Happiness For A Pessimist

I sat on the living room couch while my father sat directly across from me. John and the others left already, even though they begged and pleaded for me to stay with them. But I refused.

"So you're staying here for good." Dad stated.

I nodded softly and played with a lose thread on my jeans. "Yeah." I mumbled finally looking up to him.

He nodded and stood up and made his way to the kithcen, "Go to your room." Was all he said before disappearing into the kitchen.

I quickly headed to my bedroom quietly closing the door behind me. I sat on my bed and processed everything that just happened. I can't face everyone after what happened earlier this day, I can't face anyone. I crawled into my bed and pulled the blanket's over my body.

I wish I could just die in my sleep.

-

"We're getting married soon." Dad said randomly while I was in the kitchen getting some water and ice. I looked over to him as he sat on the dinning room table drinking some coffee.

He wasn't drunk.

Which was odd, he was completely sober. "I know." I whispered softly filling my glass with water. I headed toward the exit of the kitchen, but my dad reached for my arms and pulled my back.

I dropped the glass and covered my face protecting myself from him. I cracked open an eye and noticed he wasn't trying to attack me. Dad stared at me with sincerity in his eyes. "S-sorry." dad whispered letting me go.

I watched him as he paced the kitchen, running his hands over his face. "I'm sorry Haven." he cried. "I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you."

"It's o-ok." I assured him.

"No it's not Haven." Dad said. "Your mother, oh god your mother would hate me. She hated people like me."

"She wouldn't hate you dad." I whispered softly walking to him and resting my hand on his shoulder. "She'd hate what you've become."

My dad broke into sobs and wrapped his arms around me, holding me to his chest. I stood there awkwardly, I haven't been hugged by my dad since the day my mom died. "I'm sorry Haven." dad continued to repeat. "I promise I'll change, I'll go to AA meetings and anger management classes. I'll so anything to gain your trust back."

I didn't respond to his words. Shock was still going through me. I haven't seen this side of dad ever, never in my life. "Ok dad." I finally said.

My dad finally composed himself and let me go, "Why don't you go out with your friends." He suggested.

I shook my head, "No I'll stay here." I whispered before escaping to my room. I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath, this had to be one of the weirdest experiences in my life.

An hour passed when I heard ruckus downstairs. "Haven!" My dad called. I quickly hurried down the stairs and to the front door seeing my dad standing there with John. "Your friend is here." he added giving me a soft smile.

I nodded and watched as my left me and John alone. John qucikly came to my side and hugged me, "Did he hurt you?"

I pushed him off me and narrowed my eyes at him, "He's going to change." I said.

"Don't believe him Haven, he's not going to change."

"Yes he is!" I screamed. "He has to." I cried. John hugged me again and held me close to him, "He has to." I repeated.

"Come stay with me, please." John begged.

"I can't John."

"Why?"

"B-because," I whispered. "Everyone's going to hate me, they're going to want to send me away and I don't want to go away." I explained looking up at him. "What happened the other day was just an act on impulse. I don't want to die." I sobbed clutching onto the front of his shirt.

John stroked my hair with his fingers and kissed the top of my head, "I know you don't."

I regained my composer and looked up at John. I gave him a half smile and untangled myself from his arms, "Sorry." I whispered.

"It's fine." He smiled kissing my lips softly.

"Haven?" My dad called. I turned around, he stood right there watching John and I. "I just wanted to know if you and your friend wanted something." he said. "Maybe some cookies, or something to drink."

"We're fine dad, thanks." I smiled.

He nodded and glanced over to John. "Sorry about the other night." he apologized. "I didn't mean to attack you, or Haven." he whispered before heading out the room.

"I told you he was going to change." I said with a proud smile.

John rolled his eyes playfully and wrapped his arm around me, "I love you." he whispered kissing my lips again.