How to be Emo

I got my tests back a week later. I wasn’t pregnant and all I had was HPV stuff, which can be treated. I threw the paper in the garbage.

I was back in my old house. It still reeked of alcohol and smokes. I walked around the house, holding back a scream that would tear me to pieces. I came to the bookcase and got out the cigarettes from behind the Romeo and Juliet novel. I opened the small case up to get a smoke and light it with the only match left.

I walked upstairs, getting the half empty bottle of gin. I took a long sip and headed into the bathroom. I looked at myself for a long while.

My black hair was starting to turn brown again. My body was so thin because I never ate anything. My skin was dirty because I haven’t showered in days. I chugged the rest of the gin and slipped off my clothes. I got into the shower and turned it to cold.

My body started to freeze. I turned off the water and plugged the bathtub. I turned back on the cold water. I waited for it to fill up as I shifted through the cabinets to find some pills.

HA! I didn’t bother to look at was it was, all I know it that it started with a V. I opened the cap, took out enough to fill my hand. I closed the bottle again and filled the cup next to the sink with water. I started out with three pills on my mouth, then five, then seven, and finally the last ten make my head spin.

I found my balance as I got back into the tub. I didn’t realize it was overflowing though.

It became hard to keep my eyes open, so I let them close. I was already numb from the water and I felt like I was...