For Better, For Worse

“You are honestly the worst sleep faker I‘ve ever seen”. I just returned from the pharmacy with a bag full of medication for flu, antibiotics and a new asthma inhaler. Dealing with sick Ville was like dealing with a sick five year old. Utter nightmare. He will whine and act like dying and say that he hates everything and everyone, then when you leave him he’ll cry and beg you to come back and cuddle with him and make him feel better, yet when you try to make him better by trying to feed him or give him his medication the whole drama starts again.
Slowly, bloodshot eyes opend and looked at me, silently pleading and I felt helpless. I know what’s about to start yet I cannot bring myself to yell at him for acting like a kid and not an adult.
Right before I went out to get the medication I made a stupid mistake my actually telling him where I was going. He was of course convinced that he has a simple cold. Nothing a hot tea and a hot bath wouldn’t cure. He hated taking any kind of medication with passion. His daily asthma medication dosage was as far as he’d willingly go. He didn’t even like taking supplements, saying that the capsules got stuck in his throat. So when I told him I’d get him something for his flu, he went mental. He didn’t want me buying and force feeding him some poisonous concoctions. If he would’ve had any strength he’d no doubt locked himself in his tower not letting me back in.
“Ville, sweetie, please…”, I brushed my hand over his face, feeling it burning and all sweaty. “You need to take these or we’ll just end up in a hospital like the last time”. He looked like a kicked puppy. He sniffled pathetically and with my help sat up, leaning against the headboard.
“Could you like, pour it into some soup or something so I cant taste it?” I would’ve laughed at the way he spoke, his nose all clogged up making him sound comical, but just one look at the same red and puffy nose, with some snot running down without him even realizing it made want to just take him into my arms and rock him till he fell asleep.
“No darling, that won’t work. But I’ll get you some veggie soup later, ok?” He groaned, obviously unhappy with my answer. I gave him some tissues and picked up the used ones. I changed the sheets yesterday but I could already feel them being damp from the sweat. I also wanted to open a window to let some fresh air in but I didn’t know if that was a good idea. Even though it was middle of the spring and the sun was shining we were living in Finland where the weather is never as warm as it looks to be.
He sneezed few times and whined loudly. “When the fuck will this stop?? My fuckin‘ head hurts, my fuckin‘ chest hurts, my fuckin‘ nose hurts…. Everything fucking hurts!!” I gave him sympathetic smile and cracked a new bottle of NyQuil, measured the right dosage in the cup and handed it to Ville. He was about to protest when I handled him a bottle of Vitamin water to wash of the nasty aftertaste. He sighed dramatically and drowned the NyQuil, immediately washing it away with the water and broke into a fit of coughing. I sat on the bed and rubbed his back, putting his inhaler near his mouth. He grabbed it and sucked two puffs. He took a shaky deep breath and leaned into me. I hated seeing him like that. He rarely got sick but when he did it had no mercy on him. The doctor prescribed some pretty heavy antibiotics but he was only to take them one per day since his heart won’t be able to take more.
“Would you like to take a bath?”, Ville shook his head and closed his eyes. “A cold one? It would cool you down a bit”
“No”, he said groggily. I kissed his temple, sweat not bothering me at all. “You need to take some antibiotics as well. You know you have to”
“Uhhhhh”, was the only response I got. Was it a positive or a negative grunt I couldn’t tell and I honestly didn’t care as I was already taking out the tablets.
“Ville…”, he opened his mouth without opening his eyes and I carefully dropped them on his tongue. I handed him the water bottle and he swallowed them.
“Thank you”, I pecked his lips and he pouted. I pecked them again and he scrunched his nose. “I’m hungry”. I smiled at him and helped him to lie down. “I made some veggie soup. Do you want some crackers with it?”
“Want sushi”
“You can’t have sushi.”
“But I want it…..”
“Too bad. I’ll be right back”
“If no sushi, don’t bother”
“Ville….”, this was getting ridiculous.
“I’m sorry….. Hungry…..”, he rubbed his eyes and made them look even more puffy and red.
“I made it light so it won’t hurt your throat”, I cracked the window open just a tiny bit to get at least some fresh air in. Few minutes shouldn’t hurt him. “I’ll be back in a second”
“With sushi?”
“With soup”, he snorted through his nose that send all his snot on his face. I sighted as I watched him clean up with his pillow and then lie his head back on the mess.
When I got back I was greeted by rasping noise coming from the congestion in Ville’s lungs. During the time as I heated the soup he managed to fall asleep. And even though I knew that he needed to eat now more than ever, since he tends to lose a lot of weight when he is sick, I let him sleep. He spent the last night awake, sucking on his asthma inhaler and me trying to calm him down. I turned the humidifier next to him so it could pump the medicine on and help him sleep better. I my ran hands through my face feeling tired. These past two days were hard not only on Ville but on me too. I couldn’t sleep at all. I spent every night on the bed next to him, clutching his inhaler in one hand and phone in other. I dreaded to fall asleep and wake up to find him not breathing.
