Part II : Watch Our Skies Collide.

I hate that thing that happens before you sleep. Every mistake you ever made, ever word you wish you never said, every moment that made you cry. It all rushes through your head. And all you can do about it is cringe and pretend it all never happened.



"Haven...your fine. It's only your anxiety's in your way.", Claire's voice rung. She's dating my father.

My father.
Fuck her.

"How about....", She paused looking down at the asphalt. The bench creaked with every move she made. She was contemplating on what to say next.

Her fiery orange, waves toppled onto her black jacket. They hung by her hallow face. Eyes peering at me only for a few seconds. I wasn't focused on her. On what we were doing here. Her trying to be a Dr. Phil and sort out my problems. She doesn't know shit.

She didn't know I had seven little pills cuddled into a group underneath my tongue.

She doesn't know I can sallow them all right now and die.

This moment.

I can kill myself. I am holding onto her every single word. Her telling me I'm making this up.

"You know....You don't have to fear anything...your fairly well off", her Australian accent gave a slight appearance as she drowned on. Her voice light and gentle. Almost reassuring.

I said almost.



"Do you want to go back to high school?I'm just wondering.", Claire was keeping up a lonely one sided conversation.

She thinks I'm a pathetic 16 year old. Knowing nothing. Only knowing what hides inside her dark body. Want roams and where the wild things are. She only knows what she knows. I know more than she will ever know.

The nights she spent out on the back deck crying into her cell phone, begging someone not to die. The nights I saw her sneak pills from her purse and run around the land completely unaware that the first snow fall had just occurred.

She was as free as a mere child. Not wanting to face the facts. I didn't want to know what lurked behind those solemn, scared eyes of hers.

You don't fucking fuck with me, I'll take a full clip of bullets to your back and paint the lockers with your brains you motherfucker.

Claire had to leave but begged me to say that I was going to be safe. I made my way to the forest, oddly drawn there and then...collasped.

The clouds intrigue me, making my mind scream out phrases in wonder. The closer I've got to those clouds. The clouds don't seem far. The closer I travel to those clouds...way up there. I feel more at peace. I feel love. Something I'm incapable of. There's.....there's a window. In the clouds? Yes... I see vibrant colours as my shaken hands grip the cold window. Holding on for dear life. Or what once was a life. Now has been driven to be only mere hell in my eyes.
I see the sparkling colours, bouncing off every single thing. Every single cell, micro fiber. These lights flying in the city. A ray of love coating my frozen skin. Frozen from the pain. From everything I ran away from. I try to push my way through to get to the place that beholds in the widow.

Where dreams roam and I don't have to be afraid of the dark.

Where the children laugh and play, where the dance around the lakes and try not to get swallowed up in the black abyss. They laugh and smile. I can't speak though.
Why can't I speak? I need to speak. I need to go there.
I see someone. Who is there?
A forest emerges in the window. My hands slither through the window. Body comes after. I jump out and land on dewy, sticky grass. Feet making no sudden movements as if a was bracing for impact.
What's this?

Mangled bodies spewed across the once was pleasant landscape. Limbs mutated. Throats slashed and bodies lost of dignity. They are blood. They are nothing. They aren't human anymore. Blood pools near my feet.
These people I don't know. I don't know who they are. I doubt I will ever know.
My hands reach up to my throat, blood pours out from my throat. Coating my skin in the thick liquid. Blooming over the slits of my skin. Feet walk forward try to make sense of what's happened.
Nothing makes sense.
Nothing at all.
My eyes look up. Someone's sitting on the edge on the lake. They lay out a hand on the grass.

I ran toward it. Making all my movements fluid and never stopping as my feet pound into the ripped flesh of once humans.
I sit down next to the person.
A male. His dark eyes graze me. Faded pale green eyes sink to the lake.

"Hello...", voice drowns out. His pale skin slashed and ripped. Razor cuts driven on it. Vertically across his neck several times. Blood dried up and satined his skin.

Lips trying to speak. Can't.

I look away.

He takes my hand, is it okay? Is this okay
Heart pumping, rhythmic. Lessening with each thunder stricken pump. Blood....getting drawn out of my body with each pump. Pain.

"We have to go", his breaks out. Finally speaking.

Now his eyes look at me. They pull something I have never felt. I feel at peace. I feel happy.

Happy with whatever we are doing together.
Only that we are together.
Him dressed in all black looking very coy, petrified also.
Me dressed in black too.
I didn't look down at my palms. I knew what would lie there.
He stands up. Looks over at the fading sky, the once powder blue sky scattered with pure ivory clouds don't exist anymore. They are fading away. Like the landscape drawn out before us.

It's all melting. Turning into red.
I look up bewildered. He nods.

