No Happily Ever After

I listened vaguely to the sounds of shouts, yells and the door slam at 1am the next day. Jack and Zack fought ruthlessly every time they saw each other, and every time Zack mentioned my name, Jack would remain silent.
It hurt.
‘Baby, just say the word when you want to go home.’ Kara wrapped her arms around me.
‘Its fine, I like it here.’ I lied. Everyday, I was reminded bitterly of Jack and a relationship we’d let crumble. But regardless of my feelings, Alex and Lisa lingered as a happy couple, smiles on their faces 24/7.
‘Ella?’ Zack peeked in cautiously.
‘Hey, Zack.’ I smiled weakly, and tried in vain to clear up the mass of tissues Kara and I had used up romanticising over the memories Jack and I had shared.
‘How’re you?’’
‘I’m fine.’ I chuckled, shifting over so there was space for him to sit with us. Lisa and Alex were out on a ‘date’ so it didn’t feel a bit strange to have Zack sitting next to me, with the warmth of his arm on my skin and his hand brushing against my thigh, sending a shiver of delight up my spine every time it moved.
I wrapped my arms around my knees, clutching them desperately to my chest.
‘Really? You both look like you’re dying.’
‘Thanks, Merrick.’ Kara scowled but then laughed, the sound so obviously forced it hurt.
I felt the same way.
‘Anytime, Kara.’ He grinned at her and she smiled back automatically, before jumping up.
‘I’ve gotta go, guys. Rian wants me.’ She ran out before either of us could protest, leaving us in an awkward atmosphere of tension.
‘So…’ I tried to lighten the mood, but Zack folded his arms. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Can I ask you a favour?’
‘Anything.’
‘I need to get back home. Except I can’t go alone.’
‘Why not?’
He shuffled awkwardly. ‘You know those songs I wrote? I need a singer.’
‘How come?’ I frowned. He could do perfectly well without a singer. Obviously, he couldn’t take Alex but…
‘I entered a talent competition.’ He mumbled, blushing furiously. My own face turned tomato, but I covered it up by trying to sound excited.
‘Really? Zack, you’ve got to go!’ I squealed through my fingers.
‘I can’t go alone.’ He shrugged. ‘I thought you might want to go to get away from…’
My eyes filled with tears, and Zack wiped them away before I could.
‘Ella, he needs to mature, just a bit more. And then he’ll be coming back for you, I promise.’
‘I trusted him so much, and now… I never thought this would happen.’ I chuckled weakly, resting my head on his shoulder. ‘We haven’t even broken up but I feel so… Alone.’
‘You have me.’ He mumbled into my hair. I ignored this, and got up. His hand grabbed my wrist but I jerked away before running down to Rian. I needed to see Jack and I needed to know his feelings.
‘Rian, where’s Jack?’
‘Uh, back garden. Why?’ He jerked his thumb over to the back door and I sprinted out before he could say anything else.
Jack sat there, his back to me, his shirt off and letting a horrible downpour of rain fall onto him. I noticed the bottles of alcohol spilling around his feet, and immediately felt resentment for the way I’d acted. I just wanted him to be happy, but my own feelings had taken over.
‘Jack?’ I mumbled, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my head to his bare back. He made no effort to move.
‘What?’
‘Face me.’ My voice steely, I grabbed his shoulders and whirled him over. ‘Talk to me.’ He said nothing. ‘Or it’s over, Jack, I swear. It’ll be over.’
‘Doesn’t Zack talk to you enough for everyone else?’ His voice bitter, his expression unreadable and hidden by a wet curtain of black-brown hair, I felt sorry for him, and for myself. We’d been a couple, a joint couple of two people prepared to spend our lives together, and I’d done nothing but push him aside.
‘Zack has nothing to do with this. It’s about me and you, Jack.’ I muttered, the rain throbbing against my skin.
‘Zack has everything to do with it. You’d rather be with him than with me.’
‘Don’t be stupid. I’m here now, aren’t I?’
‘Did Zack kick you out?’ His arms wrapped around my waist, and I pulled away.
‘If you’re jealous, Jack, then just say it. I hate this wall you’ve started hiding behind. I try so hard to break it, but you push back by bringing Zack into everything. Why, Jack? Don’t you love me? What do you think when you see me? Because when I see you, I see the guy who made me forget all my pain, who made me fall in love, who made me the happiest girl in the world. But I’m not prepared to be the reason for your unhappiness.’ I rested my head on his shoulder and then pulled away again quickly. ‘I’m sorry… But right now, I don’t know how I feel. I want out.’
‘Don’t I get a say in this?’
‘You made it clear you didn’t care about me yesterday, Jack. You made it perfectly clear.’
