Ever Since You Walked Into My Life

The cloudds rolled into the sky like a flash flood, leaving Sammi's last game in the hands of mother nature. She was beyond excited when I dropped her off at school, mainly because she cheered her hearted out at every game. Win, lose or draw, Sammi was happy to be there. We both knew it was her last game, so to cheer her up, I promised her a nice, creamy hot chocolate at the end of the game.

The weather was beginning to lighten up, leaving long sleeves the only option at night. Trees, bushes and flowers began to bloom, especially with the excessive amount of rain we had gotten earlier in the month. The warm breeze of spring's air was touching what was left of the bare limbs, allowing for a different beauty to welcome the warm weather. It put a smile on my face, knowing we could go back to short sleeves so soon.

I had officially gotten my old Chevelle to start up earlier today, after a few minutes of angry mumbling and decided to make a short stop at Stop and Shop for my check. I pulled into the busy parking lot and could already picture the wrinkles of worry on Karen's face. Karen had been anxious all week about something, mainly when it came to creating the new schedule. It put me on edge, because I had a strong feeling hours were being cut.

When the holidays were over and the store wasn't bombarded with angry customers, hours would be put on hold, largely because of the number of workers. I swallowed a lump of cold fear that stuck to the back of my throat, because I had a feeling of what was to come. No cable, no phone and a hard time trying to keep up with the bills once again. I switched off my old beater, praying that it would start when I came out to greet it.

There was something going on with my alternator, I presumed from its lack to hold power for long, but it didn't surprise me. I had an old car, with very little maintanence done to it, so I had to expect it breakdown at some point. I just hoped that some point wasn't when I needed it the most. I never enjoyed relying on others for rides, especially when I couldn't offer them any gas money.

Even without the cash I remained stubborn on my dream car - an old Chevelle, just like mine, primed and proper for its age. I loved the dark grey that seemed to glisten under the right light, the red, or blue, stripes that licked the hood, top and ass end. Yet I had to stay realistic. I wasn't a kid anymore. Having dreams of a nice, nearly new car was impossible. Really impossible for someone like me.

I bounced through the front doors of my job and found Karen hunched over the counter, glasses at the tip of her nose and wrinkles of, oh yes, concern latching onto her skin. I faught my oncoming frown and gave her a warm welcome. She peeked up, fighting to smile and said, "Oh, Rascal. How are you?"

"I'm doing good, actually."I felt horrible when her expression changed dramatically."Are you alright?"

"I'm okay. I'm just fighting with myself over here."Karen sat up and let her glass fall to her chest, where its thin, brown string snapped them into place."Check?"

"If you don't mind."I laughed.

Trying to lighten the mood was very difficult, certainly when you didn't know what was wrong. Karen flipped through a few checks before handing over mine. I plucked it from her grasp and said, "Thanks, Karen. Now, what's really wrong?"

Karen's shoulders slumped in a huff. She looked up and whispered, "It's hours again, Rascal. I'm trying not to cheat anyone and I know you really need them."

"I had a feeling."I frowned.

Things would go back to the way they were in our worst weeks. I would have to cancel the cable and phone, as well as stay away from the money I saved up. Karen sighed and said, "But it's going to be okay, Rascal. I'm working on giving you a good amount of hours. It's just Drew."

"Yeah, I know."I whispered softly."It's okay. Just call me if anyone calls out sick, okay?"

"I will."Karen said."It's gonna be okay, Rascal. Remember, you need anything, you let me know."

"I know."I patted her lightly on the back and said, "I have to go get Sammi. It's her last game."

"Oh, have fun. Ill see you tomorrow, Rascal."I escaped out the doors I had come in and greeted my car with a scowl.

I was secretly praying I'd have no problems starting it, but problems were a big part of my life. After three tries of earning nothing but a rumble, I ran a hand over my face.

"Come on, come on!"I let my head fall against my steering wheel in a huff.

My car was just like me if I really thought about it. Run down and more than willing to give in to whatever next comes my way. I slowly brought my head up and turned the key, listening with a smile as it started it.

"But we both still have a kick of life left in us."I drove out of the parking lot in a hurry, hoping my old girl would last.

I cashed my check with no problems, like usual, and made it back to Sammi"s school in time to see her get out. I stood from my car, fresh cigarette hugging my lips and waved over at her. Mingus was attached to her hip, smiling and laughing along with her. It was hard not to smile when Sammi was, but knowing how easily it could be crushed hurt me. Sammi eventually made her way over to me and got in the car.

I stubbed out my cigarette, dropped the half of it into my pack and sighed quietly. I peeked over at her, asking, "How was your day?"

"Good. Oh,"She dug into her bag, pulling out a scrunched up piece of paper."I got a ninety five on my math test!"

I pulled the paper from her hands and said, "Oh, Sam! I'm so proud of you!"

"Does that mean I can get a big hot chocolate?"She giggled quietly, but once sensing my dim mood, stopped."Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Thinking of your game is all."I smiled and pulled away from the school.

"Oh,"Sammi frowned and from the side, I did too.

"You can always do it again next year, Sam. Don't worry about it."I tried to be upbeat, but her next question froze me in my sour mood.

"Are we going to be here next year?"She asked it so quietly, like she thought I would snap.

I clamped my mouth shut, hoping it would reopen soon so I could assure Sammi. But being unable to assure yourself, it was hard to do. I choked a little on my breath, because no eight year old child should have to worry about being thrown out of their home. I nodded my head and in a quiet whisper, choked, "Yeah, Sam, we will be."

"Are you sure you're okay, Rascal?"Sammi tried to peek over, but I hid my wet eyes behind my hair.