"I did this.", I whisper.

"No. We did this"

He swiftly jumps into the water and leaves.
As his body gets swallowed by this lake.
It is as if I was pelted by bullets. They left my body like a cold jab of sliver. The bullets submerging throughout my body. They pulled and carried my entrails with them. Escaping my body......

Blood seeps down my clavicle.
My eyes close.

Suffocation.
Suffocation.

Then I fall.
Water filling my lungs.
Eyes closed, only having a body hugging me tightly....as we sink.
And as they say.

"I knew we could do this Haven, we can't escape fate."

"I'm not in love Ryan."

"Sure you aren't."



Part II:

"Walk. Walk only walk don't stare don't look. Don't fucking look", I breathed deeply.

The hallways scared me. There was always people rushing and screaming. Running throughout. There was always trouble in this school of 2,000. It was fairly big and no, there's no pool on the roof.

Made my way to the second floor getting to my locker.
The combination....The combo. My mind ripped throughout thoughts of numbers.

I soothed out my London mini dress, and shuffled slightly in my pink Dr. Martens.

I am such a rebel aren't I darlin'?

I finally remember it, thank you.
I gather my English Lit books and travel away. Travel to the first floor, throughout the crowded stairs with the stoner's in their little hide away at the bottom.
I need to make it through.
Demetri is in the same class.
I look down as I make my way toward the back of the building. Toward the classroom. The blue hallway walls taunt me. Closing in on me. I had to many pills.
Why did I overdose. Think straight.

Everyone's looking. No their not. Where's Demetri.

Demetri never goes for anyone.

Demetri isn't here? Did he die. I thought Ryan committed suicide. I thought he ended it.
I sure as hell want to right now.
The walls blur.
The walls move.
"Haven", A voice rings.
My ears buzzing like I had seven shots of caffeine induced drinks.
"How's things.", they keep nudging.
Move. Just move. Move. For the love of God move the fuck out of here Haven!

I slither into English class suddenly.
To notice Demetri is looking frazzled.

And biting his lips, making blood bloom.



I never wanted to be here, I should of told Dr. Allen that I wanted to kill myself. I should of. I would of been safely wrapped into a room.
But they make me have consequences for the way I feel. I can't let my words slip or even a bit. Or else.

They walls moved when I was there, I wasn't that crazy. I wasn't going to eat the grapes off the walls. Like the other patients. They....don't know what they are saying. The records are wrong.

I'm fucked. I get on more meds. I get tested. I get asked questions. By doctors and nurses who claim they only want to help.

With my "condition". Saying it's okay.

They don't know what the fuck is this. They don't.

They don't know the cries I hear at night. They don't know that I have to fend for myself.

They don't know that I haven't spoken to Danny in how long? Or where the fuck he is.

My shoes are implanted into the bright emerald grass. Hands stumble on my wrapper of my sand which. Tuna and something. I just bought it to make people think I'm normal. I have no intentions on eating it. Or even spending the two hundred dollars my father slid into my tote. Trying to make me go outside. Have a life.

What life is this?

Collapsing and stop breathing. Every. Single. Night.
Because I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm a corpse. I want to be five feet underground and I can't speak anymore. Because my brain is dead. My body closed up because what's the point in life?

If all we do is die in the end.
All the work for nothing.
Think about that.
I have to keep my vision fixated onto the colourful pinic tables scattered across campus. I was
residing in a sunshine yellow one. I thought it would help?

"Hey."

Why can't I just drown? Why can't I be left alone.

A heard a chuckle come up.
I finally look up only to find that two people have joined me.
Demetri and Ryan.

"How's things?", Ryan's smile twisted up, he looked glowing. Both of their high cheekbones stood prominent. Every one at this place. Wanted them. Appearance wise? Maybe, but they were the most beautiful guys I've ever seen in my life.
For the records.

Demetri looked vacant eyes empty. Shuffling his thin fingers throughout his blond hair.
Hazel eyes infused with flickers of lime green looking scattered. Ryan on the other hand was acting like a pretentious fuck.

"So how's things?", Ryan's hand reached out to mine holding it.

A cool sensation riveted down my spinal cord. I yanked my hand back.

"Ryan....", Demetri trails off into a cryptic murmur. Disapproving.
"What?", Ryan's voice rung high stringing along a roar of laughter quickly after.

"Stop begin a cocky fuck.", his voice ripped out sharply.
This is why I avoided them.

"Whoa. I tried to speak to her before. But she just left.", Ryan retorted.

"Because your such an annoying motherfucker.".
This was pathetic.

I stood up, and spoke very silently. Because I have no more energy in me.

"Fuck off.", I looked directly into Ryan's snarky eyes.

Nothing can help this fucking pain in my heart.....