The Light That Wraps You

It was because of you that I wanted to save people. I’ve never even met you, but I have shaped my entire life around you.

“Good morning, Dr. Girard!” The curtain surrounding me was pulled back rather abruptly, exposing bright sunshine pouring in from the window. I looked up from my binder, but rather than focus on the new arrival, I stared down at the patient. Thankfully, she was still sleeping. Yes, it was her medication, but I knew her latest dose would be wearing off quite soon.

“Dr. Lowe,” I said quietly, looking up with a smile. I was surprised to see a group of medical students behind him, nearly cowering. I remembered those days, my hands shaking, gripping a pen and a notepad tight, my fingers white. It wasn’t necessarily fear that ruled me in those days, but urgency, the desire to do right and not let people down as I sprinted through those unfamiliar corridors. Well, those corridors were familiar now. I knew them like I knew my own name.

I greeted the students and shut my binder, tucking my pen into the bun at the back of my neck. “How can I help you, Dr. Lowe?” I was a senior resident, but Peter Lowe was my attending, and therefore my boss.

“I’m babysitting today,” Dr. Lowe said with a grin, gesturing to the students behind him. “I just wanted to show you off, that’s all.”

I almost rolled my eyes. He was always doing this. I sighed slightly, and nodded.

Dr. Lowe snapped his fingers, pointing to me. “All right. Babies, this is Sunshine, so named because she is the brightest person I know. You will only refer to her as Dr. Girard because Sunshine is a resident thing and you are not yet residents. Sunshine, these are my babies. Please don’t try to tickle them because they’re in that awkward biting stage.”

I giggled, and Dr. Lowe seemed pleased that he had managed to make me laugh. “Right! Sunshine, tell me what seems to be the matter here.”

I gestured down at the sleeping woman, meeting the eyes of several of the students. “The patient is a Mrs. Abigail Stein. She is a sixty-seven year old Caucasian female, with no prior history of serious illness. Her husband brought her in when he noticed her eyes had turned yellow.”

“Hm…” Dr. Lowe tapped his chin. “Now what does that sound like to you?”

One of the students, a braver one, raised his hand. “Um, jaundice?”

“Right you are. But stop stealing Sunshine’s thunder! You’re here to observe, not to presume you know everything. Dr. Girard, please continue.”

I tried not to laugh. “Jaundice was not her only symptom. Upon speaking with her husband, we learned that it started with weight loss several months ago. Since then it has progressed to abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, edema in her legs, and bleeding. You ordered some tests and--”

“Exactly right, Sunshine. What tests did I order?”

I racked my brain. As a senior resident, I was not used to being tested these days. I had already proven my grit during my earlier years, and I was a little bit rusty. “An ultrasound for the abdominal pain, followed by a CT and a liver biopsy. Upon receiving the results of the biopsy, cirrhosis was determined to be the cause of Mrs. Stein’s ailing.” I looked down at where the patient, Mrs. Abigail Stein herself was sleeping, peacefully unaware of the pop quiz that was going on around her. She would be fine, with the proper treatment. I was certain she could go home in a week, maybe longer.

“Cirrhosis of the liver. Nasty stuff.” Dr. Lowe shook his head. “And how would you treat this?” He held up his hand. “Not you, Sunshine! The babies. Babies, how would you treat cirrhosis of the liver?”

“Doesn’t it depend on what caused the cirrhosis, sir?” Someone squeaked.

“Indeed it does! Sunshine, what caused Mrs. Stein’s liver scarring?”

“NAFLD,” I answered promptly, “or, Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease.”

“And what path of treatment would you recommend?”

“Because you can’t reverse cirrhosis of the liver, there are several things we can do for Mrs. Stein to avoid kidney failure and what could be the eventual need for a liver transplant. The first thing she can do is change her diet. She needs to see a nutrition specialist to develop a healthy diet that will work for her. She needs to stop drinking any and all alcohol that she does regularly, and limit salt intake. Then, to prevent any infections she may receive, we can prescribe her some mild antibiotics. After that, it’s really up to her to change her lifestyle. If she has trouble adjusting, there are always support groups that we can put her into contact with as well.”

