No Happily Ever After

I blinked, pinched myself, and even tried falling off the stool just to be sure this wasn’t a dream. A smile lit my face, and my hand drifted to my cheek.
Zack started with the opening chords, and I held the microphone to hover it below my lips, singing naturally, focusing only on Jack.
The crowd was silent all through, listening to my voice and Zack’s guitar. Taken aback, I realised. Was this how All Time Low felt every time they performed?
It was a nice feeling; a tugging sensation in my stomach but at the same time, the perfect feeling of having pleased someone neutralised anything unpleasant.
Even when the presenter boomed the next number, I sat there frozen by the sight of Jack. Zack touched my arm briefly, trying to see what I was seeing and it was as if his touch sparked a reaction. I ran excitedly down the stage and straight into Jack’s waiting arms. He lifted me, my legs wrapped around his waist, lifting me higher, our lips inches apart and pondering. We leaned in and then something touched my shoulder. I turned quickly, now fazed from the perfect moment, and saw Zack waiting.
‘We have to go backstage.’
I opened my mouth to speak; only he’d gone. I struggled out of Jack’s arms and ran after Zack.
‘Zack!’
‘Yeah?’
‘You’re not angry with me?’
‘Nope. Angry with Jack, but not with you. You’re perfect.’
I wrapped my arms around him. ‘Thank you, Zack. You’re the best friend I could ever have.’
He grinned and rubbed his nose affectionately with mine, until Olivia tore me away.
‘You were amazing!’ She squealed. ‘I didn’t even know your name – but you’re dating Jack Barakat. I saw you run out to him in the audience.’
I laughed. ‘We broke up, remember?’ I was still clutching Zack and he had both his arms wound tightly around me.
‘Oh.’ She shrugged. ‘You guys were great though.’ She sprinted off to God knows where.
‘Did you hear that?’ I shrieked loudly. Several people turned to stare at us but I ignored them. ‘We were great, Zack!’
‘You were great.’ He amended, pressing me to him. We were still holding each other in a tight embrace, desperate never to let go, and for the first time, I realised how obviously a couple we looked. I blushed, but then amended. I loved him. He made me feel happy – not like Jack, but enough to make me occasionally forget my sorrows. True enough, I’d almost forgotten Jack when we were singing, with just his banner and face to remind me of his presence.
We sprung apart when the motion for everyone to get on stage came up, and walked together onto the stage. The group of contestants, with many spilling off of the stage and onto the floor, stood anxiously fidgeting. I fumbled with the edge of my skirt and gave a quick wave to the guys sitting together. Alex waved, his arm wrapped around Lisa’s shoulders. When all was quiet she screamed out our names. I laughed and Zack wrapped his arm around my waist. I wrapped my own arms around him from the side and stood, awaiting the results.
‘And the winner is… Ella Dawson and Zack Merrick.’
I screamed, feeling like a fool for doing so immediately afterwards, and as Zack dragged me to grab the award, I waved madly to the members of All Time Low. Rian and Kara waved back encouragingly, and Alex blew a bunch of kisses in our direction. I noticed a girl with long brown hair sitting with them, and wondered who she was. Her eyes were focused on mine and Zack’s entwined hands, and I looked at them guiltily. The guilt disappeared when I held the award, shaking it above our heads with him.
Bombarded with press, mainly asking about Zack and I’s relationship, I had no chance to notice the girl with brown hair glide over to us. It was only when Zack gasped that I realised she knew him.
‘Hannah!’
‘Zack.’ She murmured in a steely voice. ‘Did you forget me?’ Her eyes met mine and I saw a glimmer of hatred in her pupils.
‘Nope.’ He ran his fingers through his hair, a habit he adopted when he was lying. I tried to cover my giggles, and when I failed, he grinned at me.
‘Who’s this?’
‘This is Ella, my friend.’
‘Oh. It’s nice to see you though.’ Her arms were crossed and then she moved in to hug him. He avoided the hug by wrapping his arms around me and I shot her an apologetic look. She scowled at me before marching off.
‘Who was that?’ I asked under my breath as we escaped the press.
‘Hannah. My ex from high school. It was hell.’ He shrugged. ‘Lots of bad memories… Cheating on both of our tabs, arguments, tons of wild kissing… It was so messed up. One minute she’d be screaming and the next she’d be trying to yank my clothes off. And don’t look at me like that; she was like this all the time. It wasn’t a monthly thing… She was legitimately crazy.’ He laughed nervously.
‘Tell me the truth, Zack.’
‘She got jealous when I met the guys, and asked me why we didn’t spend time together. I told her I didn’t love her, so she started crying and when I told her I still loved her, she wanted to pretend nothing happened. So I did as she said, but the next day she was all over someone else. When I dumped her, she started wearing all black and her hair just went pin straight, and she hasn’t changed. She’s still 15 years old inside, never moving on.’ He chuckled weakly. ‘She wasn’t my first love, but the only girl apart from you to keep me on my toes constantly.’
‘Sounds insane.’ I smiled. I had no idea Zack had any romantic past.
Alex had brought it up; the fact he’d never had a girlfriend, but I’d never thought he might have hid the fact he’d had several from his best friends. From a life without All Time Low, perhaps such things weren’t really needed.
