Hummingbird Heartbeat

“I love you, I love you more than you’ll ever realize and you tell me this now, right when I convince myself that second best was the best I’d ever do, you tell me that you want to give us a try?” I bent down until I was an inch from his face and I whispered. “No, I won’t let you hurt me anymore. Fuck you for fifteen wasted years.”

“Francis!” he yelled as I stormed out of there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“This is why I considered being a lesbian, men suck,” Scarlett muttered more to herself than to me as she shoved another spoonful of mint chocolate chip ice cream into her open mouth. She was binge eating for me and I was the crying wreck that could barely speak without breaking into sobs.

“Don’t go lesbian, you deserve a hot guy to have beautiful babies for me to call my nieces and nephews,” I sniffled and started crying all over again.

“You can have the kids, I don’t want any,” she passed on that, waving her hand disagreeing.

“I’ve always dreamed of kids with Chris, they’d have his eyes and cheekbones and my nose and smile,” I looked lovingly at Scarlett as I gestured to body parts with my hand and that’s when realization hit me. I started bawling my eyes out again.

“Stop crying, you’ll have gorgeous babies with Ryan,” Scarlett slapped me in the arm. “His eyes and lips, Jesus, I’d probably be a cougar for your kid.”

“Stop being a perv to my future kids,” I sniffled with a smile. “Did I make the right choice?”

“Only time will tell you that, Frankie. I can’t tell you that,” Scarlett looked at me pitifully. “Live in the moment, do what makes you happy no matter what.”

“Thanks,” I smiled sadly and handed her my spoon. “I’m going to sleep.”

“Good night,” Scarlett waved from the couch, in her pink panther jammies with a gallon of ice cream in her lap.

I fell asleep crying again and woke up with a headache from hell and a shit ton of voicemails. “Do not believe it baby, trust me, it’s not real,” was the first one and it followed five more from Ryan and his frantic pleads to not believe an article on several blog sites about him cheating on me.

Curiously, I checked them out. “Scarlett!” I yelled as loud as I could when I saw the picture that accompanied the article. “Scarlett!”

“What?” Scarlett ran in with wide, terrified eyes. It was obvious that she had been sleeping hard.

“Ryan called ne six times to tell me it wasn’t true but what is this?” I pointed at the screen in horror; it was Ryan and his co-star Emma Stone making out.

“Oh shit,” she studied the picture and then scrolled up to read what was said in the article. “He fucking cheated on you with this bitch?”

Co-stars Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes, more than just friends?

“Really?” I sat back in the chair and crossed my arms, staring at the screen. “He really cheated on me?”

“Frankie?” she stared at me with wide eyes, curious about my calm demeanor. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, surprisingly,” I commented uncrossing my arms from my chest. “I kind of seen this coming, he’s an arrogant superstar that’s surrounded by gorgeous women, like you Scar. He flirts like hell, it was bound to happen, and I wasn’t good enough for him.”

“What the fuck? I’m going to kick his ass!” Scarlett screamed like an overdramatic teenager and ran out of the room in a pissed off frenzy.

“And I think I’m going back to sleep, because this shit isn’t important enough to deal with when I ‘m still sleepy,” I told myself and climbed back in the bed, only to sleep an hour before my door opened and someone laid in bed with me.

“Frankie,” the deep tone was definitely male and it was definitely Chris’ voice. “Frankie wake up. I’m probably about to go to jail.”

“What did you do?” I rolled over on my back and stared at Chris, completely exhausted.

“I went by your apartment and beat the living hell out of Ryan,” he said, brushing hair back from my face. “I heard about Ryan cheating this morning from a friend that knows of more than one time, cheating on you. I couldn’t let him hurt you and not get an ass whooping.”

I stared at him for a full minute before I reached out and caressed his face, he really was amazing. “I love you,” I whispered with as much passion as I could.

“I love you too,” he smiled and kissed my forehead. He reached behind him and pulled out a credit card from his pocket. “You remember the pin number, right?”

“Aw, you kept the credit card set for bail reasons only from high school,” I smiled as I took the Visa from him. We had made a pack from way back in high school that we’d have a shared credit card for when we got put in jail.

“It’s not the same one but it has the same purpose,” he winked as I stuck it down in my bra. “I’m sorry, Frankie. I know you were really hoping this would last between you and Ryan.”

“It wasn’t meant to be, Chris. I’m okay for now. I got you, no matter what,” I concluded, it didn’t feel right that I wasn’t actually hurt by it. Maybe it hadn’t hit me yet or maybe I just didn’t care?

“No matter what,” he bent to kiss my forehead again before he stood and left.