I sat on the bed next to his feet and started browsing internet with my iPhone. With a breathing like that he shouldn’t be asleep for very long anyway….

*****
Three more days passed with Ville being sick. Delusional sick Ville. Only he can scare me shitless by declaring that he is going to a war to fight, he didn’t say who or what, getting out of bed, stumbling to a bathroom, falling only twice on the way, for which he blamed the “damn fuckin’ geese“, and threatening to sue me when he couldn’t find his cloak in the shower. I was so thankful when Burton decided to visit and see “if the madman was still alive” after Ville decided he wanted to go outside in nothing but his underwear, since of course his pj bottoms were ripped off because they were too hot to be in. He helped me get Ville back into bed with lots of unrealistic promises that seemed to satisfy him for the time being. After leaving them talking, or more like Ville talking about the tour next month, which was of course not happening, and Burton agreeing with for his own amusement, I went downstairs to call Ville’s private doctor. After being reassured that it is quite normal to be delusional while having a fever and that Ville is not going insane and that the fever should break soon if he continues taking his antibiotics, I felt a bit better. I was used to deal with sick people, but with Ville I was always extra sensitive. The doctor said she’ll be here to check on Ville early next morning since she has a night shift tonight at the hospital, but if anything happens, not to hesitate to call her or an ambulance. After ending the call I went back to the bedroom to find Ville half asleep yet still nodding to whatever Burton was telling him.
“Hey, you want anything?”
“No no, I was just in the neighborhood and decided to visit but I have to go now. I need to pick up Hertta from pre-school.”
“Okay”, I yawned, last few days were slowly catching up to me.
“You look exhausted.” Burton rubbed my arm and I smiled at him.
“Yeah well, I have a sick five year old over there who is whining, crying and cursing for how miserable and lonely he is so I have no other choice but to stick with him….. How do you control that?”
“Well, when our five year old gets sick, we just give her some cough syrup and that usually knocks her out for a whole day”, Burton smiled at me sheepishly.
“Ha! If only……”, I checked on Ville who was now snoozing and lead Burton to the door, thanked him again for coming and promised to call when Ville gets better. I know the guys worry but they don’t want to be intrusive and call everyday to check on him.
I closed and locked the door and went to make myself something to eat, when my gurgling belly reminded me that the patient upstairs wasn’t the only one who needed my attention.

Later in the day I must’ve dozed off again because when I woke up and found myself lying on a bed in a very weird position I might add, with something or someone very annoyingly pocking at my back. I rubbed my eyes and sat up facing Ville. He was lying on his back, covers up to his nose, so I could only see his eyes and hair. His one foot was sticking out from the covers. That’s what was poking me. Lovely.
“I’m thirsty”, he announced and then with all his might sneezed under the covers. “Ewwww”.
“What do you want?”, I got up from the bed and stretched out letting my back crack. Ahhh that felt nice.
“Melted snow from the Alps. What do you think?” Nice attitude. His temperature must’ve gotten higher. Without saying anything back I went downstairs to get few bottles of Vitamin water. He needed to drink tea but I am so not risking him spilling that all over me because it was too hot. I also thought that he was hungry by now so I might as well bring him something to eat.
“Nessi!”, I hear his husky voice calling for me. Yes, that’s what he calls me when he’s unhappy. I took the bowl from the microwave and checked the soup, Lord forbid if it was too hot or too cold. It may look like Ville is very….well, a cunt with his demands and his ‘likes’ and ‘don’ts’, but he really is not. He never complains about the food I make for him or when I touch his stuff when I try to clean or look for something. Never once did he yelled or insulted me. Not when he’s healthy and happy that is. But even now I know that he doesn’t mean any of it and if he remembers any of this, he’ll apologize to no end. But as I said, sick Ville is a child Ville and he will show it to you. I grabbed few bottled of water and placed it on a tray along with the bowl of soup and a packet of saltine crackers and went upstairs.
“Where were you?! I’m hungry!…..oh..” He stopped his whining the moment he saw the tray, I don’t think my raised eyebrow had any effect on him.
“Good food?”, being a child at the moment also limited his speech apparently.
I rolled my eyes, “Good enough for you”.
He eyes the soup and scrunched up his nose. “That aint sushi. Unless you put it through a blender”
“Yes, I put the sushi through a blender”, the one you don’t even have, I thought to myself, “will you eat it now? I know you’re starving”. He looked at me then looked at the soup again.
“Are those cheese crackers?”
“Mmmhmm”, I spooned some soup and held to his mouth. To my surprise I must say, Ville opened his mouth and swallowed.