‘What about you? Any crazy ex’s?’
‘None at all. No ex’s except for Jack.’ I smiled as we laced fingers and made our way to the car where Alex, Jack, Rian, Kara and Lisa were waiting.
They were waiting there, with bottles of champagne and alcohol, cheering. Lisa hugged me.
‘I won’t take offence. Alex asked me to move in, and so in I move!’ She whispered.
‘That’s such good news!’ I squealed.
‘I can’t believe you won. You were crap.’ Rian joked, loping his arm around Zack’s shoulders. ‘I kid, you guys were awesome. Well done.’
‘Thanks, Rian.’ I smiled. ‘Who’s ready for some alcohol?’ I shrieked, cheering with the rest of them. I got into Zack’s car, not looking at Jack, and twitched anxiously throughout the entire journey. By the time we got to Jack’s, I noticed our bags joined with others, fading into the midst of drab colour.
Jack poured me some champagne, and I smiled briefly, before sitting with Zack. When the opportunity to slow dance came, he grabbed me and whirled me by my waist, leaving Jack sitting by himself. I laughed, and finally, we started dancing seriously. Our lips were inches apart, our hands clasped together and our body flush joined together. My lips grazed behind his ear, careful to hide it from Jack, and as I wrapped my arms around his neck, I placed kisses all over. Jack was out of view now, which meant he couldn’t see me, so I took advantage of the moment and started dancing again.
When the song ended we slid onto the sofa, falling hopelessly against each other like teenagers.
‘You’re so beautiful, Ella.’
‘Thanks.’ I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder.
We linked hands, murmuring softly to each other in a drunken daze, unaware of Jack sitting with us. My legs were in Zack’s lap, my arms around his neck, but at the same time I was leaning uncomfortably against my former boyfriend. I shifted so we were no longer touching, but his arm slid around my waist.
I felt trapped.
I wanted desperately to just try being with Zack, but Jack was holding me back. I guess somewhere deep down, I knew he had my heart, but just to try with Zack was all I wanted. To see if he could treat me better, because I could forget Jack if I was treated right.
‘Let’s ditch this place.’ I suggested.
Zack lifted me with superman strength, and carried me into the kitchen, popping me onto the counter. I swung my legs, and he stood running his fingers through his hair.
‘I think we’ve annoyed Jack.’
‘Who cares about Jack?’ Jack replied, getting something from the fridge. ‘Obviously not you guys.’
We were chatting in the kitchen after he left, until the familiar scent of weed clogged our nostrils. I remembered this scent from touring, and hated it.
‘Who’s got the weed?’ I choked, desperate to get some real air.
I noticed Jack puffing on something and tried to take it from him. ‘Get away, Ella.’ He yelled, pushing me. I landed on Alex, who helped me up.
‘Alex, help, please.’
‘What?’ He squinted, obviously drunk. Realising the hopeless case, I grabbed the object from his head and stamped on it.
‘Jack, what is wrong with you?’ I whispered, trying to take his hand.
He pushed me away and I got up to walk out. I noticed Alex and Lisa make their way upstairs only half dressed and tried to ignore how a celebratory outing had turned out to be a drunken, drugged craze.
Zack was drinking a glass of what I assumed was water, and I walked over to him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and his nose pressed against mine. Giggling I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him for a few seconds, before kissing him quickly, and full on his slightly parted lips. His hands skimmed my arms before resting on the small of my back, crushing me against him. My hands reached out to run through his hair and pulling away for breath, I pressed my lips to his cheek. It felt totally right, but totally wrong to be here with him.
He grabbed my wrists with one hand, disabling the use of my hands, and kissed me again. It was nice, the feeling of his body pressed against mine, our toes touching gently, our hands warming each other and the feeling that we didn’t have to be alone.
‘Zack, we … we can’t.’ I mumbled, pulling away. I waited until I was alone in Jack’s room before wiping my mouth.
It was a nice experience… But I loved Jack. And no way would I-
‘Ella?’
‘Zack, I need to be alone.’
‘I know. It’s just… You can’t let Jack hold you back.’
‘Zack.’
‘Jeesh! I’m going.’
I closed the door, hugging my knees and leaning against it.
What had I done?
I was still in love with Jack, but a part of me suspected that I was in love with Zack too. I needed to get away.
I needed Cris. I needed Spencer. I needed my old life back before I forgot about it.
It was only 6pm so Cris would be awake. And she’d be a few days from giving birth now.
I ran out, ignoring Jack’s yells, and ran down the street with no coat and shoes. My feet thudded across the sidewalk, and rocks made small indents on my feet. I felt blood trickle from my ankle for whatever reason and my hair fly across my face and ignored it. Cris didn’t live far; I could do this.
‘Cris!’ I shrieked, banging my fist on the door. There was no answer, until the familiar face opened.
‘Ella… Wha- you’re bleeding! And a mess. Get inside.’
I walked in gratefully, surprised at how little had changed. Cris was huge by now, and her hair was lank and greasy. Her septum was pierced, as was her tongue and her ears. She’d changed.
‘Cris.’ I mumbled as she grabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom.
‘Explain yourself, Ella. And make it good. I’ve got time.’ She sat on a stool, holding a first aid kit and gestured for me to sit down. ‘Tell me everything.