How to be Emo

A few days after the outburst, things seemed to settle down. I had managed to console Quinn enough to have us eat lunch and dinner together. She was sleeping in bed with me while I moved stuff out of my room so that I could paint.

We sat across from each other at the clean table. “Quinn, I planned on going shopping for the stuff to make the room yours. What color do you want it? And are you into Strawberry Shortcake or Hello Kitty?”

Quinn shrugged. “Light purple, if that’s okay. Um...I like Barbie.”

I smirked. “Cool.” I met her eyes. “I have this friend, her name is Niki and would it be okay if you spent the day with her?”

Quinn nodded. “Yeah.”

There was a silence that stretched on for a while. After we finished, got dressed in morning clothes, and got ready for Niki’s we stood across from each other, awkwardly.

“Are you ready, sweetie?” I asked, meeting her eyes for a short second. Quinn answered by taking my hand. We headed a few blocks to Niki’s in silence. I knocked on the door and a few minutes later, Niki answered with messed up hair. “Sorry to barge in on you, but I was wondering if you could take care of Quinn.” I slightly nudged Quinn who waved. “I’m going shopping for her and thought I’d be nice to hang out with you, since you’re more girly than I’ll ever be.”

Niki welcomed us in with smiles. As we entered their scary-yet-neat living room to see Matt sitting on the couch, his clothes messed up like her hair. I lifted an eyebrow to Niki and grinned. “So, you want me to take care of her?”

“Yeah. Not for long, though. I’m just going to get a few things and I’ll pay you in you want. I know you still have some Barbie’s somewhere, so maybe you guys could play with them.” I met Matt’s warm eyes for a second and grinned at Quinn. “Are you okay with that, Quinn?”

“Yeah.” Quinn moved onto one of the chairs, sitting silently.

“I’ll be back later. I love you, Quinn.” I headed for the door and was stopped by Niki’s clutches. “Thank you for this.”

“I heard about you and Leon and...Senna. Have you dealt with it yet?” Niki seemed concerned and I just shrugged it off. “Where’d you find Quinn?”

“My brother dropped her off. She’s staying with for...ever.” I met her eyes, a tear threatening. “I need to tell you something.”

Niki nodded. “What is it?”

“Swear...never mind.” I took in a deep breath and exhaled deeply. “I’m pregnant.”

“What?” Niki gasped, sending chills down my spine. “Is it Leon’s?”

I smiled. “No, it’s your mom’s.”

“Are you getting an abortion?” Niki wasn’t really good at asking questions like that, because she’s really saying “get an abortion,” and I couldn’t take that right now.

“I haven’t made up my mind yet. So, please take care of Quinn for me and I’ll love you forever.” I left her house, my mind picturing Leon one last time.

***

I pushed the empty cart around in the store, searching for Barbie posters. I didn’t really have anything on my mind expect getting the stuff for her, because I wasn’t going to think about my pregnancy or Leon. Both of the subjects were too painful and I didn’t need pain anymore.

I turned the corner into the candles and my heart froze. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t face him now.

“Beth.” Leon’s voice seemed so soft and pained.

I moved my cart out of the aisle, even though I was planning on getting candles. I came into the seed aisle, giving up. I wouldn’t let him win. Not now. I pushed my cart back and searched for scented candles. As I turned around, a few in my hand, Leon was coming back to the aisle.

“Hi.” Leon’s eyes were giving off that he was confused. “Can we talk?”

“What’s there to talk about?” I searched for pink and purple unscented candles. I found some and put them in the cart as well.

“The girl. The thing with Senna. Everything.” Leon stepped toward me and I took a few steps away.

“Okay. I’m keeping the girl. My brother was taking care of her. I can get a job. I have enough money to support both of us right now and I don’t you screwing things up. As for the Senna things, well, there’s really nothing to talk about. You guys had sex. You like each other. Where do I come into this equation?” I headed into the poster aisle. “Anything else?”

“Will you accept my apology?” Leon asked, following me like a dog.

I glanced at him. “Apologize for what?”

“Don’t do that, Beth. Don’t act as if nothing happened. I hate it when you do that!” Leon’s voice rose, getting my heart racing.

“Sorry.” I found a few Barbie posters and put them in the cart. I found my way to the paints, hearing Leon behind me. “What do you want me to say, Leon? Yes, I was mad. I was disappointed. I was sad. You broke my heart, but I guess I saw it coming. Senna always liked you, you two had dated. I had started the fight and we broke up. There’s nothing new to that. We were done, alright? Is that what you wanted to hear?” I searched for a light purple and I found it, Leon helped me get it into the cart.

“Can we still be friends?” Leon asking, being optimistic.

I shook my head. “Leon, the last time we were friends you left. I don’t think I can be anything with you anymore.” I met his eyes. “I’m sorry, but I think that it is best in this situation.”

Leon’s hope shattered and he seemed hurt. “I’m sorry, Beth. I really am.”

I nodded. “It’s fine.” I pushed the cart into the lights and nightlights aisle. “I’m not changing my mind, though.” I found two small lights in the shape of roses.

“Beth.” His tone was sharp and cold, sending me to a halt. Leon stepped closer to me, his shoes making a small squeak. “Please forgive me. I know you hate me and I understand. I’m sorry. I just can’t picture life without. I know I screwed up, but don’t you give second chances?”

I glared at him. “Leon, we’ve had at least four second chances. I don’t want to go through his dance again, only to break up in a week.” I let a breath. “You made a mistake. Get over it and move on.”

Leon seemed taken aback by the sharp words that came out of my mouth. “Have you moved on?”

I shrugged. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.”

Leon was confused and I understood why. “You still love me?” He said this as if there was hope in this small world.

I shook my head. “I’ve moved from you in that way. I’m...I’m pregnant.”