He reached out for me, but I danced from his grip and ran inside. My heart felt viciously torn in two, my body was numb with cold and I wanted someone to hug me. Kara got up as I walked through the lounge, but I shook her off. Zack was still sitting on the bed, and I immediately launched myself at him, sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder. Zack left me for a second, and grabbed his guitar from his room. I leant on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around shoulders and listening to him sing.
I wasn’t sure what he was singing, but I got the gist of the song. Unhappily, I crawled under the bedcovers, and Zack joined me, our bodies pressed together. It felt nice to have someone hold me, to wipe away my tears and to stop any doubt washing over me from taking control.
‘Zack?’
‘Yes?’
‘You’re amazing.’

‘Have you got everything?’ I zipped up my jacket at 2am, desperate to sneak out and go home. Zack came over, carrying our bags and placed them by the door.
‘I left a note.’ He shrugged. ‘Hopefully they’re not too mad.’
‘When’s our flight?’ I slipped my hand into his and he squeezed it.
‘In about an hour. Let’s go.’
He unlocked the door, and as soon as we were outside, locked it before sliding the key through the letterbox. A waiting taxi stood proudly by the sidewalk, and I threw myself in. Zack squeezed in next to me, laughing with elation. I grinned and rested my head onto his shoulder whilst zipping my belt up.
By the time we were in the air, I expected Kara to have found our note. She woke up at half 3 every day to train, and I imagined her turmoil when no-one knew where we went.
Escaping was fun.
For the first time in 2 weeks, I forgot about Jack. It was like a weight I was dragging around, this feeling of guilt and unhappiness. Nothing made me forget the conversation in the rain, and nothing made me forget the day I’d met Jack. I just wanted him to love me again, to be happy with or without me, and for once, I just wanted to die, merely to escape my feelings.
I was asleep for most of the journey, only waking from a dreamless slumber when Zack shook my shoulder.
‘We’re home.’
The way he said it made it sound like we were truly home.

‘This place is dead at night.’ I shuddered as Zack fumbled with the door and shoved our things into his room.
‘Tell me about it.’ He sighed. ‘We’re going to the talent show though. It starts at 9.’
‘Right, okay.’ It was 6, but according to Zack, we had to get there early.
‘What should we play?’
‘A Daydream Away.’
‘Can I tell Alex?’
‘That we’re home? Heck n-‘
‘I meant, tell him to watch the show when it’s broadcasted. I want him and Jack to see something.’
‘Ok.’
He drove in silence whilst I quickly texted Alex to watch ‘Stars in Hiding’ at 10am.
‘How long is it?’ I peeled off my coat to reveal the navy dress and black tights I’d worn when I’d started dating Jack. I eerily tried to ignore that fact as I interpreted Zack’s answer.
‘In 15 minutes now.’ He smiled. ‘We’ll do great.’
He was quiet for the rest of the journey, refusing to answer even the simplest of questions.
‘Faggot.’ I mumbled, before getting out the car with him. He grabbed my hand and pulled me close, and I gratefully squished next to him, not wanting to lose him in this crowd. We were at the end of an enormous line of people holding guitars and microphones, CDs, and even some holding keyboards and giant harps, obviously struggling to move with them.
‘Gosh, look at all these people.’ I mumbled as Zack buried his face in my hair. I automatically moved closer and tried to ignore the stares and titters from the crowd around us. After all, Zack was famous. Girls stared enviously at me as my arms hugged him to me, and once or twice, we both had to sign autographs.
‘Aren’t you dating Jack Barakat?’
A fan with dark hair, the quiet one who hadn’t asked for anything, frowned at the intimacy we shared. I blushed, and then looked at her in the eye.
‘That’s for Jack to decide, and until he does, I am Zack’s friend.’
Zack stepped closer protectively.
‘It’s just you’ve moved on a bit fast, don’t you think?’ She continued ruthlessly. ‘Jack was right when he broke up with you – you’re such a whore.’
The words stung. ‘I’m not anything like a whore.’
‘I bet you’ve kissed Zack.’
‘I have not!’
Zack cleared his throat. ‘If you’re a fan, why are you harassing members of All Time Low? No fan would do that.’
‘Fan or not, I’m just looking out for Jack.’ She retorted before storming away, her feed thudding against the tarmac.
‘I’m so sorry, Ella.’ Zack buried his face in my hair and I smiled.
‘It’s okay. You didn’t do anything, remember?’
‘I wish we had nicer fans.’
‘Zack Merrick, you have wonderful fans.’ I smiled and forced him to look at me. ‘Let’s do this. What are we singing?’
‘A Daydream Away.’ He shrugged. ‘You’re good at that one.’
I winced. A Daydream Away was a love song, and I wasn’t prepared to sing about something I’d lost just a few weeks ago.
