Happiness For A Pessimist

I watched as Garrett answered his phone, I looked up to him but couldn't really porcess what he was saying. He looked down to me and smiled softly, "Want to talk to John?" he asked softly.

I shook my head as my eyes widen. "No." I whispered. Garrett nodded and turned away from me as he continued his conversation. I stared down at my arms and picked at the bandage. "Gare." I whispered.

He looked over to me from his phone and gave me a smile, "Yeah?"

"How long do I have to be here?" I whispered looking back down to my sheets.

"Just a few days. Don't worry about it." he told me just as his phone rang. I watched as he exited the room leaving me alone. I glanced around the room my eyes scanning the plain white room.

Garrett came back in giving me a sad smile, "I need to go now Haven." he whispered sadly. "Your dad stopped by and said he went to your grandparents house and will be back tomorrow evening." he told me patting my hand.

Once Garrett was gone I was left all alone in the quiet room. I stared down at my arms with disgust. I could feel the tears bubbling up and wanting to spill over, but I refused to let them. Hours passed and I was still alone, it bothered me that no one was here. Not even Miles or Noel.

There was a knock at my door, I looked up to see John standing there. He stared at me with sad eyes as he walked in closing the door behind him. "Hey." he whispered standing next to me.

"I don't want you here." I whispered looking away from him.

"I came to apologize Haven." he whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't think you'd react this way."

"Are you ashamed of me?" I asked cutting him off.

"W-what no." he whispered. "I love you." he whispered.

"The why can't you tell anyone about us." I asked trying to remain calm.

"Because you are 15 and I am 20. Do you know how illegal that is." he hissed. He paused and ran his hands threw his hair. I noticed something though, something on his wrist.

"J-John." I whispered swallowing the lump forming in my throat. Please don't let it be what I think it is. "W-what's o-on your w-wrist?" I asked in a whisper.

John stared at me confused then he realized what I was talking about and pulled his sleeve up. He stared down at his wrist before showing me. I gasped and softly reached for his arm. I could feel my heart literally hurting as I traced over the bright red cuts in such perfect lines.

In a way I'm jealous he could make such perfect cuts, mine are never perfect.

"I'm sorry Haven, I just had to." John whispered sitting on the edge of my bed. "I-I n-need to understand you."

"So you cut yourself, because that's what I do?" I asked. He nodded and peeked over to me. "Don't you get it John, I don't do this for fun or to mess with people's heads. I do this b-because." I stopped and pressed my lips together. "Never mind."

"No tell me." John whispered. "Is it your dad? Our friends?" He asked. "Me?" He whispered.

"You should go." I told him.

"Please don't make me go Haven." he pleaded holding onto my hand. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "Please Haven."

"John, just go." I begged from him.

He nodded and walked toward the door. "John." I whispered. He turned me with a sad face. "Don't hurt yourself."