Blue Sunflowers

I slid out of my car and locked the door, turning to find Frank behind me. “Goddammit, I miss coming here.” He said, trying to put his arm around my shoulders.

But before he could, I turned around to face him and held his forearms. “Frank Anthony I-fucking-ero. I don’t want to hear that word come out of that little mouth of yours ever again.” I looked him in the eye and he laughed.

“Okay, fine. Can’t I miss my bestest friend in the whole fucking universe?” he hugged me and kissed the top of my head.

I mock sighed “Whatever, let’s just go before Mikey gets pissed.” I opened the door to Barnes and Noble, finding Cookie sitting on the counter smiling at Mikey who was sipping his coffee from the other side of the counter.

“Wassup, homey C.” I called out to Cookie as I went into the storage to clock in.

I came back out to see Frank in deep conversation with Mikey. Not bad for someone who wanted to kill him just yesterday. Cookie saw me lead me behind a shelf in the back of the store. I looked at her expectantly and she smiled “When are you going to tell him?”

I looked down at my scuffed Converse and mumbled “I don’t know.”

She sighed and gave a sad smile. “What do you mean you don’t know? You have to tell him sometime.”

“I will, just…not now.” I spoke with my hands like Frank would and laughed a little on the inside.

“I’m sick of – “ she started to say but I walked off in Frank and Mikey’s direction.

“Hey, Carol...” Mikey began as Frank poked me in the rib. I glared at him playfully and went back to Mikey.

“ Yes, Michael?” I asked him. He rolled his eyes and continued “Well, I was just telling Frank over here” he gestured to Frank and he grinned like a five-year-old, making me giggle. “That Gee wanted everyone over tomorrow.” He finished.

I thought about it, “But it’s a school night.” I furrowed my brow with mock-worry. Cookie, Frank and Mikey exchanged looks and burst into laughter. “Fuck it, I’m in.”

I turned to Frank “We’re going shopping later, m’kay?” I asked looking at my yellow-polished nails. He sighed overdramatically and said “Fine if I have to.” I squealed and hugged him tightly, squeezing the breath out of him. This would’ve scared anyone else, but not Frank, he only hugged me twice as hard.

-----

“I don’t even know why we show up anymore, much less why they pay us to run an empty store.” I said to Mikey as we closed up shot. It was true, no one really read in Belleville, except Frank and I, apparently. My family was always big on reading, so I had my own collection of books that Frank decided he needed to learn like the back of his hand. So, not even we ever bought from this place. It was owned by some guy called Liam that we only met when we were hired and occasionally heard from.

Whatever, not my problem. I closed said goodbye to Mikey and Cookie and walked back to my car with Frank. He came up next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head like he always did. I smiled but sighed inwardly. I’d been doing a lot of sighing lately and it was always because of Frank. Stupid Frank. Fuck it, what am I thinking?

We drove to the mall and we got out of my car and Frank offered his arm to me and I gladly took it. “Ready, Frankie-boy?” I asked already looking around.

I saw him gulp mockingly and he said “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

I laughed a little and began my shopping adventure. I sure as hell loved shopping, even if it didn’t show. Just like no one ever guessed my favorite color was yellow. They always said it was too happy a color. They always thought it would be black or red, it was my “type of thing”, they would say.

I’ve had all sorts of thing thrown at me; vampire, albino, freak, weirdo, creep, emo, bitch, midget. None ever got to me, because I couldn't care less.

I think too much. I decided to focus on the rack of clothing in front of me. I loved the idea of shopping, but actually doing it frustrated me. I wasn’t exactly a normal person, and I didn’t exactly have a normal body shape. I never told anybody but Frank, because they’d just think I’m fishing for compliments.

I was ridiculously short, as you’ve seen, so everything was long on me. But then, my height didn’t mean I was underdeveloped or anything. I had a decent chest and the world’s biggest ass.

I hated my ass. Because of it, I could never fit in anything. And the curves, oh, the motherfucking curves. I always wished I was tall and skinny, like all these white chicks I see. Like Marco. That’s probably why Frank didn’t like me.

I sighed and turned to Frank “Frankie, maybe this was a bad idea.”

He stood up straight, having been leaning on a store wall. “How many times do we have to go over this?” he asked walking over to me.

“You say it like it’s happened so often” I mumbled.

“It has. Now, Carolina, nobody’s perfect, and everyone thinks they’re horrible. Even Thom Yorke wants a perfect body.” I laughed at his Radiohead reference.

He turned me towards the mirror “Besides, what’re you always moping about? You’re fucking gorgeous.” He gestured towards the mirror nonchalantly and my heart stopped beating.

Frank had always said I had nothing to worry about, but he’d never called me gorgeous. Maybe he did like me back. I was reading way too much into it.

This is why I never told anyone; they’d just pity me, lie, and try and make me feel better. Frank didn’t like me back at all.

“Whatever, Frank. Let’s ditch this Popsicle stand. I’m bored.”