The Light That Wraps You

Luc, the end was coming. The circle that connected the three of us--you, me, and Lux--was about to break, thus ending its eternity.

You know I’ve never been anywhere with a girl before. Yes, I have been places -- the movies, holding hands in the dark; at school, in an empty room and kissing quietly; in their dorms, praying their roommate isn’t about to walk in. But I have never gone somewhere with a girl, together. We’ve always met in the middle.

I think this is a step in the right direction. I think this means good things.

We arrived in Raleigh early, on Thursday afternoon. Everyone else was supposed to fly in on Friday morning, but an unexpected surprise convinced Flower and I to make the trip the previous afternoon so we could spend time with what he referred to as “our chatons”. Yes, Vero had elected to come along with us, thus making it a veritable double-date.

She talked the entire flight. She and Lux sat beside each other (much to my chagrin), and every now and again they would look back at Flower and I, giggling like schoolgirls. It was infuriating. What could they possibly have been saying? Flower didn’t concern himself; he whipped out his PSP and challenged me to several matches, but by the sixth time he had killed me, he gave up.

When we landed in Raleigh, it was early afternoon. It was so much warmer than Pittsburgh that I found myself sweating in the airport. I tried to talk to Lux for perhaps one of the first real times on the trip so far, to ask her if she was excited, to find out what she was looking forward to, but when we landed a change came over her. She seemed so very tired, though we had only endured a flight so far. Her usual radiant energy had dimmed from a solar flare to a mere glow, but when I asked her about it, she smiled and said she was fine.

Well, I wasn’t fine. While Vero’s presence was not something I ever had a problem with -- it was great that Lux had her to spend time with during the game -- I did have a problem with the impossible presence of her and Marc-André’s relationship.

They were touching each other constantly. A few minutes would pass and one of them would reach out a hand to touch a shoulder, an arm, a hip. They were all soft laughter and sparkling eyes, and I envied them that. I had expected that to be the same for Lux and I, but it wasn’t. I held her hand while we waited for a cab to take us to our hotel, but she wasn’t there. Emotionally, she had retreated, and I began wondering if I had done something wrong.

Our rooms were on the same floor, a few doors down the hall from each other. Flower and Vero departed from us in a haze of trilling goodbyes, both of them spouting off different times to meet for dinner. Their door closed with a finite snap, leaving a pregnant silence to fill the hall as Lux and I ventured into our own room.

She choked out a laugh when we entered. Rather than one king or queen-sized bed, there were two full beds.

Instantly, I was annoyed. I dropped all of my luggage and phoned the front desk, but after listening to the girl apologize profusely for the mistake, they informed me that because of the event taking place, no other rooms were available. I slammed the phone down with more vehemence than I intended to.

Lux’s hand appeared at the small of my back. My skin warmed to her touch beneath my shirt.

“It’s okay,” she said, her voice soft like ash. “It’s no problem. See?”

She led me to the nearest bed, leaving all of our luggage by the door. She pulled me down onto it with her. I folded my arms around her, and she nuzzled against my chest. If we stayed like that, we’d fit. We’d survive.

“Are you all right?” My breath teased her hair.

When she spoke, she sounded sleepy and amused. “Oh, Kris, always worrying.” I felt a deep breath leave her body. “But I am now, yes.”

I smiled at that.

“Even if I only packed one dress,” she grumbled.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“According to Vero, I need two. Did you know I needed two? One for the draft, she says, and then one for the red carpet event. It’s ridiculous. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it.”

Her practicality was beautiful. I didn’t give a shit if she didn’t wear a dress at all, if all the other women stared, unabashed, as she arrived in a t-shirt and jeans with patches on the knees. I knew that she cared, though. She considered this my event, and she would dress up, for me. The thought warmed my heart.

I kissed her head. “I’m sure Vero somehow managed to fit more than two dresses in her suitcase. She’ll be all too happy to help you.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.”

I laughed. “I can’t wait to see them.”

“Of course you can’t.”

I wanted to ask her what she wanted to do while we were there but somehow, during the time I’d been lost in my thoughts, she fell asleep. I watched her, matching my breaths in time with hers. From somewhere to my left, my cell phone vibrated. Frowning, I had every mind to ignore it...until it rang again. Shifting carefully, I managed to pull it out of my pocket and hold it crookedly to my ear.

"What?"

"Did I wake Sleeping Beauty?" It was Jordan. "When you see my brothers, tell them that they're assholes."

I sighed. "Was that it?"

"Nah, Sid's here, he had something he wanted to say. Here--" There was a rustling sound, and I waited, looking down at Lux to make sure she was still asleep. Out like a light, they said. I smiled, tucking a stray strand of her blond hair behind one ear.

"Kris?"

"Yeah."

"How's it going?" I could hear the hesitance in his voice -- and the envy.

"Would you like me to tell you it's terrible?"

Sid laughed quietly. "It would make me feel better. Listen, I uh...was doing some digging in my suddenly large amount of spare time, and I just wanted to warn you to keep Lux away from Kesler and Luongo."

I almost laughed. "Is this a joke?"

"I wish." His voice was so serious; I didn't know what to think.

"Sid, they are married."

"No, that's not what I..." His voice crackled, fading out. "...know her...article...keep her away..."

"Sidney, I can't hear you. What are you trying to say?"

My phone beeped twice. I looked at the screen. The call had dropped. Shaking my head and wondering what the hell that had been about, I closed my phone, maneuvered myself carefully so I could set it on the bedside table, before snuggling back up to Lux.