“Mmmmm… I love cheese crackers”
“Want me to put soup in your soup?”, he nodded and I smiled at him. After dozen of spoonfuls he announced that he was done. Even though he didn’t finished I was happy that he was eating at all.
“How are you feeling?”, I asked and checked his forehead with my palm. He was definitely running a fever.
“Like I’m boiling from inside out”, said Ville and kicked the duvet off and spread eagle on the bed.
“I called your doctor earlier and she said that the cold bath could break your fever. It would cool you down and you’d feel much better”, I said stroking his hair. He started to coughing so I helped him to roll on his side and gently started stroking his back. “Would you like me to run you a bath?”, I tried again. I could feel him nod. I kissed his temple and rolled off the bed.
By the time the bath was full of barely warm water, Ville was already lying in it, letting out a satisfied groan.
“Good?”, I asked sitting on the floor by the tub and gently stroking and pouring cold water over Ville’s face.
“Good”, he closed his eyes and sank deeper into the water. I just sat there watching him and thinking that even if it sounds silly, moments like these, where he is helpless and I need to take care of him, no matter how draining they are, I cherish the most. I look at his flushed face and I can’t even think of leaving him, leaving all this. Every single moment is so precious and beautiful in its own way. The moments like these where I take care of him makes me complete, it’s like I’m giving something back to him for all his love for me. It does sound silly. I don’t say that I prefer this moment to, say, us sitting on the floor in the living room and reading same book for four hours, or taking a walk by the shoreline at midnight in winter. No. This is not better. It is equally the same.
I didn’t even notice him open his eyes and looking at me. I smile at him. “Feeling better?”, he nods slightly and returns my smile. I lean down and gently kiss him. Yes, this is perfect. “C’mon, get up, you don’t want to start freezing now”
After nightly dosage of his medication, to which thankfully he was too exhausted to fight against, he was comfortably tucked in bed and I myself was more than ready to just drop everything and fall asleep. Just before I started undressing I heard my phone ringing. Lord only knows where it was! I started frantically looking for the damned device hoping that it wouldn’t wake Ville up. I found it under my bag, which was under the dresser curiously but just before I pressed answer the call ended. I looked at the missed calls and save Ville’s moms name. I should call her back, she is probably worrying much more than needed. Last time she saw Ville he was talking with her about how she yelled at him when he was 9 years old, clearly one of his fever dreams. I sat on the armchair by the window and dialed her number. Just as I thought she was worrying sick, she knew how bad these colds were affecting his breathing and apparently, she came over earlier today but no one opened the door and she didn’t want to call Ville incase he was asleep and I didn’t pick up my phone. I apologized, telling her that she must’ve come when I had run to the store to buy more water and nasal spray and left my phone at home. Ville didn’t mentioned anyone being at the door earlier. Though I doubt even he cared he could’ve understood where the noise was coming from. Anita promised to come tomorrow at noon and bring us something to eat. She also said she’ll bring a potato soup that Ville says he hates but always has double servings of, after I told her our adventures when I tried to feed him. After thanking her for calling I said goodnight rubbed my face hoping that tomorrow he‘ll feel better. It was painful to see him suffering.

*****
Ville woke up with a deep breath the next day just after six in the morning. He stretched all across the bed, stretching all his muscles that were asleep during the last few days. He felt so much better. While his nose was still stuffed and he felt like he was a bit hangover, his head didn’t hurt and his body didn’t feel like it’s been run down by a train. The cold bath did indeed helped to break his fever. What he needed right now was a lukewarm shower, that will wake him up a bit more and will hopefully help to get rid of the stiffness in his body. He hated getting sick. It left him drained physically and emotionally especially when he was trying to self-medicate himself. But this time he had some help….a lot of help, help that made him take his medication, eat and actually stay at home. He was about to call her name when he noticed a small lump, curled into the armchair by the window. He crouched down and felt his heart explode. His sweet beloved one, whom he clearly remembered telling to get the fuck out quite a few times over the past few days, was curled into itself, asleep with a tissue box to her right hip, his inhaled in her right hand and a cell phone in her left. She looked exhausted. He stood up, stretched again and went to linen closet, that for once was full with clean sheets. He changed the bed quickly, ignoring a sick feeling in his stomach when he moved too fast, went back to his little miracle, picked her up carefully from the chair and gently laid her on the now clean and fresh bed.
“What the fuck would I do without you?”, he whispered gently. He patted her hair, kissing her face every few seconds. He noticed that her forehead was a bit too warm. He sighted deeply. “I leave you for days to be on your own, I’m moody, tired, I get sick and make you stay and look after me while I bitch at you for not doing anything right and then I give you my cold….. Why are you putting up with me I’ll never understand.”, Ville kissed her lips gently. She snuggled closer to him, lightly hugging his arm to her. “…but it only makes me fall in love with you more and more every day.”