Happiness For A Pessimist

John

I stared at the kids playing on the park set, god I must look like a pedophile. I sighed and looked away instead looking up to the sky. I couldn't tell everyone what was happening between Haven and I. What if Noel got so upset he called the cops and have me arrested for dating someone younger than me? Someone underage.

Even if that wasn't the case I wouldn't be able to do it. I'm John and I'm a completely straight guy. I like girls, I don't even know why I'm with Haven. He is rather girly, is that why I like him?

No I know I love him.

My phone rang loudly bringing me out of my thoughts. I reached for my cell phone and raised an eyebrow, Garrett hardly calls me. Of course unless it's a emergency. "What Garrett." I hissed.

"Y-you need to come to the hospital, oh god I don't know if he'll survive. H-he's l-lose a lot of b-blood John." he rushed out. "J-John h-he could d-die!"

"Garrett clam down." I yelled. "Now tell me who's in the hospital." I asked.

"H-haven."

"I'Ill b-be t-there." I whispered hanging up and hurrying to my car. I drove quickly to the hospital trying to stop my hands from shaking.

I got to the hospital and hurried into the emergency room waiting room where I spotted all my friends. "Where's Haven?" I asked in panic. "What happened to him?" I asked.

Garret looked up at me with puff red eyes and a damp face. "H-he t-tried to kill h-himself." he whispered. "He slit his w-wrist and h-he l-lost a bunch of b-blood." he explained.

"W-will h-he die?" I whispered softly feeling my heart rise to my throat. Tears began to sting at my eyes and I quickly wiped them away, I can't cry in public it's pathetic.

"Hopefully not." Kennedy whispered.

Hours passed in a thick silence between us. The only sounds heard were coming from everyone else in the waiting room, other patients and their families. Sounds of beeping and doors opening. Doctors talking and phone's ringing.

Slowly I was going insane. "Can I see him?" I asked breaking our silence.

"Not yet, their giving him a blood transfusion." Noel whispered.

We fell into another silence until we heard a man yelling at the nurse station. I glanced over seeing Haven's dad crying and screaming. "My son's in here! Let me see him." I watched carefully noticing the change in the man.

If he got the news his son tried to kill himself a month ago, he wouldn't of cared. I stood up and walked over to him, my hands stuffed deep in my pockets. "Excuse me." I whispered,

He turned to me with tears in his eyes, "John?" he questioned.

I nodded, "Haven's going through a blood transfusion. He slit his wrist." I told him.

He let out a few tears before breaking down completely. I watched as he tried to compose himself, but wasn't really succeeding. "Uh, sir." I said.

"I should of helped him." he cried. "This is all my fault."

"No sir, it's my fault." I whispered. "I got him upset. I'm sorry." I apologized.

Slowly his face turned red as his face scrunched together, "Get out!" he yelled. "I never want you near my son again!"

"B-but y-you can't." I whispered in disbelief. He can't take Haven from me like that.

"I have full authority over him and if you are the cause for this I will not allow you to see him." he said. "And that's final."

I held back my anger and pushed past him heading out the hospital and to my car. I took a deep breath and calmed myself down before driving home. I entered my house and ran straight into my bedroom slamming the door shut and locking the door. I walked into my bathroom and took out my razor blade I used for shaving.

I ripped it all apart and reached for the sharpest piece for slashing it across my wrist. I winced at the pain and stared at the blood that trickled out. I need to understand how Haven feels, I need to get inside his head for our sake.

I cleaned out my cut before throwing on a bunch of bracelets to cover it. I headed back into my room feeling calmer, cutting couldn't of possible calmed me down? Could it? I sighed and sat on my bed grabbing my phone and dialing Garrett's number.

"Gare?" I whispered. "How is he?"

"He's awake, watching me right now." Garrett said and I could see the small smile in his voice. I could picture Haven's large brown eyes staring up at Garrett holding such a large amount of innocence.

"C-can I t-talk to him?" I asked chewing on my lip.

"Let me ask him," Garrett said I could hear minimal talking until Garrett got back on, "He said no." Garrett informed me sadly. "Tell me what's going on between you two."

"I can't say. I'm sorry. Please just tell me if he continues to get better." I begged.

Garrett was silent for a moment before agreeing and hanging up. I glanced down at my wrist and stared at the cuts lining my wrist.

This is my only way of staying close to him, this is all for you Haven.