Ever Since You Walked Into My Life

I rested myself into a seated position on my knees as I claimed a break from moving more boxes into our new home. I could feel the beads of sweat forming along my hair line, which forced me to wipe a forearm across my face. I felt my lungs tighten as I breathed out a fresh breath of air. I shifted slightly on the hard wood floors of the living room and found that same abused card board box that read Mom and Dad on the side.

I chewed on my bottom lip tenderly, debating on whether or not I should open it up. I had peeled back those walls far too many times to know that I would only grow upset. Slowly, I inched forward, almost afraid that the box would take off at a sprint if I moved too quickly. I reached my arm out, brushing my fingers along the rough card board once more. When it was in my grasp, I quietly slid it closer to my lap.

I carefully began to peel back the layers of box before it lie vulnerable and open in my hands. My smile had grown obsolete as I reached into the box, carefully taking hold of an old family photo from when Sammi and I were younger. I frowned, finding that no matter how many times I look over this picture, I still found myself regretful and upset. I gently ran my thumb over the image of my father, who was no longer here with us.

My father had been diagnosed with cancer when I was nineteen years old. Sammi had yet to be born and know what he was like before the Chemotherapy and Radiology. I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I starred down at the bald headed, but still smiling, man I had loved so much. He was a charismatic soul and could make anyone laugh. My father was a knight in shining armor, to say the least.

Two years ago, when I was twenty nine years old, my father had passed away. Sammi, even though too young to comprehend the tears and sadness, knew how to go about the situation. She stayed strong, whilst the rest of us broke down, and promised me that we’d see daddy once again. I wiped furiously at my eyes and felt a smile crawl along my lips. I could see my mother next to my father, who had her arm wrapped tightly around his waist.

My mother was a saint and always will be. She had blessed my father with four children, each with a significant amount of age in between them. Connor was the oldest at forty five and moved away from the family at an early age. He had presumed he could make it on his own and let his football scholarship go to his head. He is now the lead quarter back for the Dallas Cowboys, but we all knew how well they’ve been doing.

Sandra, the second oldest at thirty, was a hospice nurse in Trenton, New Jersey. She had the heart of my mother, who couldn’t hurt a single soul. She takes care of the elderly or dying from their own homes. She’s more than sure to keep them comfortable while they are readying to pass. I’ve tried to keep in contact with Sandra as much as I could, but it was nearly impossible at the rate we moved.

Then there was the third born who everyone knew as myself. I had taken the role of growing up far quicker than I had hoped. My father had gotten sick when I was young, which prevented me from going to college. I worked night and day to help pay for his therapy, but even the doctors couldn’t save him. Connor and Sandra had already left home by then to follow through with their college dreams.

When my father passed away, my mother was beginning to grow into her age. The once caring and forget - me - not mother had begun to lose things more often. Forget where she had put the keys or even our names. She had come to terms with her Dimensia and moved into a nursing home. Sandra knew the workers well and promised a safe and comfortable living quarters for mom.

I agreed and took on the role of watching the fourth born in the family, Sammi. She had never asked for what had happened, but she rarely complained. Sammi was like a reincarnation of our mother. She had the love, the care and the spirit that our mother had when she was young. I let my fingers glide over the picture for a moment and smiled. It was taken at a family get together two years ago, before our father had passed away.

It was the most recent photo of the entire family that I had left. I smiled down at Sammi’s picture and noticed that she hadn’t changed much. She had vibrant green eyes and beautiful, silky brown hair that trailed just above her shoulders. She had a small beauty mark that was right below her right eye, which my mother told her made her special. She hadn’t changed much, with the exception that her hair had grown a little longer.

I, on the other hand, had changed the most since the picture had been taken. I used to be a chubby girl a few years back, but once I had taken on my mother’s role for Sammi’s sake, I had lost all of the weight. I felt like I was malnourished, but it was only because I wanted to keep Sammi fed. If I had to skip the night’s dinner to keep Sammi full, I would do just that, whether she liked it or not.

I had recently died my hair a reddish brown colour, hoping it would make my pale skin not seem so dull. My hair fell just below my shoulders in a layered, choppy fashion. My eyes were a bright, sky blue, which were given to me by my father. I found myself jumping at the sound of my name and I quickly put the picture back in it’s original place. I turned toward the doorway and found Sammi, frowning.

I closed the box up once more before secretly wiping at my watery eyes. I looked back at Sammi and gave her a comforting smile. She stepped further into the living room and asked, “Rascal, where’s my school?”

I shoved a thumb behind me and said, “It’s right down the street, Sammi.”

“Well,”Sammi picked at her dress nervously as she continued, “when do I start school?”

“You start on Monday."I laughed quietly.

“Three days?!”Sammi groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead.”That’s so close!”

