Warmness On The Soul.

Matt had been acting shifty for the last few days. I’d ask him how work was and he’d snap at me, mutter not to worry about it, or just up and leave. I could feel the guilt eating at me constantly, I was the reason he was so unhappy working. I could’ve just agreed to let them do the job, but of course I didn’t.

Val tried to reassure me that it wasn’t anything that I did. Even though I wanted to believe her, I just couldn’t. Matt and the guys could’ve gotten the money, be recording, and no one would’ve known. But instead I had to be so stubborn and tell them not to do the job.

I wasn’t going back on what I said though. Even though I felt so guilty, and Matt was unhappy, I didn’t want our babies not to have their Father around. With twins I’d need Matt here with me, and I didn’t want him to miss a single thing. Like missing their first bath, crawling, walking, talking, teeth; I wanted him here for all of those moments with me.

I let out a pained sigh, running my fingers through my hair. Work was dead after the lunch rush, and I was counting down the moments until I could leave. I had a date going shopping with Val and the girls, and I knew my feet were in for it. I had been planning on going to dinner with Matt, but he called and said that he had to work late.

I was disappointed, but I had helped make my own bed; therefore I had to lie in it.

“You alright Hun?”

I perked my head up, smiling at Chelsea. “Fine, just not excited to go shopping.” I answered with a shrug.

“Is it because you still think you’re huge?” She asked with a sad smile. From somewhere back in the kitchen I could hear Joe yelling that it was bullshit and I was still gorgeous. I swear I didn’t know how he didn’t manage to scare off customers; he was always yelling about something.

I laughed softly, “no, Matt just got stuck working late again. We had been planning on going out for dinner but I guess we can’t now.”

Her smile faltered for a second. “I’m sorry Hun, maybe you can make plans for some time else this week. Also if you ever need a babysitter for those two little ones Joe and I will love to help.”

“I can teach them how to cook!” Joe yelled from the back.

“As long as my babies don’t come back hurt feel free Joe.” I smiled. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and upon pulling it out I saw Val’s name flashing across the screen. “Hello?”

“Hey,” I cringed at all the background noise, “god damn it turn down the radio!” She barked, causing me to giggle quietly. “Are you almost off, we’re on our way for you right now.”

“Yeah I can clock out right about now,” I answered sending Chelsea a smile, “how far away from here are you guys?”

“Down the street, are you sure you’re up for shopping?” She asked.

“Mhm, of course Val as long as you guys buy me food I’ll be fine.” I clocked out, checking the amount of hours I had put in lately. “I’m just going to change out of my work clothes really fast and I’ll be standing outside of the shop.”

“Alrighty!”

I put my phone in my purse before waddling to the bathroom. Sure my work clothes weren’t bad, but I
wanted to be in dresses lately. They were a hell of a lot more comfortable to me, and well it was fewer clothes for me to take off whenever I had to pee.

I changed out of my work clothes and into my sun dress, also changing from my flat Vans to a pair of sandals. I put away my clothes in my bag, did my business, washed my hands and was out the door. I made sure to give both Chelsea and Joe a hug bye before leaving.

Just as I thought Val was parked right in front of the diner. All of the girls talking loudly over the music, it was quite a funny sight actually. Val smiled brightly at me as I got in the backseat, giving Gena a hello hug before smiling at all the girls. I was beyond happy to be off my feet at the moment.

“Alright, off to the mall we go!”

*

“Have you and Matt thought about baby names yet?” Gena asked as we strolled through Guess. There was nothing here for me in my size, so I was helping her pick things out.

“Not really, by the time he comes home he’s dead tired and we usually just eat, cuddle and fall asleep.” I answered biting my bottom lip. “I haven’t even thought of names by myself honestly, or even how I want the babies’ nursery to look.”

“We can all help with that, heaven knows the guys are going to put all the cribs together. Which is going to take twice as long because they think they’re to badass for directions.” She laughed, adding another pair of jeans over her arm. “

I nodded my head, chewing on my tongue as I thought whether or not to ask Gena something. I knew what I wanted to ask, I just didn’t know how to word it without seeming like a crazy worried pregnant woman. But then again Gena was with Zacky, so maybe she did feel the same sometimes too.

“Gena?”

“Hmm?” She looked up from a tank top, a smile on her face.

“Do you… well… ever worry about someone… coming after you or the boys? Considering what they did before?” I questioned quietly, fiddling with the hem of my dress.

She was silent for a few moments, and when I flickered my eyes upwards I saw her scowling slightly. A few seconds later she nodded her head slowly.