“Bravo, Sunshine. Babies, give her a round of applause, please.” They all clapped, their faces impressed, and I blushed. Peter was romanticizing their ideas of medical school and what being a doctor was all about, and it made me slightly uncomfortable.

“And this,” Dr. Lowe said, pointing to all of the students, “is only what you can hope to be. Sadly, you will never be as good as Sunshine, but that doesn’t mean you should throw yourself off the roof the first time you screw something up. All right, get out of here. You are now free to pursue a one hour dinner break! Shoo!” He waved his hands at them and they all scurried from the room.

I laughed and shook my head, stepping away from Mrs. Stein’s bed and pulling the curtain shut. “You’re a tormentor.”

“Me?” Dr. Lowe flashed me his best innocent expression. “I don’t know what you mean.” The two of us left the room, strolling into the hallway. Nurses were everywhere, rushing back and forth, and the loudspeaker was calling for someone on the fourth floor in garbled tones.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” I sighed, shaking my head.

“Do what, Lux?”

“It’s Dr. Girard during the day, sir,” I replied with a small smile. “I wish you wouldn’t put me on a pedestal. I’m not that great of a doctor. Do you remember in my second year, when that man--”

Dr. Lowe held up a hand. “Do not dwell in the past, Sunshine. It does no good for anyone. And you are that great of a doctor. You’re just too modest to admit it. Don’t worry; if anything, all I did was motivate those rugrats.” He grinned ruefully. “And scare the shit out of them.” He ran a hand through his wavy red hair, shaking his head. “They’ll get a break right now, and then I’ll go back to terrorizing them.” He looked down at his watch. “After I go see a few more patients, of course.”

“Well you have fun with that.” I handed the binder I was holding to Dr. Lowe, smiling. “I’m off.”

“Oh, no! You’re going to leave me alone with the ankle-biters?”

“Yes, Peter, I’m afraid so. My shift was over twenty minutes ago. This is my first night off in a very long time, and I swear, if I get called in, I’m going to toss my beeper into the ocean.”

Dr. Lowe chuckled. “I’ll drive you to Revere myself. You could use the night off. They call you folks residents for a reason. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodbye, Peter.”

“See you in the morning, Sunshine.”

“You have got to stop calling me that!” I yelled after him. He just waved jauntily in my direction, before turning the corner, his white coat billowing out behind him. Of all the medical personnel I worked with at Massachusetts General Hospital, he was by far my favorite. He had been a mentor and a friend through some difficult times, and I would always be grateful for him.

The hospital was bustling, busy as always. While other places of employment had slow nights, we were a hospital, and there was no shortage to those in need of healing, especially in a fast and frenzied city like Boston. There was always carnage, and we, the doctor and nurses, were in the thick of it. The heat of the moment, Dr. Lowe liked to say, the throngs of battle. That was where we thrived, up to our elbows in blood and desperation, with one purpose stirring our grim hearts: saving lives.

People always asked me why, after spending my entire life in and out of hospitals, I would ever want to work in one. I would just laugh and tell them that I couldn’t stay away. The truth was that you made me want to do this. After receiving the ultimate gift, it was only right that I used it to do something worthwhile.

But even we weren’t invincible. Even we needed to go home and rest, which is exactly where I was headed, after a sixteen hour day.

I was on my way to the locker room when I heard someone call my name from down the hall. I swiveled on one sneakered foot, raising an eyebrow at the nurse. She was one of the new ones. Oh, what was her name… Maya? Mara? Dammit. I had never been good with names.

When she got closer, I could see her nametag. Marya. Eh, I had been close.

“Yes?”

“You have a phone call.”

I blinked. Who would be calling me? Anyone who knew me personally knew my schedule, and as I had been off for nearly thirty minutes now, they would know not to call me. Still, I followed her back to her desk, and warily picked up the phone.

“Dr. Girard speaking, how may I assist you?”

“Dr. Lucinda Girard?”

I frowned. The voice was male and entirely unknown to me. “Yes. To whom am I speaking?”

“My name is Dr. Charles Burke. I work with the Pittsburgh Penguins organization of the National Hockey League.”

National Hockey League. Suddenly, you were there, reminding me of who you had been before I’d stolen your heart. I could see you just out of the corner of my eye, grinning like you were in all those pictures I had seen of you. You gave me a thumbs up. I turned, and you vanished.