By the time we’d signed our names and filled in a few forms, at about 8am, Zack and I were given a small green card with our names printed on it with the number 30. I smiled. Each performance had to last 5 minutes, which meant at 9am, when Alex and hopefully the rest of the guys, we’d perform.
Too nervous, I jumped up and walked quickly into the ladies dressing room. I had no spare clothes, having left all of them at home and no make up; not to worry for racks and racks of stage clothes spilled out towards the end wall and the entire counter was covered in make up and cosmetics. Determined to take advantage of the surprisingly empty bright pink room, I ran over and softly brushed dark mascara over my lashes, careful to apply tastefully but not unfashionably. I sifted through the clothes, but found nothing that would fit my tall and slender frame. Anxiously, I bit my lip and stared at my reflection.
My almond coloured eyes stared back with distaste. My hair still fell in a tangled but softer mane of golden hair to my shoulders, and my slightly full lips were curled into a frowned expression. My eyebrows, threaded to perfection, only accentuated the grimace pinned in what seemed like a permanent state to my face. My jacket fell open, revealing my out of proportioned body; my long legs, bigger than average feet and long arms. I felt awkward and ugly.
‘Are you okay?’
I turned to the girl standing next to me. She was about my age, except shorter, with an enviable petite frame, pale gold hair, and hazel eyes. I smiled weakly, and slumped into my seat.
‘Not in the slightest.’
‘What’s wrong? Nerves? It’ll be fine once you’re out there.’
‘Not nerves.’ I mumbled, burying my face in my hands. She hitched herself onto one of the chairs and stared at me with large eyes.
‘What’s wrong then?’ She asked, obviously concerned.
‘I broke up with my boyfriend recently.’
‘What happened?’ No sympathy, no hugs, just a polite but still inquisitive sentence.
‘We… Didn’t talk anymore. I hung out with his best friend, and instead of talking to me about it, he started giving girls his number, and going out getting drunk and probably high.’
‘Did you talk to him?’
‘I’ve tried, hundreds of times.’ I exaggerated. I’d asked him a few times, but mainly shied away because confrontations usually led to fights and upset nights alone.
‘You should’ve.’ She frowned. ‘He needs to grow up, but so do you.’
‘Pardon?’
‘What I’m trying to say is; you should’ve spoken to him. You can’t sit here feeling sorry for yourself – you’ve got to realise you’re to blame too.’ She shrugged. ‘I’m Olivia, by the way.’ She stuck her hand out and I shook it gingerly.
‘I guess…’
‘I bet you know.’ She laughed, all seriousness gone. ‘Who are you here with?’
‘The best friend.’ I smiled weakly.
‘Oh gosh. Your ex won’t be happy about that.’ She chuckled. ‘I guess I’ll see you. Good luck!’ Olivia sauntered off in the direction of the exit, and I smiled back.
‘Good luck to you too!’ I called, waving madly. I noticed Zack on the phone, and with shaking legs, and crawled onto the seat next to him.
‘Your eyes look nice.’ He smiled nervously.
‘Thanks.’ I returned the smile falsely, and then checked my phone. The flashing red light signalled a new message and I opened it.
‘Is that where you two went? To audition for some dumb show?’
I bit my lip. ‘Alex is mad.’
‘Alex would be. I’m more worried about Rian. If he’s mad, the others will hate us.’
‘They’ll forgive us eventually.’
‘Or we’ll get kicked out.’
‘You can live with me and my mom.’ I offered.
He laughed. ‘I’d probably kill her.’
‘True. We could get an apartment, and not ever go out.’
‘What would we do all day though? You’re pretty boring.’
We blushed scarlet as the meaning of his words sunk in. I chuckled to clear the tension. ‘I know, you didn’t mean it like that. Don’t worry.’
‘Oh, thank God.’ He laughed, the oddly high pitched sound merely fuelling my anxiety.
‘Number 28.’
I shuddered as the group made their way on stage. ‘We’re going to be on TV.’
‘Alex and Jack will be watching; just focus on that.’
‘Thanks.’
We chatted briefly about the upcoming New Years, but when our number was called, my palms started sweating and my face turned a sickly shade of green.
‘Good luck!’ Olivia cried out, waving eagerly. I smiled back, and Zack, with guitar in hand, led me to the stage.
‘And coming on stage is Zack Merrick, bassist of All Time Low and Ella Dawson!’ A voice out of nowhere thundered the words to a screaming audience.
I took my seat in the spotlight, accepting the microphone with shaking fingers and looking into the crowd.
The first thing I noticed was Jack sitting in the front row, a prominent banner with scrawled words in his hands, cheering me one. Our eyes met, and he mouthed three words to me.
‘I love you.’