Second Chance

“Gabrielle don’t say that!” Remus whispered urgently looking deep into my eyes. I could only stare blankly back at him.

“I’m sorry Remus; I just can’t do this anymore.” I whispered staring down at my hands.

Remus took my hands in his. My hands looked so small compared to his. His fingers where rough with callouses as he gently stroked my hands as he tried to think of something to say.

I gave a sardonic laugh, “Why couldn’t I have done the smart thing and fell in love with you instead?”

Remus gave me a tearful smile, “Just wasn’t in the cards for us sweetheart.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and breathed in his comforting smell of tea and tree bark. Remus was always a special friend to me. I could always go to him with my problems; he was always a support system for me when no one else could. I thought back to school. I could never talk seriously with James or Peter and there were just certain things I couldn’t talk to Lily about, especially when it was about her negative thoughts of me dating Sirius. She never approved until she started dating James in our seventh year, and even then there are just something’s you just needed a male perspective on, and that is where Remus came in to the picture. Remus was my best friend. I would not change that relationship for anything…even the heartache I was feeling now.

“I wouldn’t change what we have for anything Remus….even if it would have made my life easier.” I finished with a sad smile.

“Neither would I sweetheart. Come let’s get to my place and have some tea.”

I nodded my head and grabbed the bag Remus had dropped to the floor. I flicked my wand and a few random things tucked themselves neatly into the bag. I grabbed his hand as he apparated us to his modest flat, he sat us both at the small circle table and brewed tea.

“What is with you thinking tea is always the answer to the world’s problems? Something is wrong? Here have a cup of tea!” I said mockingly staring into the bottom of my cup.

Remus chuckled taking a drink of his tea. “Tea has natural soothing properties and your snide comments are back which means you’re feeling better. Yes?”

I rolled my eyes, “Yes…Insufferable know it all.” I whispered.

Remus’ deep laughter filled the small room, “You are feeling better.”

I smiled at him from across the table, “You always make me feel better Remmy….Sorry I always come to you with my problems…but you always know the right things to say.”

He smiled back at me, “You know I wouldn’t have it any other way right?”

I nodded, “I suppose, I just feel as if I’m always loading you up with my issues.”

“That’s why I’m here.”

I gave a deep sigh, “What am I going to do when you go to work?”

“Write to me every day?”

I laughed, “You know you’ll get sick of me!”

I watched as he shook his head in amusement, “You know Gabby if I was sick of you I’d move away and never tell you where to find me.”

I gave a loud laugh thinking of a snide comment to make, “Oh! So that’s why you disappear for weeks at a time! You’re taking a break from me.”

Remus smirked across the table at me twirling the contents of his cup slowly. “So…you have finally figured me out huh?”

Suddenly my thoughts went to a dark place. What would I do without Remus? I started thinking about Sirius. Would he come after me? Should I really be afraid of him? I still held onto the small hope that he really did love me and for all the terrible things he had done, I still clung to the thought that through it all, he really did love me and he would never do a thing to hurt me. Remus being who he was gave a deep sigh as he took in the look on my face.

“You’re thinking about him again.”

I sighed, “Yeah…You know I can’t lie to you…ever. I’ve been dreaming about him again.”

“Gabrielle…”

“I know, I know! It does me no good dwelling on the past, but I can’t help what I dream about Remus!”

“I know you can’t Gabby…”

“So don’t look at me like that!” I interrupted “It’s just that…I know he’s done terrible things but I still can’t…hope that he still loved me through it all and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I know, Remus, I know, it’s a long shot, but I still think that even with me here, he’ll still find me.”

I could not stand the look Remus was giving me at that moment. It was a look of pity. Anger boiled in my veins under that stare. I slammed my teacup on the table, giving Remus a death glare as I went and stormed out of the room and into the guest room that had been dubbed my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

I passed back and forth through the small room. How dare he look at me that way! What the hell did he know? He never loved anyone, he couldn’t possible know what I was going through! How dare he even think he knew! Sirius was his friend nothing more! I slept with the man! I knew more about Sirius than anyone else! Remus had no right to pity me! I did not need anyone’s pity!

Right at that moment, I had made up my mind. I would play the part and as soon as Remus left for Hogwarts, I would go back to my flat and if Sirius found me so be it! I would take whatever was thrown at me and I didn’t need Remus to protect me!