Happiness For A Pessimist

John and I walked through the street I stared down at my wrists running my fingers over my new tattoo. When my tattoo artist, Chris, asked my to roll up my sleeves I was a bit hesitant. Chris know's I cut myself, he found out when I got a tattoo on my rib cage which required me to take off my shirt. The first thing he noticed was the cuts tracing my stomach and hips. He asked about it and I gave him the full story thinking I'd never see him again, but little did I know he'd end up being my only friend in this hell hole.

So Chris wasn't much of a concern, it was John. I didn't want John knowing anything about me, about the thing's I've never stopped doing. "Your tattoo looks good." John said as we walked to a cafe to buy John some coffee.

"Thanks." I whispered. I was slightly nervous about walking about the streets at this time, almost late evening. People around town know me to be the whore and anyone could catch a glimpse at me and blow my cover. To John I'm still his innocent Haven who played the victim a few years back. Just as we were about to enter the shop I noticed one of my younger clients sitting near the window.

He was young, about 23 or so. He would easily tell John about the things I've done with him. "Can we go somewhere else." I begged pulling on John's sleeve.

"I heard this is the best coffee shop in town." John said looking into the shop. "Come on Haven." John added grabbing my hand and dragging me into the shop. I hid behind John as we entered the shop, I know that guy would notice me. He told me that night he'd never forget my face. I scratched at my cheek trying to provide some form of cover. "Haven your scratching your cheek to much it's turning red." John said removing my hand from my cheek.

John ordered his coffee and told me to find a table. I scanned the whole shop only finding a table right next to the guy's table. I cursed under my breath and reluctantly walked to the table taking a seat so that my back faced the man's face. "Well if it isn't Haven." the guy whispered his voice suddenly hitting my ear. I shivered slightly and moved away from him.

"Go away." I hissed pushing him away.

"Why? Are you on a date?" the guy asked running his fingers up and down my spine. I shuddered slightly and moved away from him. "What's wrong sweetheart?" he asked his lips curling up into smirk.

"Who's this?" John's voice suddenly pierced through the intimate moment the guy was having with me. John looked so lost, slightly confused as he stared between the guy and I.

"I'm Sean, one of Havens Fu-"

"Friends." I quickly said. I looked to Sean giving him a cold stare. "We're old friends, we don't see each other much anymore." I added glancing to Sean hoping he'd catch on and go along with me.

"If that's what he says, then yes, we're friends." Sean smirked sitting down next to me and taking my hand in his. I pulled away almost instantly and scooted my chair closer to John.

"So you've been friends with Haven since he left Arizona?" John asked taking a sip of his coffee, interested in what he's missed of life these past four years.

"He was in L.A for a bit, with a man named Griffin." Sean said. I looked up at him with completely shock. "How do you know that?" I asked staring at him.

"I read your diary." Sean smirked leaning back against his chair. I felt anger bubble in me as I lunged toward him trying to punch him.

"What the fuck you can't read that!" I screamed clawing at him.

"What, is Griffin a sensitive subject for you. Does it hurt you to think of him?" Sean asked.

My body went limp as I pulled myself off his body relaxing into John's embrace. John pulled me to my feet and lead my out the shop screaming at Sean to leave me alone. We walked down to street John mostly supporting me as he lead me to my apartment. Suddenly I felt numb, I felt lost like my mind and body weren't in sync. All my thoughts were occupied with Griffin. The things he did to me replayed in my mind. "John." I whimpered softly. "John don't leave me." I whispered suddenly paranoid Griffin was watching me, waiting for me to be alone until he came after me.

"I won't leave you Haven, I promise." John whispered kissing my forehead lightly.

Instead of taking me home John took me to his hotel room. He said it was best just in case Sean came looking for me in my apartment. I was sitting on John's bed staring dully at the tv in front of me. John was in the shower and I was patiently waiting for him. "Hey Haven." John said suddenly coming out the bathroom a towel hung loosely on his hips. I bite my lip and looked away from his slightly damp body, blushing.

"Yeah." I mumbled.

"I noticed something." John said as he got dressed. "And what's that?" I asked grabbing the remote and changing the channel.

"Why are people attacking you here, it's like you're well known and everyone's out to hurt you." John said sitting next to me.

"You don't want to know John." I sighed laying my head on his chest. Immediately he ran his fingers through my hair brushing the tangled mess. "You'll tell me when you're ready right?" he whispered quietly. I nodded softly and felt my eyes slipping shut until suddenly I was sleeping soundlessly.



"Haven sweetie, Haven wake up."

I opened my eyes and looked to John who was sitting across from me. "Hmm?" I hummed softly rubbing my eyes and sitting up. "W-what's happening?" I asked noticing John and the others had their stuff packed up all ready to go. I glanced to the clock noticing it was only 6 am.

"We need to go to our next venue, Tim said we have to leave now we can drop you off at your apartment." John whispered softly bringing me into his lap and running his fingers up and down my back.

"Please don't." I whimpered holding onto John's shirt tightly my face buried in his chest. "Don't l-leave." I whispered feeling tears prick my eyes.

"I have to Haven, we need to go." John mumbled lightly pushing me off him and standing up. I never noticed how much I depend on John and now that he's leaving I don't think I can continue to survive without him by my side. "Come on Haven let's go." John said taking my hand and leading me out the hotel picking up his bag first before continuing out. I stood next to John as he checked out then headed out to the bus. The sky was still dark and the street lights were on, it was cold out and I started to shiver from the cold. John noticed this and stopped walking pulling me back. He opened his bag and pulled out a taking back sunday hoodie. "Take that, you're cold." John whispered handing it to me and watching as I slipped it on.

After waiting near the bus for 15 minutes we finally got into the bus and the driver drove me to my place. The ride was silent, we were all sitting at the front of the bus. I could tell they were dying to ask me something but were hesitant to. Finally the bus stopped and I glanced out the window. "I better go." I mumbled standing up and heading to the exit. John followed me taking my hand in his and walking with me up to my apartment door. "I guess this is it." John whispered softly.

"I'm sorry John." I whispered quietly. "I'm sorry I left you and I'm sorry for everything." I said quickly opening my door and slipping in. I closed the door behind me and headed to my window where I could see the Maine's bus parked along the street. I turned away and closed the curtains before crawling into my bed wishing I could just take everything back.