named John last night? Seems unlikely.”
“I swear it was a different John why would I sleep with John O if I have you?” I was really trying to make him feel better but now I was just lying.
“But you like John, we all know it, I’ve been trying to deny it hoping me and you would be back to normal but no luck you end up getting wasted, breaking up with me, and fucking a stranger with, oddly the same name as John.” My phone went off just then and right as I pulled it out of my pocket Kennedy grabbed it.
“I bet this is from John O about last night. He opened up my new text “John Gomez?! How do you even know him?”
“Uh well the Gomez brothers threw the party last night.” His eyes widened as I assumed he realized.
“You slept with John Gomez. One of my old best friends is there any way you could make me anymore upset?” I nodded.
“Do you want me to be completely honest with you?” he nodded but I could tell he wasn’t ready for this.
“Kennedy I love you, but since we got back together it hasn’t been the same and I’ve been really trying for you. I hate the thought of hurting you but I already did because I’m selfish. I don’t want to hurt you anymore, last nights break up was dumb but sadly it needed to happen. I’ve been stringing you along too long hoping I’d fall for you again but I haven’t.” I stood there as Kennedy stayed silent, too silent. “I’m sorry this was all wrong this isn’t what I wanted at all.” I grabbed my phone back from him and called a cab sadly It wouldn’t be there for awhile so I got to sit out front until it got there while Kennedy judged me. I couldn’t talk to him anymore there was nothing I could say.
The taxi did finally come and once I got home I broke down in my room. I hurt one of the few people who would actually stay with me forever. I think that was a big factor in me ever staying with him. He was always there for me and since I had a fear of ending up alone the thought of Kennedy always being there was reassuring. I felt horrible now I had always been there for him and he had always been there for me and I ruined that because of a dumb boy who had a girlfriend, it was pointless.
I pulled out my phone and had a missed call from John I ignored it to finally read the text I got from John Gomez. ‘Hey I know last night was probably a mistake but I was wondering if you want to hang out today’ I know I probably shouldn’t but I didn’t want to keep myself sulking all day and since John and Kennedy weren’t entirely too fond of me at the moment I texted back saying that I would text him with my address when I was ready.
I wasn’t sure where we were going so I went with some tight jeans and a nice top. Mr. Gomez picked me up at around 6 and he walked me from my front door to his car then he complimented me on how I looked and then we were on our way to wherever we were going.
“So did you get any consequences for your actions last night?” he laughed asking me obviously not realizing how hard it really had been.
“More than you would ever understand. Kennedy never texted you did he?” I asked remembering Kennedy knew.
“Are you paranoid or what? I haven’t talked to Kennedy in months why would he text me?” John said nonchalantly probably annoyed I’m bringing up my ex boyfriend on what I assumed he thought was a date.
“John I’m pretty sure he knows what we did last night.” He looked at me with wide eyes.
“How would he even know it was me?” he questioned I could tell he was upset by the way he wouldn’t stop glaring at the road.
“I-I guess I didn’t hang up after I broke up with him and he heard me say your name.” I looked down “And I’m sorry for dropping that on you I just figured you’d need to be warned. Can we continue trying to have a nice day.
“I’d like that.” He smiled finally less tense and we continued driving for awhile until we reached a small diner on the outskirts of town.
It was quaint and you could tell for some people this was like a second home to them. Diners like these were my favorite type of Diners whether you were new or not you always felt welcomed.
“I’m really sorry about last night; you don’t really seem like the kind of girl who normally does that sort of thing.” He stated awkwardly which caused me to smile.
“I’m not that kind of girl but don’t apologize I don’t know what came over me, like all my stress through the day backed up on me and I don’t know, I guess I’m sorry.” He smiled as the beautiful blonde lady probably in her mid 30’s came up to our table and by the time we were done ordering our food I was called sweetie at least seven times and had been introduced to her and a few other employees who all already knew John.
“You’re only a stranger here once; if you ever have a rough day they actually care it’s kind of a nice step out of reality coming somewhere you can all get along so well even though everyone is so different. It’s hard to be sad here” I smiled he had obviously been here a lot.
“Well thank you for showing me this place although I’m sure you bring all the girls here.” I joked with him
“No you think I like sharing my secrets with everyone?” he grinned “Just you and a few select friends I just figured if you hated me because of last night you couldn’t stay mad here.” I laughed at him, it was kind of cute.
“Well now you shared your secret with me and I wasn’t even mad at you.” He laughed and told me it was worth it.
Once our food got there we talked about his band, school, and even just music in general. Right when I brought up Death Cab For Cutie coming to town he about died. John G was a great guy but could he even compare to John or Kennedy in the friend or even boyfriend scale. After everything he planned to do he drove me home. When I got out of the car he sped off and I was left to walk alone to my front door.
“Are you fucking serious?” I head John say from my front porch “Yeah there was totally nothing between you and that guy last night.” I didn’t even notice his car when I got there but now I noticed as he pushed passed me to go to his car. “I thought we had something and how dare you tell me you loved me and then go on a date with someone else directly after. I really thought you were different I thought you were something I was willing to give up my old life for, someone to change for.” He got in his car and sped off. I fell to the ground easily in tears. It hurt me like a knife and I didn’t know what to do.
Senior year started off shit and didn’t end too much better. I lost the majority of my friends to the choose a side factor which the majority of my friends chose John and Kennedy, somehow John and Kennedy became great friends or at least that’s how it seemed from afar since I never got the chance to talk to them anymore. Roxy and Garrett took my side and John Gomez stuck with me and even asked me out. Sadly John G went to a different school so I only saw him on weekends for the most part. My life wasn’t what I wanted but it had to do until I moved away after graduation which hopefully would come faster. The worst part was I didn’t move to California until the fall when school started so I would be stuck in Arizona. But at least I got accepted at a small trade school for music that I had wanted to go to since I heard about it.
My mom and I saved up and I got in the class for audio engineering. Graduation was great and the party at the Gomez house was even better. John G didn’t want to break up with me even though he knew I’d be moving seven hours away, he’d grown attached and I didn’t care. I felt bad because it only reminded me of how I kept stringing Kennedy along but I could never hurt him. John G kept me preoccupied; I always had somewhere to go, someone to see, and someone to bring to events. I was comfortable, not happy but I didn’t think the world was meant to be happy.
Even if I wasn’t happy I had no room to complain: I had a best friend, a boyfriend, and I got accepted to the school I wanted and had enough money to go and live out there. I had only talked to John and Kennedy once before I was off on my own and they left me alone. I couldn’t help but be hurt by them, it killed me when I was alone I would go on walks in the middle of the night just to think about everything I was too hung up on. I was alone, not necessarily in life but I felt alone. It was just high school problems I really shouldn’t have cared. The last day of June I forgot or tried to forget about everything promising myself to let go.