One of the Boys

At about 1:05 I saw a familiar head of auburn red hair walking towards me. I smiled and ran towards Tony. When he spotted me running towards him he ran to me. When I got to him I almost knocked him over with a hug.

“I missed you,” I said.

“You too Alex,” he said. I let go of him and we walked to the luggage carrousel to let his suitcases.

“So, I forgot to ask you, how long are you staying?” I asked Tony. He picked up a brown suitcase.

“A week,” he answered. I smiled. It would be nice to have Tony over. We walked to my truck and we put his suitcase in the back. We got in and I started the car. Classical music instantly filled the car.

“Classical music? Who are you and what have you done with Alex?” he asked. I laughed. He reached for the dial and turned the station.

“We belong together Who else am I gonna lean on When times get rough? Who's gonna talk to me on the phone Till the sun comes up? Who's gonna take your place? There ain't nobody better Oh baby, baby We belong together I can't sleep at night When you are on my mind.”

I knew I should probably change the station, but I was frozen in my seat. I tried to out the car in drive, but my hand was shaking too hard. Keep it together Alex! You don’t Tony to see you like this do you? I knew that if Tony saw my cry he was sure to ask questions, and when he heard what had happened he would probably give Nick a black eye, just like Nick gave Aaron a black eye.

I tried to think about something else, anything else. It was no use, all I could think about was Nick. He broke your heart, crushed it. He lead you on, then crushed your heart into a million pieces. That was all I could think about.

“Bobby Womack's on the radio Singing to me 'If you think you're lonely now' Wait a minute This is too deep, too deep I gotta change the station So I turn the dial Trying to catch a break And then I hear Babyface I only think of you And it's breaking my heart I'm trying to keep it together But I'm falling apart.”

That line did it. I could feel the tears coming. I turned my face away so Tony wouldn’t see me.

“Alex?” he asked. The worry and concern was evident in his voice.

“Just turn the station,” I mumbled. I heard the song change.

“Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes.”

A small sob escaped my lips. This song was even worse than the first. It was exactly how I felt. Broken.

I banged on the steering wheel in frustration, and it let out a short honk. I was angry at myself. I used to be so strong, but not I was one of those girls in the movies that crumbled to pieces when a guy broke her heart. I was so weak! I hated the person I became in these past few months. How could I have changed so much? I wish that I had never met the Jonas Brothers in the first place. I was a happy, strong and independent woman, and now what was I? A sad, miserable, weak, mess. How could I let myself believe in fairy tails? How could I have been so stupid? How could I have traded my independence for a weak girly-girl who cries when a guy rejects her?! I wanted Alex back! The Alex I knew before she met the Jonas Brothers. I didn’t even know myself anymore. I should be stronger than this! When Nick told me he just wanted to be friends I should have just nodded and taken it like a woman.

“Alex? Are you Ok? What’s wrong?” Tony asked. I cried out in frustration. Not only was this affecting me, but it was hurting Tony too. I knew that he hated seeing me hurt. When I got my heart broken by that guy in 10th grade he was there for me, I could see the hurt on his face as I turned to look at him now. Just because I couldn’t be strong, it was affecting me, and the people around me. I hated seeing Tony hurt and concerned just because I couldn’t take a little rejection. Tony took my hands in his own.

“Alex, I’ve only seen you cry two times in your entire life, what wrong?” he asked, saying each word slowly.

“Well, it all began when I went to Wal-Mart a few months ago…” I started. I told Tony the whole story, every single detail, from start to finish. He nodded every once and a while to show me that he was listening. I finished the story where I went home after Nick told me that he just wanted to be friends.

“Wow,” Tony said. “Talk about drama.” I nodded. My life could be turned into a soap opera.

“Well, I say you’re better off without him, after he led you on like that then broke your heart,” Tony said. I knew he was right, I was better off without him, but actually getting over him would be hard, and it would take time. A broken heart didn’t heal fast. Ugh! There I go again! I’m so weak. How could I let a guy affect me so drastically? But then again, Nick wasn’t just any guy, he was special. He was unlike any other guy I met. He made me feel special, he made me feel like I could be anyone around him.

“From what you’ve told me, Joe seems like the right kind of guy for you. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were dating!” Tony said.

“Joe? The right kind of guy for me? He wasn’t right for me at all!” I exclaimed.

“From what you’ve told me, Joe seems like he loved you the most,” Tony said.

“Oh really? Then why did he leave me at the hospital? He hardly ever came to see me, while Nick stayed by my bedside day and night. Did you miss that part?” I asked.

“Do you remember when Aunt Marge died?” Tony asked. I stopped for a minute and thought. How could I not remember Aunt Marge? She was like a mother to me. I was so close to her before she died five years ago from brain cancer, but what did that have to do with Joe? I nodded.

“Remember just before she drew he last breathe? You left the room,” Tony said. “Why did you do that?”

“I couldn’t just stand there and watch her die, I loved her, I couldn’t watch her die right before my eyes. I would’ve haunted me the rest of my life,” I answered. Just thinking of Aunt Marge dying brought tears to die eyes. That was one of the two times I cried in life. When that jerk in 10th grade broke my heart, and when Aunt Marge died.

“What does any of this have to do with Joe?” I asked.

“Well, did you ever think that maybe that’s how Joe felt, when he saw you lying there unconscious? It’s hard to watch people you love die. Imagine Joe standing there, wondering if you were going to live or die. I’m sure that Nick cared about you, but not as much as Joe, that’s how Nick was able to sit there with you, day after day. When Aunt Marge died I was able to stand there with her, until she took her last breath. It affected me, I cried too, but it would have affected you more because you love her more,” Tony explained.

For the first time, I understood what Joe was going through when he saw me there. I understood why he had done what he had done, and I understood why Nick had been able to stay there with me day after day.

“But what about when Joe left me stranded there on a beach? How was that showing me he loved me?” I asked.

“Sometimes when people are in love, they’ll do stupid things. I’m sure Joe would have cooled down after he thought about it rationally and come back for you. Imagine how he must have felt. You told you that you didn’t love him, that you were in love with someone else, when he thought you loved him. Think about how upset you were when Nick told you that he just wanted to be friends, and now imagine how much more upset you would have been if he told you he just wanted to be friends because he was in love with someone else.” I had to admit, that would have felt worse that what I was feeling right now. “Now I know that doesn’t justify Joe just leaving you there, but try and think about what he was feeling.”

I sighed in frustration and defeat, because I knew he was right. I had thought that all those things meant we weren’t meant to be, but when Tony put it all in perspective like this it meant something else. Joe really did love me.

“Do you think that maybe you loved Joe back?” Tony asked gently. “Do you think that maybe you were too caught up in Nick, too infatuated with him, to realize that maybe you loved Joe more? You can’t always follow your heart, because your heart can be deceived, sometimes you have to lead your heart in the right direction.”

I realized he was right. Sometimes your heart can mislead you, resulting in you making the wrong decision.

But the question was, did I love him back? I thought I had loved Nick, but now that all this had been put into perspective, now how did I feel? I couldn’t tell, I felt too confused by all this.