Never Means Forever

I stood in front of Lucian. He had said we had to talk about something. I was so nervous. I have no clue why; I just was. Maybe it’s because this totally hot guy who saved me today was standing right there in front of me. Or maybe the reason I’m so nervous is because I think he hates me or doesn’t like me although he did touch my lower back. Oh my God! He touched my-
“Alexander!”
I was yanked out of my thoughts by the sound of Lucian’s voice. I looked up at him. “I’m-I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Are you alright, Alexander?”
I nervously started tapping my foot. That was a normal nervous habit of mine.
“Y-yes, I-I’m o-okay.”
Wow! That didn’t give away that I was lying through my teeth.
“Do you always stutter?”
I shook my head ashamed as I looked down at the tile floor. “What were you saying? I-I’m sorry…”
“Alexander, will you please look at me?”
I slowly dragged my gaze from the floor to his shoes up to his face.
“Are you sure you’re alright, Alexander?”
I had no freaking clue. I knew my heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest like in the old school cartoons, and I knew it felt as though butterflies had erupted in my stomach. And I didn’t feel alright, but I wouldn’t dare tell Lucian that. It was a crush. It would go away. It had to because he would never like me like that. He was too good for me. Way out of my league. If I told him I liked him he would just laugh, leave or both.
“I’m fine. Thanks for helping m-me with those guys.”
“It wasn’t a problem,” he replied, and I saw the smallest smile on his flawless face.
“Y-you said you wanted to talk about something,” I said still nervously tapping my foot. “I’m sorry… so so so sorry. I didn’t hear you…”
“First those boys are going to leave you alone from now on.”
My hair started to fall in front of my face, so I tucked it behind my ear. I was so lost. Trevor and Cale were going to leave me alone? They’ve been tormenting me for years, hard to believe they’d just stop. Plus, the reason I hated having people confront them is they’d just come after me when the person wasn’t there to protect me, and at that point they’d only hurt me more.
I nervously bit my lip as I said, “I wish you hadn’t help me. I’m sorry, but that just causes more trouble. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate it, I really do, but…”
Lucian put a hand on my shoulder. I stared up at him.
“They will leave you alone. I’m not going to let them hurt you.”
My heart did a summersault at that.
“You-you can’t always be-be th-there t-to pr-protect me.”
“Yes, I can,” he replied smiling.
“B-but you’re an a-angel. I-I’m sure y-you have b-better things t-to do.”
“I’m here to protect you, Alexander.”
Why me? I wasn’t good enough for him to hang around . People hated when I thought that or thought like that. But I tended to think it was true.
“Alexander, what are you thinking about?”
I mumbled, “I’m just worth your time… I-I should go. I’m sorry.”
I nervously gripped my backpack strap before turning and running. I felt so bad.
Her words were ringing in my head. I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I was furious that I remembered that. I was pissed I had walked away from Lucian. I didn’t want to. Tears were burning in my eyes. I looked over my shoulder to see no one was following me. I rounded one more corner before I slid down against a wall and started crying openly. I wish I was good enough for my mom. I missed her so much even if she left four years ago.
I just sat against the wall, hugging my knees close to me, crying. I wish I was good enough for anyone.