Nothing lasts foREVer

Jeffrey had called me to schedule my first photo shoot, which would take place in a couple of days. Jimmy was not happy about it, but he kept hoping that after that first shoot I would give up on the idea of paying up my studies through modeling. Val agreed to go along too so she could keep an eye on Jimmy. It had been a week since I had arrived to the States… I had been running through my father’s letters while the guys rehearsed or talked about ideas for the new album, Jimmy would insist in dragging me along when I was not in college. They had been invited to go on the Vans Warped Tour, which would last about two months… They were so excited that they’d spent all their spare time rehearsing.
We were at Matt’s improvised studio and I was comfortably lodged on Matt’s couch reading some old letters when I found one of my father’s songs to me. Reading the lyrics was almost like I could hear him singing that song to me, like he used to do every single time he went on a trip… he would hug me tightly in his arms and sing quietly near my ear before he left. Without even realizing it, tears started streaming down my cheeks as I relived those moments in my mind.

“Baby? Are you ok?”, Jimmy reached me with a worried look on his face.

“Yeah…It’s just that I found one of my father’s songs! The one he used to sing to me as goodbye…”, I looked up at him and half smiled.

“Can I see it?”, Brian asked me.

“Sure…”, I handed him the lyrics and the guitar tab.

Brian looked at it, smiled and began to string some chords on his guitar, humming along… Zacky soon grabbed his own guitar to join Brian and Matt reached us looking over Brian to see the lyrics before he started to sing along with the guitars. They were playing and singing to me my father’s song while Jimmy held me in his arms:

“Well I want you to notice
To notice when I’m not around
And I know that your eyes see straight through me
And speak to me without a sound

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

When I walked out this morning
I cried as I walked to the door
I cried about how long I'd be away for
I cried about leaving you all alone

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

Sweet Katherine… Sweet Katherine

So I wanted to say this
Cuz I wouldn't know where to begin
To explain to you what I have been through
To explain where your daddy has been

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

Sweet Katherine… Sweet Katherine”

“Your father really loved you, Cat…”, Brian said to me.

“Yeah, well… He loved me so much he took his own life! I really don’t know if I’ll be able to overcome something like this if it ever happens again with someone I love! It’s just too much too handle!”, I replied as tears kept streaming down my face.

“Don’t worry, baby! It won’t happen again, you won’t have to go through all that again… And even if you do, I’ll be right here next to you!”, Jimmy comforted me, holding me even closer, rocking me back and forth trying to calm me down.

“I know, baby!”, I relaxed against him as he kept rocking me back and forth.

“Maybe we should call it for today, guys…”, Jimmy tried to end the rehearsal.

“No! Please… Go practice! I’ll be here watching you guys play… Besides, Val and Chelle will be here in no more than half an hour…”, I wouldn’t lock myself in my bedroom every time I thought about my dad.

“Are you sure, babe?”, he asked worriedly.

“I’m sure, babe… Don’t worry so much! I’m fine…”, I assured him. I wasn’t fine, but I was trying to deal with it for the first time in over a year and half. I hadn’t freed myself from my guilty conscious yet, and I probably never would, but I was learning how to live with it thanks to Jimmy.

As I expected, Val and Chelle showed up shortly after… They kept me entertained while the guys practiced.

“Are you ready for your first photo shoot the day after tomorrow?”, Val asked smiling.

“I don’t know! What if I’m no good for it? What if I don’t connect with the camera? I’ll know once I start it, I guess! Jimmy is not happy about it… He keeps hoping I just let go of the idea!”, I sighed as I watched him play the drums.

“I’ll handle Jimmy… Don’t worry about him! If Jeffrey thinks you have potential it’s because you do! He’s one of the best photographers there is! You’re going to do great… I’m actually excited to see your shooting!”, Val said cheerfully.

“I’m feeling left out! I should go too!”, Michelle whined.

“I’m sorry, Chelle! I should have thought about you… I can call Jeffrey and warn him you’re coming along too!”, I apologized.

“Really? Would you do that for me?”, she asked excitedly.

“Of course I would! I’ll let him know you’re coming too!”, I smiled at her.

“What are you girls up to?”, Jimmy asked as he reached us and took a seat between me and Val.

“We were just talking about Cat’s first photo shoot! I’m coming along too!”, Michelle answered excitedly.

“The photo shoot, huh? Is everyone but me excited about that damned photo shoot?”, he sighed.

“Why shouldn’t we be? It’s a great opportunity for her!”, Michelle replied.