"I'm just fine, Sammi."I nudged the car into the driveway and smiled at her.

"No you're not."She furrowed her eyebrows together, her small birthmark rising with her eyes in annoyance."I can tell."

"How can you tell?"I almost laughed at her way of reasoning.

Sammi unlatched her seatbelt, picked her bag up from the floor and opened her door. She turned back and with the cutest of smiles, said, "It's a sister thing."

I didn't know how to respond except with a large, tooth baring smile that Sammi couldn't see. She had already shut her door and started her march up the stairs. I shook my head and chuckled, knowing that even in the worst of times, I was still happy she was around me. I killed the engine to my car, got out and lazily made my way up the retched steps inside. When I kicked the front door shut behind me, I could hear the tv playing.

"Hey Sam?"I called after her.

She peeked her head out from over the couch and asked, "Yeah?"

"I have to tell you something."I shoved my hands into my pockets, fingering the money I had gotten from earlier.

I walked into the living room, trying to keep a smile and said, "For a little while, I'm going to have to turn the cable and phone off. We're going to have to hold on to what money I get for a little while, okay?"

Sammi's smile slowly turned into a frown and it nearly broke my heart. She nodded her head slowly, agreeing, but wished she didn't have to. I brushed my hair from my face and trying to lighten the mood, said, "Let's get ready for cheer, alright? I promised you a hot chocolate and you know me and my promises."

"You never break them."Sammi flashed me a childish grin and I laughed.

"Right. I don't break my promises."I turned away, pulling the money from my pocket.

I tossed a twenty into the jar in the kitchen and slumped into my seat. I could hear Sammi's thundering footsteps as she ran about the house, changing and fixing her hair into a tight ponytail. The clock on the wall read almost three thirty and I slowly climbed to my aching feet. Sammi stumbled out of her room, fingers tangled in her hair accessory and yelled, "I'm ready!"

"One more thing, Sam."I began."We have to walk."

Sammi's shoulders slumped, but she couldn't hide her oncoming smile.

"That's okay! Come on, Rascal!"She tugged at my hand, saying, "We're gonna be late!"

"Sam, you have a half hour until it starts. Calm down."I chuckled as I followed her out the door, slamming it shut behind me.

"But it takes five whole minutes to get to school! Hurry!"If Sammi could have skipped the steps, she would have, and my taking my time didn't help her.

We made the walk fast, getting there in record timing. As we walked along the concrete sidewalk, I noticed Norman's car on the side. He was early as well, because it gave us more time to talk and to find a seat. Mingus enjoyed playing with his buddies before a nice game also, so it was a win win for both sides. I skipped slowly down the stairs, watching as Sammi took off at a sprint toward her friends and Mingus.

I made my way toward the bleachers, where Norman waved happily in my direction. He leaned back against the bleachers, his short sleeved shirt waving wildly in the breeze. I found a seat beside him, mocking his uncomfortable sitting position myself. I groaned as I rocked against the metal bleachers, wondering why the metal wasn't digging into his elbows and shoulders. He looked over at me and said, "It's gettin' nice out."

"Well, I'm still a little chilly, but its better than how it was."I offered him half a smile before turning my eyes back to Sammi.

"Chilly? Shit,"Norman sat up and laced an arm over my shoulders."Rascal, sometimes I think you're loose a few screws up there."

Norman laughed loudly, but I couldn't find it that humorous. I wasn't insulted or angry at his statement. I was a little lost in my own thoughts to care much about having fun. He looked down, allowing his eyes to trace over every inch of my face, as if searching for some kind of hidden code. I couldn't even begin to stop him when I noticed, because he quietly asked, "You okay, Rascal?"

I traced two fingers over my temples and nodded my head. Being asked the same question every ten minutes was becoming a little frustrating. I sighed and responded in a snappy tone, "Yes, Norman, I'm fine."

"You don't seem all that fine."He frowned."What's going on? Come on. It's between you and me. No one's here yet."

My expression was unreadable, as I sat, blank stare at the floor. Norman squeezed me tighter into his side, like he was trying to get the words out himself. I pressed my lips together, mainly because I didn't want to sound to upset. A quiet breath flew through my lips and I quickly shook my head.

"I don't know, Norman. I guess it's the bills. Losing my only phone. They - they cut my hours at work again."I whispered."Money is going to be tight. Sammi understands, but I just feel so horrible about it."

"When do you have to pay your bills by?"He asked so softly, like his voice carried every bit of concern for Sammi and I.

"By the fifth."I let my eyes fall away from him so he couldn't see the hurt I felt.

"I can help you, Rascal. Just say the word and -"He began.

"No."My answer my quick."I won't do that, Norman."

"Rascal, the fifth is just over a week away. Are you sure you're going to have everything by then? Honestly, I don't mind helping you. If it makes you feel any better, you can give it back. I just want you guys to be living with the lights on, you know?"He pressed.

I swallowed hard, feeling the ball of guilt scratch its way down my throat. I shook my head once more and looked up at Norman. I wouldn't accept his money because it's all I've ever done. I've traded enough guilt and borrowed enough money from people. I couldn't find the nerve to do it again.

"I'm sorry, Norman, but I've got it under control."I forced a heart wrenching smile and it must have worked, because he didn't push the topic further."Thankyou for offering, though."

"Alright, Rascal. But you let me know if you need anything and I mean it. I don't want to find out from a little birdie that you guys are struggling."He warned.

I peeked back out over at Sammi and watched as she struggled to throw the ball to the other players. My smile began to crawl its way back onto my lips as Mingus helped show her how to toss the dark brown ball. Sammi was right and so was Norman. I was upset, I just didn't want to show it. Even more so - I didn't want to seem vulnerable.