Within minutes, the call had faded, and I was fast asleep.



We woke several hours later, the shrill ringing of the phone scaring both of us out of dreams. Lux sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing her hands over her face sleepily, while I picked up the receiver.

“H'llo?”

It was Flower. “Dinner in an hour! Meet us in the lobby.”

I didn’t want to. I wanted to do nothing more than lay back down, my arms wrapped around Lux as we slept off the jetlag, waking in the middle of the night only to make love in a new, foreign city. I knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer, though, so I mumbled an agreement and hung up on him.

“Dinner?”

I nodded. “In an hour.”

“Is it terrible that I do not want to go?”

I shook my head, hooking a chunk of hair behind one ear. “No, because I do not either. I would much rather go back to sleep.”

She laughed. “Then you’d be up all night!”

One could only hope, I thought. She got up and seized the bathroom to fix her hair and apply a little makeup, while I kicked open my suitcase and rooted around for something to wear. I decided on a plain black t-shirt and some jeans, beneath a sweater because while it was warmer than Pittsburgh, it was still cold. I ran my fingers through my hair in an effort to comb it, before throwing on a Kasual hat and calling it done.

I was flipping through channels on the flat-screen TV when Lux came out of the bathroom. She had let her hair down, only holding it back from her face with a dark green headband. She was wearing a black turtleneck sweater tucked into an olive skirt; gray tights covered her legs and disappeared into black suede boots. She looked so adorable, so festive and pretty all at once, that I immediately wanted to stay out all night, just so I could show her off. I was the luckiest man in North Carolina, and I’d be damned if I didn’t let everyone know it.

By the time we arrived downstairs, the sun had set. Vero was impatiently shifting her weight from foot to foot, while Flower used his height to search for the two of us. Both of their faces lit up when they caught sight of us. Vero immediately gushed in French about how wonderful Lux looked, while Flower and I both rolled our eyes, smiling. It was a secret thing, something we were only apart of. Yep, those are our girls, it said, in a bemused, proud, affectionate way. I took Lux’s hand and this time, she was all there, with me completely.

She looked up at me eagerly as we waited for a cab. “Vero says there is a play that we can see after dinner!”

“You want to go?”

“Only if you do.”

“Then I do. Come on.” I helped her into the cab and we were off to a place Vero had picked (naturally) called Capital Club 16. She’d heard about the specials they were running for the weekend, particularly on Canadian food, and ordered us all poutine. It was by no means healthy or elegant, but it reminded all of us of home and we talked excitedly in French as we reached over each other for napkins, drinks, and more fries. Our corner table was the loudest in the entire place.

We still had an hour before the play started, so we walked around downtown. Flower shouted suddenly when we were strolling down a street and dragged us into a place known as the Benelux Café. Lux giggled the entire time we were in there, as Flower continually made jokes in reference to the café and her name. She and Vero ordered warm chai latté’s, and afterwards, we headed to The Burning Coal Theater Company, arriving just in time for the play.

It was something new, something that a college student had written. It was something very surreal, almost like Rapunzel and Alice In Wonderland. The main character, a girl, was stuck in a labyrinth. There were doors everywhere, and she had a key to all of them except one. She had opened all of the ones but the last door, and had found different places that she could travel to, though none of them appealed to her because she was certain that last door hid everything she wanted. She desperately wanted to know what was behind the last door, so much that when a handsome prince and his friends finally found a way through the labyrinth, intent on rescuing her, she didn’t even want to go with them.

It ended with the girl sitting outside the door after telling the prince to leave, touching it and saying, “The fire burns strongly, consuming, and with it, everything that I am and will ever be.”

I didn’t understand it, but I clapped anyway when the lights went up. I turned to ask Lux what she had thought of it, only to find she was gone. I had been so absorbed by the stupid play that I hadn’t even noticed, and I sat straight up, panic-stricken.

Vero caught sight of my expression and laughed. “Calm down, Kris. She wasn’t feeling well so she stepped outside.”

But alone? In an unfamiliar city? Why hadn’t she said something, I would’ve gone with her. No play was worth something happening to her. Pushing past all of the other people filtering their way out, I nearly ran outside, Fleury and Vero rushing behind me. She was standing off to the side, her purse held tightly to her body, looking for the three of us. When I neared her, I could see immediately that she had been crying. Her makeup was all but gone, and her eyes were red and too-bright.

“Are you all right?”

She nodded. “Yes. I just felt very dizzy at the end and decided some fresh air would be nice.”

“But…” She had been crying. Why should a dizzy spell make her cry? The look she gave me implored me not to delve any deeper, but how could I ignore this? She hadn’t been herself all day, and I was very worried, especially because she wouldn’t talk to me. Was this what I had to look forward to? Was the thrilling weekend I had planned destined to end in flames?

I reached out and touched her arm lightly. I’m still here, I wanted to say. Rely on me. I didn’t. Instead, I listened as Fleury offered to make Lux breakfast the next morning so she didn’t have so much to worry about. That started Vero on why he never made her breakfast, and the two of them playfully bickered all the way back to the hotel. Lux, I noticed, kept to herself in the cab, leaning her head against the window and sighing. Her eyes were closed, shutting out the city and all the wonderful things I wanted to show her.

She was trapped in the labyrinth, I realized, and I was the prince so willing to save her. But what was the door? What impossible obstacle loomed above her, enthralling her and holding her captive?

Words suddenly filled my mind, one sentence echoing, a piece of a book that I had yet to finish.

“Everything burns if the fire is hot enough. The world is nothing but a crucible.”