“There is no need for her to be modeling! I can pay for her college…”

“We already talked about this, James! You don’t have the money either and even if you did you know what I think about it! Lets not fight over this again, okay?”, I scolded.

We didn’t even talk about the photo shoot anymore… I talked to Jeffrey about taking Chelle to the photo shoot and he ended up agreeing with it. When the day came, Val and Chelle were at our doorstep first thing in the morning!

“Why aren’t you ready yet?”, Michelle asked impatiently as I opened the door still on my pajama.

“What the fuck are you girls doing here at eight in the fucking morning?”, I asked grumpily.

“Photo shoot? Rings a bell?”, Chelle replied condescendingly.

“I know! But I could have stayed in bed at least one more hour, snuggling close to my man! You better not wake him up! He got pretty much wasted last night, he’ll have a massive headache when he wakes up!”, I warned them keeping my voice low.

“Why the hell did he get shitfaced the day before your first shooting?”, Val asked shaking her head disbelievingly.

“Keep it low, Val! I guess he was just trying to get his mind off what he’ll be assisting today! He kept asking me to give up the idea! You should talk to him, Val… It’s like he’s afraid I might leave him if keep this modeling thing! I don’t really know what’s on his mind…”

“Cat?”, Jimmy called out for me from our bedroom.

“I’m downstairs with the girls, babe! I’ll be there in a minute…”, I answered.

“I’ll talk to him, Cat! Don’t worry about it! You better find some pills to ease his hangover…”, Val suggested.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen counter and I flew up the stairs as the twins made themselves comfortable onto the black leather couch. I walked inside the bedroom and made my way to the private bathroom, earning an inquisitive glare from Jimmy. I opened the medicine cabinet and poured two Advil pills on my hand and blurred back to the bedroom, sitting at the edge of the bed next to Jimmy.

“They’re already here? It’s eight in the fucking morning! They sure are excited for this!”, he said scornfully as he took the two pills in my hand and swallowed them.

I breathed in deeply with my eyes closed, trying to control myself and don’t pick a fight, I sighed heavily. “I’m going to prepare us some breakfast! Meet me in the kitchen…”, I got up from the bed, ready to leave the room but he got a hold on my wrist.

“Are you mad at me, baby?”, he asked sheepishly.

“I’m not mad… I just don’t want to fight over this anymore, Jim! You’re trying to pick a fight with those constant sarcastic remarks! I just don’t wanna fight! That’s all we’ve been doing since I told you I’d be modeling to pay for college! I don’t know what’s gotten into you… I want to be with you! That’s one of the main reasons I took this opportunity! I won’t be bound to a daily schedule like I would have if I were to work at a bar or something like it! I’ll be assisting all the classes next year, Jim! Modeling pays me good money and I’ll have more time to be with you!”, I sighed as I freed my wrist from his hold. “Meet me downstairs when you’re ready…”, I left the bedroom and made my way to the kitchen.

Val and Chelle saw me walking towards the kitchen and tried to join me, but stopped on their tracks when I shook my head when they stood up from the couch. I prepared some coffee and some toasts. As I was about to spread some butter on my toast I felt two arms snaked around my middle and a familiar set of lips attached to my neck.

“Will you join me in the shower?”, he whispered to my ear. “You’re right, baby, you’re always right! I’ve been acting like a dick! I’m sorry… I promise I’ll behave today!”

“Just have a little faith in me!”, I turned in his arms only to meet his bare chest. I tipped on my toes and pecked his lips. “That’s all I’m asking! I love you, Jimmy!”

We ate our breakfast, Val and Chelle joined us in the kitchen and Jimmy and I showered together afterwards. We arrived at the photo shoot set fifteen minutes earlier… Someone guided me to the make-up/dressing room where I did as I was told. I was relieved that my clothes weren’t showing off too much skin because I knew Jimmy would freak out if they were. Jeffrey was talking to Jimmy when I arrived at the set, they were being civilized with each other, at least! Jimmy stood by Jeffrey as Jeffrey told me how I should pose and how he wanted me or what he wanted me to express to the camera… Val and Chelle were observing the whole process and talking with each other. Every time any of them exchanged glances with me they’d show me thumbs up to let me know I was doing good. After three hours of shooting, Jeffrey finally called it off claiming he had all the material he would need for now. Jimmy was walking towards me with what seemed to be a smile plastered across his face. Could it be?

“You were amazing, babe! The camera loves you! Jeffrey got some pretty hot pics!”, Jimmy said softly as he pecked my lips.