Happiness For A Pessimist

His arms were wrapped around Haven’s thin waist as he nuzzled his face deeper in his hair, “You smell good.” John mumbled kissing his hair before looking down at him.

“Thanks.” Haven whispered looking up at him. He leaned up a bit to kiss his lips but he turned away causing him to peck his cheek. “What’s wrong?” Haven asked him softly.

“I have something to tell you.” He said unraveling his arms from me. He stood up and walked to the opposite side of the room running his hands through his hair, “I’m graduating tomorrow.” he said softly.

“I’m eighteen.” He added looking over to Haven still on the couch.

“And?” Haven asked, not understanding what he was trying to say.

“I’m eighteen, you’re thirteen.” He yelled. “This, what we’re doing,” he said motioning between them. “It’s illegal.” He whispered.

“It doesn’t matter!” Haven whispered standing up and walking toward him.

“It does matter! To me, and I can’t be with you.” He finally said the words Haven’s been dreading to hear since they started this relationship. “I’m going to be going away for a bit with my band. I don’t know when I’ll be back but when I come back I don’t want you to still be in love with me.” He said sternly.

Haven stared at him with tears in his eyes as he opened the front door for him to leave. “John.” He sobbed slipping to the floor and shaking his head. “Please don’t.” he cried staring up at him.

“Haven I want nothing to do you with anymore.” He said not daring to meet his eyes.

“W-what d-did I do?” Haven asked crying.

“You didn’t do anything.” John whispered still standing by the door, waiting for him to leave. “I just don’t think this is right, please just leave. Don’t make it harder on yourself.”

Haven slowly stood up and walked to the door standing in front of John. He grabbed his hands and held them in his own reaching up to his tippy-toes and kissing his lips softly. “Please John, don’t.”

“Leave Haven.” He said through his teeth pulling his himself away from Haven.
“Leave me alone.”

Haven felt a new wave of tears coming as he stepped away from him, “John.” he sobbed staring at him through his tears. “John.” he cried.

He pushed Haven out of his house slamming the door harshly behind him. He turned around and began banging on the door sobbing and calling for John.

“John, don’t do this.” He cried loudly his voice echoing through the silent neighborhood.

John sat by the door on the other side, listening to Haven’s sobs as he tried to keep in his own.

He didn’t want to do this to Haven, he loved Haven but he couldn’t risk everything for the small boy. He couldn’t risk band, his friends, and his family.

An hour passed and Haven’s crying came to a stop. Dogs barked throughout the neighborhood as people came out of their homes to see what the ruckus was.

Haven stood up from John’s front porch and carried himself to his older cousin’s house.

He brought his shaking hand to the wooden door hoping his aunt wouldn’t it open and see him in this condition. To his luck Noel opened the door staring at his younger cousin with concern.

“Haven, what happened?” he asked pulling his cousin in.

Haven began sobbing as Noel took him to his room letting Haven cry until he couldn’t anymore. Haven explained how John broke up with him, trying not to cry again.

Once the he finished Noel put him to bed, kissing the top of his head.

“Don’t worry about it.” Noel whispered watching as his younger cousin fell asleep.

John on the other hand locked himself in his room crying until the sun came up. He regretted it. Regretted breaking up with Haven.

Haven was worth all the risk in the world. But he couldn’t take it back, not now and not ever.