“Why are you freaking out, Sammi?”I giggled.”The schools are really nice here.”

“I’m nervous.”She sighed quietly.

“Of course you’re nervous, Sammi.”I slowly got to my feet and walked toward her.

I rested a hand on Sammi’s shoulder, but still earned that fearful look. I brushed her chocolate locks from her eyes and said, “It’s a new school. You’ll do just fine. If you want, when I find the scissors I’ll cut your hair. You’re due for a hair cut. Alright?”

“Okay.”Sammi sighed quietly.

I couldn’t tell Sammi that I knew how she felt. I never had to move around as much as I did now. My job at the local Stop and Shop would be just enough to pay the rent and utilities. Sammi knew that cable wouldn’t be in our home, so watching our movies was all we could do for now. I had planned on attending college for nursing and photography, but taking care of Sammi had become my number one priority.

I had no time for myself, especially juggling a young girl, a job and bills. This house was the first that I could afford in a long time. Sammi and I each got our own rooms, which had yet to happen since we’ve been together. The kitchen was small, but workable and the living room had plenty of space. There was an attic above us, so when Sammi was trying to go to sleep I could sneak upstairs for a cigarette here and there.

The town was very nice, but seemed a little city like. Apartment complex’s and small homes occupied each corner, but I didn’t mind. I knew I would have to get Sammi into sports or after school activities, because I wouldn’t want to keep her home alone while I went to work. I couldn't cut back on my hours, because just a few lost would send me into a downward spiral. I pushed Sammi forward and said, “Go unpack your things, Sam. I’m gonna cook up some dinner.”

“Is it spaghetti again?”She glared.

A small frown worked itself over my lips and I nodded my head. Spaghetti was all that I could afford at the moment, but having it every night for a few weeks made it tasteless and unwanted. Sammi groaned inwardly before stomping her way toward her bedroom. I felt my eyes well in tears, but I faught the urge to let them fall. I was better than this and I was going to make sure Sammi got the life she deserved.

I loved Sammi to death, but sometimes I had wished that Connor or Sandra would be able to take her, even if for a little while. I planned on making a name for myself out there, whether it be through nursing or photography. I walked passed Sammi’s room and peeked through the crack in her door. She played quietly to herself, making her Barbies dance and speak with each other.

I crossed my arms over my chest and smiled warmly. Sammi and I didn’t’ have many friends, due to the fact that we were moving every few months due to the lack of money. I leaned against the frame of her door, watching as she picked up her Ken doll from the corner. I chuckled to myself as she forced the two to dance together. I stopped for a moment, when she had said my name.

She wasn’t calling me, but portraying me as a Barbie doll. I watched carefully as Sammi said, “Hi, my name is Rascal.”

She shifted the dolls over and over, making them speak quietly to each other. I was astonished when the next words rolled out of her mouth; Are you my prince charming?

I walked away, regretting ever looking into her small bedroom. I began to search the kitchen for any sort of pot that I could cook the spaghetti in. I had no butter, no sauce or parmessian cheese to add to the mix. I was tired of having no money to spoil my younger sister or to even keep a roof over our heads. I leaned up against the kitchen counter and whimpered quietly to myself.

Sammi had asked me on one special occasion if I ever planned on getting married. I had explained that I can’t just go shopping for a man like she could with her Barbies. That they need to take care of a woman and treat her special. She had asked why no one had ever done that to me and I couldn’t find an answer for my sister. The only thing I could tell her was that I didn’t want someone to break up our relationship. She promised me it would never happen.

I was no longer going to fight every day just to keep Sammi fed. I was no longer going to stop and let the Sheriffs come through my door and kick us out of our home. I wiped at my eyes and sniffled softly. I dug my hand into my pocket and pulled out what cash I had on me. I counted through the crumbled bills and found three dollars and eighty two cents. My bottom lip began to quiver until Sammi called out my name.

I turned around to face her and saw her features drop at my watery eyes. Sammi scampered over quickly and wrapped her thin arms around my hips. She hugged me tightly, Barbies in hand, and asked, “Why are you crying, Rascal? Do we have to leave again?”

“No.”I cupped her face in my hands and gave her a comforting smile.”No, Sammi, we don’t have to leave again. I promise you, we’re not leaving. I want you to make friends at this school and play with them all the time, okay? We’re staying here forever.”

“Really?!”Sammi hugged my hips once more and I brushed her hair from her eyes.

I dropped my cash onto the counter and smiled warmly to myself. I knew at some point I would make that promise come true. I was going to put in all the hours I could, just to make sure Sammi lived comfortably in our new home. I wanted her to grow up to be forty years old and reminice on old stories with the friends she's known for twenty or so years. I wanted Sammi to be a normal kid and not have to grow up like I had to do.