The Theory of PMS

“Conner, what the hell is this?!” Artemis yelled, pointing to the milk carton that had been left on the counter.

Superboy looked several times between her and the milk carton. She’d been very...well scary, even to him, lately...Nothing he said was right, even when it was right! So he had no idea if he ought to answer that.

“Well!?” she leaned her hip against the counter and folded her arms, glaring at him.

“Its...a milk carton...” he finally answered.

She narrowed her eyes at him and pursed her lips. “I know its a milk carton, you jerk. WHY is it on the counter??”

“I was getting a glass...”

“Ugh! You boys! Wait until you get the glass and are ready to pour the damn milk before you take it out of the fridge! Milk spoils, you know!” she smacked the counter before she grabbed the carton, put it back in the fridge, and stomped away.

Conner was left standing there with a glass in his hand halfway between the cabinet and the kitchen island, looking confused and a little bit hurt.

“Aw, don’t feel bad...its just PMS...she’ll get over it. I’d stay out of her way until then, though.” Wally said as he sped into the room, conveniently having waited until after Artemis had vacated it.

“PMS?” Conner asked, blinking. The Genomes hadn’t really given him a lot of information on the female reproductive system. He had information on his own reproductive system, but that was about it. He wasn’t meant to mate, he was meant to kill.

“Yeah. Didn’t Robin explain it?” Wally asked with wide eyes. He knew he shouldn’t have let Robin explain the menstrual cycle, but he really just didn’t want to talk about things like that. PMS on the other hand was a less messy subject and something all men should be well-versed in for their own safety!

“No...” he replied, frowning. He doubted Robin left anything out on purpose, but he disliked walking around without important knowledge.

“Its okay. He’s thirteen, its not like he should be expected to know to cover everything. I’ll fill you in on the horrors of PMS.”

“The horrors?” Conner was starting to worry now. Was Artemis going to be okay?

“Well, horrors to men. Women probably kind of like it, because they get to be holy terrors for like a freakin week or so and they get SUPER POWERS.” he said, shuddering.

“Super powers?” Conner furrowed his brow. A woman’s entire physiology could change due to PMS?

“Yeah! Just stay out of Artemis’s way. She can probably pick up the whole freaking cave and drop it on you! I know you’re invulnerable, but it still probably wouldn’t feel that awesome.”

“She could pick up the cave?” Conner asked, somewhat skeptically.

“Well, okay...maybe that was a slight exaggeration. But, she could probably pick YOU up and throw you across the room. Or a small bus. And don’t get me started on the Evil Eye abilities or the clairvoyance.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in clairvoyance...”

“Well, I don’t when it comes to fortune tellers. But, seriously, women who have PMS are evil! They turn into evil super villains with freakish powers! Dude, you gotta watch out...”

“Will...she be okay?”

“Oh yeah, she’ll be fine. Its just everyone else that has to watch out.”

“Wally, what are you telling him!?” Robin said from behind them.

Wally jumped, “Ah! N-nothing, I was just telling him about PMS.” Damn, he hated that Robin was stealthy like a ninja. Why did Batman have to teach him THAT well?? It was unfair.

“No, you were telling him a bunch of nonsense that has no basis in reality. You’ve been reading too many comic books.” he snorted.

Wally pouted. “I have not; its all true!”

“Right, Wally.” Robin rolled his eyes. “Come on, Conner, I’ll tell you what PMS actually is. I’ve got some websites and medical books that can help us put your fears about Wally’s nonsense to rest.”

“Okay...” Conner was relieved to hear that Wally was just exaggerating as usual. He walked over to Robin, and let himself be led out of the kitchen, giving a slight sigh. He still never had gotten the glass of milk he’d original gone in after...