“H-how can I be of assistance, Dr. Burke?”

“Well you may not be aware of this, but I’ve actually heard quite a lot about you, from Claude Julien.”

My frown deepened. “Coach Julien has been talking about me?”

“He recently mentioned to Dan Bylsma, the head coach of the Penguins, how you lend your services as a freelance physician to the Bruins.”

“Well, yes, I have. But only once or twice.” I know you didn’t play for the Bruins, but Boston was where I worked, and it had become my home. I did the one thing that I could do, and volunteered with their hockey team, simply because it made me feel close to you. It made me feel like I could understand part of your life.

“I’m calling because I’d like to hire you as a temporary replacement.”

“For who?”

“For me.”

I nearly dropped the phone in surprise. “I’m afraid I don’t follow you, Dr. Burke.”

“I’ve heard nothing but good things about you. You’re a young doctor with great promise, and as I understand it, you have quite a few connections in the hockey world. I’m taking a leave of absence for personal reasons, and I’ve been looking around for someone to replace me. I’d like to hire you, if Massachusetts General will comply.” He chuckled. “And if Coach Julien doesn’t mind us borrowing you.”

My mind was whirling. Become the team physician? Replace a man I didn’t even know? This was insanity! Yet I found myself asking, “For how long?”

“Just until February.”

Mon Dieu. It was December. That would mean two months of tending to injured hockey players, in a city I had never stepped foot in. As strange as this call was, and as happy as I was to be in Boston, I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like. Moving to Pittsburgh, starting over with a clean slate, getting to meet new people and do new things… It was intriguing.

I knew nothing about the Penguins, other than I suddenly wanted to take the offer.

“Well thank you for contacting me, Dr. Burke. It certainly sounds like an intriguing offer, and I admit that I am interested. But I will need to talk with the Chief of Staff here, and find out how he feels about this. I will also need to consider living arrangements, and--”

“If you’d like, I will talk to your Chief.” I wasn’t sure how much weight his words would carry, but he smoothed over my worries immediately. “I’m sure our chairman, Mario Lemieux, will also want to chat with him. As far as living arrangements go, there is a rental house available for you, with all utilities paid for by the organization and myself. It’s just waiting for you to accept the offer.”

Même si elle ressemble à l’or, il est probablement en laiton.

My mother used to say that when I was a child. Even if it looks like gold, it is probably brass, meaning that if it looks too good be true, then it most certainly is.

“I’m sorry Dr. Burke, but all of this seems--”

“Too good to be true?” He laughed. “I know. But the fact is, we don’t want anyone else, so we’re sweetening up the deal with anything that we think will make you accept our offer.”

I shook my head. “I just don’t understand. Why me?”

“Personally, I would like to meet you. You’re a marvel of the medical world. Top in every class, two years ahead of everyone… It’s extraordinary, the strides you’ve made at such a young age. Coach Bylsma was convinced because of something Claude Julien said.”

“And what was that?”

“‘Her heart is too big for her own good, but it will take her to rich places in life.’”

No, not my heart. Your heart. The one that was slightly too big, and sometimes pained me in the middle of the night, despite the medications I still took. They told me that would happen, as a result of the heart’s stress at being confined in a smaller cavity. But I think the reason it would pang sometimes is because you would try and communicate with me. Perhaps, for a woman of science and medicine, such thinking was illogical and silly, but I couldn’t help myself. I had been raised with faith, and I followed the light of that star still. I refused to believe that, though you were dead, that you had gone from this world.

How could you be gone, when I carried the most vital piece of you locked in my chest?

Still, it was like fate had reached out a hand to me, beckoning to follow. I couldn’t resist the pull of those words. It was uncanny how a man who knew nothing of our intertwined story could have said that. I decided then and there that I must do this. If not for you, then for me. Perhaps this was one of those rich places in life that your heart would take me. You were the navigator guiding my way, and I was the lost soul, seeking anything to illuminate my life.

So without thinking anymore, I decided to follow where you were leading.

“Dr. Burke?”

“Yes?”

“I would be honored to fill your position. If only for a time.”

There was a smile in his voice when he spoke. “I am very glad to hear that.”