“I think about it all the time actually…” She murmured quietly. “I worry when Zacky’s not around me, or when he doesn’t’ answer a call at first. I’m always scared that something might’ve happened to him…” I felt my stomach twist when I noticed her eyes had misted over. “If someone did come after the guys… I’m sure they’d be able to protect themselves. But it doesn’t stop the worry you know? You want them here and safe, it was what always bothered me about the jobs.”

“I didn’t mean to make you upset Gena…”

She laughed softly, “don’t feel bad Kara, we all worry about them. So if you were wondering if you were alone, you aren’t. Heaven forbid… but if something does happen to Matt or any of them, we’ll all be here for each other.” Gena took me back by suddenly hugging me, resting her head on my shoulder for a moment. Slowly but surely, I hugged her back, happy to know I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. “Now, let’s go buy this shit and go buy some baby junk.”

We paid for Gena’s clothes, waited for the rest of the girls and headed out of the store. Luckily across the way was a baby store, packed with toys, cribs, strollers and new born clothes. I hesitated outside of the store, my hand resting on my baby bump for a moment. I hadn’t even been inside one of these stores yet, and I was beyond nervous at the moment.

I let out a squeak when a sudden pair of arms wrapped around my middle and a pair of lips kissed the side of my neck. I smiled as I looked down at the arms, I knew those tattoos anywhere. I leaned my head back, looking up at a grinning Matt.

“Matthew! Today was my day with Kara!” Val whined.

“Sorry Val,” Matt chuckled, “the guys and I felt like crashing the party.”

She sighed dramatically, “Oh nothing ever goes as I planned.” After looking away sadly Val laughed before giving both of us a grin. “Now let’s go buy some baby stuff!”

Val skipped into the store, followed by Jimmy and Johnny who both tripped upon entering; they were going to get us kicked out. I felt Matt try to move me into the store, but I was still too nervous. I was suddenly realizing how much work this was going to be with twins, and how I basically had a little family now.

What made me the most scared was thinking that Matt could end up how my Father ended up. Murdered by someone.

“Kara, what’s wrong Babe?” Matt turned me to look at him, his lips pulled down into a frown.

“This is going to be so much work Matt… we’re going to have twins…” I murmured quietly. “I-I don’t want you to end up like my Dad… I want you to be here for them, I want you to see them grow up…” I answered quietly.

His eyes softened. “Kara, I won’t end up like your Father… and I still regret doing…” He trailed off, guilt flashing in his eyes. “I promise I’m going to be here to see our kids grow up, I’m going to be here to help you, and to grow all old and wrinkly with you.” He teased.

I couldn’t help but giggle, even if I was upset Matt knew how to make me feel better. Slowly I laced my fingers with his, turning back to the shop. Matt squeezed my hand gently before gently leading me into the store.

Everyone was at various racks, looking at things from baby jackets to stuffed animals. I didn’t know where to start, and I could tell Matt was in the same boat as me. I knew whatever we got we would need two of though, one for a girl and one for a boy. I mentally groaned as I realized how expensive this was going to be.

“Well… this can’t be too hard.”

*

Instead of buying a bunch of things, Matt and I merely put things on register for when we had the baby shower. We bought the babies a few outfits and some stuffed animals, but everything else was saved away. I had felt so awkward looking at baby things; I didn’t know what they wanted or would need. Then whenever I saw the price I could only feel a sinking feeling in my gut even more.

I had been expecting Matt to take me right home after we left the baby store. But instead he told me he had plans for us, and made me say our good-byes to everyone. I told him a few times not to spend money on me, but all he did was hush me by kissing me.

“No more arguing,” Matt smiled, “I want to treat you to a night out.” He lead me into one of the restaurants built into the mall.

I sighed but nodded my head anyway. Matt talked to the hostess before she led us back and to a table. I noticed the way a few teenage girls glanced at my stomach, turning to giggle at each other. I instantly felt my mood darken even more, people acted as if they didn’t know what a pregnant person looked like.

“Ignore them.” Matt kissed my neck before nudging me down gently.

I nodded glumly, trying to listen to his words. “It’s just annoying…” I mumbled as he slid into the booth next to me.

He smiled sadly, “cheer up babe, I hate seeing you frowning over dumb ass teenagers. You look gorgeous today, pregnant or not I love you and that should make you happy.” He leaned over and pressed his lips to my cheek gently.

I couldn’t help but blush, Matt was definitely something else. I laced my fingers with his as I opened the menu, my stomach growling loudly at the thought of food. My eyes widened when I heard a similar growling from next to me. Glancing over to Matt I found his cheeks stained a faint tint of pink.

“Someone’s hungry.” I giggled.

“Oh hush,” Matt laughed, “I skipped lunch because I was so excited to surprise you today.” He explained wrapping his arm around me. “Order whatever you want, I have something really special planned for tonight.”